Genealogy Chat

I don't go into huge detail the majority of the times I thank people for helping me, as I'm pretty sure everyone on this site doesn't want to know how long I've been searching etc. Just that they were able to help me hunt down the people I have been looking for, and I appreciate the information.

I think you are letting peoples phrases get to you too much, if someone says 'Thank You', what is the problem? I would be annoyed if someone didn't remark on any appreciation, so you don't know whether they needed the information or it proved useful.

There is a remark that I thought was completely inaccurate by another member, stating that these days (as they commented they were the older generation) it is all take and no give, no manners etc. I am eighteen, I have manners and use manners. Nothing to do with age. Most people that post on the 'trying to find' board are new to the site and unfamiliar with the workings. They might not realise that the help they are getting is 'off the back' of someone else, not people that work for GR. Alot of people don't give enough information as they don't realise what information is needed, not because they are arrogant.

I think that if you are going to volunteer to look for records for people, be prepared if they don't write you a whole essay of thanks. Be satisfied that you have helped them either find their relatives, or narrow their search down by eliminating different possibilities. Be sufficed with a 'Thank You' alone, it should be as welcome as a full story of their search and exactly what parts of your information helped what part of their search. If they don't say 'Thank You', maybe send them an inbox message asking them if it helped and if its letting them make progress with their tree, no doubt you will then get your thanks.

I wouldn't be searching information for others at a cost to yourself, not for people you don't know on this site. I would stick to subs personally.

Examples of just how rude people can be-

Example 1
I picked up a message on TTF; it was a strange sounding name. I managed to decode the surname, found & posted the birth & census detail but a week later deleted the info as no one had returned to the thread.

2 weeks later I had a pm from the original poster asking what I'd deleted so I found this stuff again & sent it pm. To date I've not heard another word from this person.

Example 2
I spent an hour or more searching & sending info for someone who lives abroad (note the info was sent email). The next I heard was many months later when I got a change of email address from the same person.

i don't think I'm wrong in expecting a simple thanks you from either of these people.

The trials, tribulations and experiences of a Newbie Or why "thank you: sometimes just isn't enough.

Nowadays, common courtesy is the least common and most forgotten of all traits of good behaviour. Remember the etiquette rules we once learned. Yes, that word "etiquette" is still in the dictionary. With the communication revolution we are now able to talk to people across the globe in a way that has never before been possible. Life moves very quickly.

The researchers who frequent these boards are skilled at retrieving information from web pages and databases using technology our ancestors would not believe.

You have no idea how much I envy you your expertise. You communicate in a strange language of trees and boards and brick walls and threads and posts and BDMs and GROs. You have very clever and sometimes quirky nicknames. And you know how to find the answers.

I am learning to research my family history. Notice I do not say "I am researching", although I probably have been guilty of saying just that. You know how it goes, you find one link and then you assume the next link will be there on the next screen, and it isn't.

Help needed. Tentatively you stick the proverbial big toe into the hot water and ask the first question. You receive a reply. Thank goodness. It might just be a simple direction where information can be discovered. Or a wonderful set of several answers giving all the information you had struggled to find. Thank you.

Have you experienced the disheartening feeling of asking a question and watching that little "0" remain in the replies column. Oh! Strewth. Have I asked the wrong question? Is it not my turn again. There's over a million posts on that board , what's one more!! Do they think I"m really dumb because I don't know how to do this? Are my questions taking up valuable time and space? Is everyone in UK asleep??

Two days later your question has slipped waaaaaay down the lists and you go in and very quietly delete it, hoping no one wil notice it's gone.

You vow to do it yourself. Every night in front of the computer for hours, searching. Going around in circles. Looking at the same info over again, willing the screen to say something different this time. Sending off requests for certificates, searches, information. Waiting, very impatiently for the information to arrive. Then starting again.

You ask another question and someone replies. Oh thank you, thank heavens. Someone who is willing to have a go at finding a piece of YOUR puzzle. Oh you wonderful person, please accept this virtual chocolate frog for your offer. You tentatively offer some of your information that fits into someone else's tree. It unlocks a whole wealth of reciprocal information. Whoo hooo! I'm making progress. Someone responds to a message regarding an event in their family which dovetails into your research. Thank you, I see where that fits in. You receive advice as to how you can save a few dollars. My credit card thanks you. I didn't realize that web page was available.

