Genealogy Chat

Hi All
This website encourages you to contact other people that match your relatives but when you do you get no reply. Just a yes or no would be nice, it's only polite. You know who you are.
Brian

Brian, they probably don't know!

Bear in mind that many people took up free membership to start their trees off and then lost interest.

They may not have kept email addresses up to date on their account so haven't received notification.

They may be dead.

Also, a lot depends on what you say in your contact message as to whether you interest them enough to respond (many people just ignore the Genes auto worded messages.

Have you checked to see if your messages have been read?

I always respond to messages, EXCEPT for the automated Genes 'can I have access to your tree one.

I find it very rude to be asked by a complete stranger for access to my tree with absolutely no indication given as to who on my tree they think is a connection, how they are related to that person, and usually I find they are asking to see my tree without opening theirs in return

I am happy to share the results of many years research and investment both in time and money, with people I feel are genuinely connected to me/my tree, either by giving them access to my tree, or providing information, whichever seems appropriate. However I like to establish that there is a genuine connection before making that decision.

In the past I did reply to the automated messages, asking who on my tree the person thought they were connected to, and either I'd get no response,or else they''d say they couldn't remember!

If people take the trouble to make it clear what they think the connection might be, then I will always reply, even if it's only to say there is no actual connection. I may well end up doing a bit of research to try and supply the information they were looking for 'I hoped you might have the parents/siblings of John Doe' etc.

But that automated 'may I see your tree ' message without any addition information is certainly not polite in my opinion. I have a large tree, and I'm not going to open it to just anyone who asks, especially given the amount of 'tree-scrumping' that goes on.

I think Marie Celeste has covered the salient points well, but as someone you would consider impolite, I just wanted to explain why I personally chose not to respond in certain circumstances.

I think it was a very bad idea on GR's part to put that automated message on the "find out more" button when you Search all trees!

I got the message yesterday and decided to ask for more information - turns out we are connected so I am glad that I did.

If someone is searching trees for the first time or is a new member they are going to think that that is the normal thing to do.

Perhaps, instead of the automated message, GR could have a tip in the box on how to compose that initial message stating who you are looking for etc.?

I have always written to other members originally stating simply that I am looking for XX (born XX), son/daughter of XX and XX and, if applicable, married to XX.

I then ask if they can tell from this information whether we have a match or not.

I' m sure Brian will be polite and respond to our comments.

Brian

Have these people opened their messages from you?

Hello to MarieCeleste, Kucinta, Lynski and Reggie, thanks for commenting.

Yes my messages sent have indeed been read, and I know with some that we are connected. I also agree that the automated messages are too impersonal. I would never use them, especially the "can I see your tree please", after all, you are a complete stranger asking to see their family, their personal details. Having said that, if they don't want to share the "sorry not my relative" is fine by me, at least i'll know .Kind regards,
Brian.