You also manage to make really dumb discoveries for yourself. (Can a discovery be dumb??) Which you keep quiet about. I know, you'd like an example. Well today I managed to work out it doesn't matter a rat's bottom which family history web tree thingy you join all the birth's deaths and marriages are in the same beat up old book with squiggly tiny typing. Have you lot any idea how many credits I have purchased to find this out.. And when you have looked at several of the same pages of the squiggly typing and the penny drops...... Duh!

Curently I have five streams of family research happening. Each of them at a certain point where I either, can't find the information, I'm waiting for information, I 'm too "jolly well' lazy to enter the information or the information just doesn't make sense. I berate myself for not being consistent in sorting, collating and entering my data. I spend hours of my time reinventing the wheel, re-searching over old ground. Tomorrow I will get organised.
Does all this sound just a little familiar. Were you not once in the same leaky boat as I find myself. Look at the knowledge base you have created over the last decade. Have you any idea how valued is your collective expertise. Can you not understand how welcome and appreciated it is to have someone provide that elusive answer.

I hope that the simple courtsey of a thank you is a sufficient impetus to convince you to continue with your advice and assistance. Because heaven knows I"m going to need it again, very soon. Just in case, I offer you some additional thank yous x a million. Some on behalf of anyone who has been too stupid, tired, busy or just plain disremembered to do so.

I defy you to continue thinking that your knowledge, expertise and freely given assistance is not appreciated by all or any of us who has ever posted a plea for help.

Linda
yesterday evening you put into words exactly what I have been thinking - well said to you and following posts.

Hi David ........................ from Canada!


You should always get as many certificates as you can afford to prove relationships etc. £7 is not a lot to pay for such proof.

I don't have anything more than standard membership in GR ................ they only direct you to other sites to see the censuses, bmds etc. And some of those other sites are free!


I would not be without a subscription in www.ancestry.co.uk. Expensive yes, but invaluable for the 24/7 access to all kinds of information, way above what you get on here.


for all births marriages etc in England and Wales after Jul 1 1837, go to www.freebmd.org.uk

Volunteers are adding the information from the GRO (General Record Office) records, and are currently upto about 1935 for many of them Freebmd is a free site. The Complete Index to bmds 1837 to about 2007 can be accessed on ancestry.


before July 1 1837, you have to access parish records ........... some counties are better than others in this. Try www.ukbmd.org.uk, or your county bmd, or your county Family History Society.


Or you can go to another free site, the Intenrnational Genealogical Index on www.familysearch.org, the Mormon Site. Go to the home page, click on Advanced Search, then click on International ........

Just be very careful about the difference between Submitted and Extracted records. Extracted records have been taken from the actual parish records and other documents. Submitted records have been sent in by members of the church, and may not be accurate, they almost never have any backing documentation for what they say!


Rootsweb.com, while affiliated with the Mormons, is another free site that carries family trees and you may find information there


Also google, google, google.


This site is excellent for hot matches .... although the only information actually carried on the site is that which has been entered by the members ..... and I for example have only a very small fraction of my ancestors in the tree on here.

GR is great for these community boards ..... there are many members like myself who help others in any way that we can, using our own memberships in other places to find information.


I know nothing about the Scottish site, but I'm sure someone else will tell you about it.



The last thing I would say to you is ............... do not believe everything that you get from a hot match. Double check what you get before adding it to your tree. Other members on here will tell you horror stories about wrong information that has sent them way off track. Do check carefully.





sylvia (in Vancouver)

Hello to all of you on GRU tips board...I am new to the GRU site just two weeks now. I can't thank the site volunteers and extended and 'tangented' (or is that just extended by distant marriage) for all the information. One previously unknown extended family member has Via a hot match taken me back two hundred years on an English line and added 40+ people (direct ancestors to 1590's / 1600),,,,,,, Two other inquaries added ten direct ancestors on Irish (2) and Scot (8) lines.

The time and expense years ago writing back and forth for UK and Scotland Records.....It will take years to request the documents to confirm just this weeks info. Which leads me to my question..... do all "credits" expire or is their another level of membership with unlimited access for the six months...?

Am I old fashion, going one generation / confiming with / and obtaining copies of the actual Birth/Marriage/Death records...at a time.....

I'm open to advice,

Does anyone know about Scotspeople site..?

Again in advance ...thank you for your, help, time and assistance.

Dave (in the USA)

How about this thread posted by Alan at 15:59 on March 5


Title was Origin of Name


Posted by Last Reply Alert
Alan 5th March 2009 15:59 Request review
where it come from

Add
Ann of Green Gables 5th March 2009 17:02 Request review
well give us a clue - what is the name!!!!!!

Add
Susan 5th March 2009 22:36 Request review
is there a punchline to this?????
You know like Constantinople is a very long word spell "it"
IT.

Add
Ann of Green Gables 5th March 2009 23:45 Request review
crystal ball anyone?

Add
Davo 6th March 2009 00:18 Request review
Yes?

Add
Ann of Green Gables 6th March 2009 00:32 Request review
yes what?

Add
Sylvia (in Canada) 6th March 2009 06:05 Request review
if only we knew!

Edit | Delete | Add
Ann of Green Gables 6th March 2009 08:51 Request review
if only!!

Add
Sylvia (in Canada) 6th March 2009 18:27 Request review
still missing?

Edit | Delete | Add
Ann of Green Gables 6th March 2009 18:35 Request review
oh yes indeed!!! along with the poster whom I messaged, so best forgotten

Add
Davo Yesterday at 14:52 Request review
Yes, What is what I meant.

Add








sylvia

I think GR themselves cause a lot of problems,

Firstly by not providing basic how to guides or even having a form for requests for help for people to fill in, forcing them to state if they have information or not, I've seen so many threads where people have put up the bare minium, got lots of responces only to say 'thanks but I knew that already'.

Secondly, no email notification, this is the only forum I have encountered that doesn't email you when you get a reply.

Thirdly by not having the good grace to pin the 'how to/beginners guides' that have been created by members to help people.

Fourthly by not monitoring the boards properly and moving threads that are started in the wrong board or deleting duplicate threads.

I genrally don't help people, still up to my neck in my own tree, when I have I've been lucky enough to be thanked.

I so far have only once had a query, I thanked people for their input, the only reason I haven't asked for more help is I want to do it myself, might as well put my history degree to some use.

I think it is a shame some people don't mind their P's and Q's but also that sometimes people who need to mind their P's and Q's contiune to be helped so contiune their bad behaviour.

The button to use to post any sort of response is the purple 'REPLY' button, just below the thread title.

Can I add that it's not really even thanks that we look for - although a word of appreciation doesn't go amiss - it's just to see some indication that the person who asked for help has actually looked at what has been found for them.

Much of the problem could be avoided, if only GR would advise new members how to use the thread system, and give them a little reminder that politeness will reap its own reward in terms of the help they get.

I only joined a few weeks ago, so I know that no guidance is given by GR -all they are interested in is trying to get me to spend more money with them.....................and they've got no hope of that!!

In most cases the Add button simply takes you to the top of the thread for some reason. Don't know what it's adding though!

Hi all,

Here is a really basic (and probably silly) question.

I've read the whole of this fascinating thread. I'd be mortified if I thought I had forgotten to thank someone for their hard work. But someone's comment on here made me wonder ... They said that new people might not know how to use these boards properly, and I think that includes me.

The comment referred to pressing the 'Add' button before replying, otherwise your reply might disappear into oblivion.

Please could someone clarify what the 'Add' button is for, and the correct procedure for replying to a thread?

I'm sure I've replied to threads before without using the 'Add' button.

There, I told you it was a silly question.
Thanks, Sue

Hi Lynda,

You wrote ' I do wonder if some people are put off asking a question, because of threads that seem to tell them what to do, or how to act, like they're naughty children.'

My intention was not to put people off, or to appear to be 'telling them what to do', I was merely asking that - after given the info they requested, they say a polite thank you, not give a brusque response. My answer to your quote above is - the one's who are impolite won't be put off as they obviously have no regard for others, and it saddens me that some people can be put off requesting info, as they would clearly be the requestees who would show courtesy.

Frank - I'm sorry, I should have said 'any thankyou' not 'any reply', and not having Scottish rellies I wasn't aware just how cheap their costs are.
But some of the 'guides' do read really badly whilst others are much more user friendly and welcoming. And yes, I know that there are lots of you out there beavering away, but then, I have been around here for quite a while. Others have been here for a much shorter time and time is what it takes to get used to these boards and how they and the volunteers work.

Much sympathy with your having to re enter your tree - a nightmare that keeps one awake. So along with 'google google' lets add 'backup backup'. Good luck with it.

you are so right about people not knowing how to find their posting - this should be down to GR

Threads similar to this appear quite frequently. Each time I respond with the same thing - that many new folks post a query and then go off and wait for an email to tell them that someone has responded to their question.

I quite agree about good manners but I feel heartily sorry for those who have posted a question which is important to them and are disappointed because they think no one has helped them.

Many. also , do not know how to find their threads again. GR were supposed to be looking into this one but......................?

I know this is true because it's happened to me at the beginning.

Thanks everyone for adding your opinions to my rant. The majority seem to agree - that sometimes, some requestees answers are abrupt and ungracious. Most requestees of course show gratitude, and appreciate the time people give willingly to their requests for look-ups etc. I would like to say this thread wasn't started to 'get at' newbies, rather to express my disillusionment of some members, new and old, who appear to take peoples time for granted, as though it's their (requestees) right.

I hope this thread has at the very least made some people aware that the forums are run by volunteer helpers who are kind enough to give their time and expertise to novices and others who have struggled to find say .... a mistranscribed name. Please, in future spare a thought for those helping you, and offer a friendly thank you - which will no doubt encourage volunteers to go one step further, and search for as much info as they can find on your ancestry. The more one puts in, the more one will be able to take out.

Just some thoughts on earlier questions which I will assume were not rhetorical.

Surely any reply is better than no reply?

.............Doesn`t that depend on the reply? If it is merely a request for more information then surely it should also display some degree of appreciation,however small, for the time and expense involved in the research.

And why should the thank yous be so fulsome?

.............Thank you is fine

And why do some 'volunteers' demand that questioneers conform rigidly to their instructions?

.............I think the word would be request rather than demand but the more information on offer, the better the resulting search will be.

And why on earth would volunteers use credits rather than subs?

.............You concede that as volunteers they offer assistance without asking or receiving reward. In addition to giving their time freely,they come across requests / demands for Scottish BMD which are only available as pay per view on Scotlands People, no subscriptions there.
The rates are 20p for a search and £1.00 to view a record which means there are people who will "take the hit" for 20p and pass on the basic available details only to have a request / demand for more details, dates and names, all of which would incur a £1.00 charge, come hurtling back without any acknowledgement or thanks.
Obviously not everyone is aware of these facts, but it can be irritating when it occurs regularly.
The only alternative is to visit The National Archives of Scotland.
http://www.scotlandspeoplehub.gov.uk/

Remember that some people don't understand that many of you just at the screen all day as though you were professionals.

................Yes, I am out in the fresh air all day so I use the weekend to relax at the screen and helping out I if I can and yes, sometimes taking "a hit"
I am sure there are many others who do the same.

It`s all about learning your past history and if you have to jump through hoops to find an elusive part of your family tree, then thats what you do.
Of course if you are not really interested or are easily put off, then this is not for you. Just remember that talking to uncles, grans,greatgrans etc can build up a lot of tree details even if some of the memories are rather vague.
I found a great uncle who died in WW1 and was totally forgotten as all the older family members had died without ever discussing it.
Incidentally, in the creation of your tree do make a point of saving it to a DVD / Memory stick / USB Key.
I am presently re-entering my Family Tree details and it`s painfull!

ingrate
/ingrayt/ formal or literary

• noun an ungrateful person.

• adjective ungrateful.

— ORIGIN Latin ingratus, from in- ‘not’ + gratus ‘grateful’

Google, Yahoo or any other search engine will bring up any answers you require.

Hi Jacki

Ingrate,,,,,,,,,Ungrateful person.....old english

CRx

Can I just add,

Whenever I ask for help be it Trying to find,Tips board or Look ups
at least one if not several people always help me,
there are some lovely helpful peeps on these boards
I hope a small minority of ingrates dont spoil it for the Majority.

Cockney Rebel