Genealogy Chat

Any advice on contacting people,who might be a living relative.
How to write a letter,phone call etc.

Thanks

Nick Ashby

Hi Nick

It really depends on the situation?

Don't make a phone call. Write a letter which can be read and reread giving the person time to think things through and allowing them to contact you in their own time and method ( include your address, phone, email and a stamped addressed envelope).

if you are not sure you have the right person or even if you are sure, keep it 'light', don't get over emotional when writing, say something along the line of "I am researching my family tree and looking for information on (name) who may be related to me, and would be pleased to hear from you ".

If it is a birth parent you are seeking, be aware their current family may not know, so be cautious in what you write.

It depends entirely on the circumstances

If the person you wish to contact is using a site such as this and is therefore looking for relatives, contacting with a very carefully-worded letter may be OK, but if you've simply got a name from a phone book or similar, you'd need to be even more careful

If illegitimacy is involved, I would advise against any direct contact. use the proper channels. Untold damage can be done if a child whose existence has been kept secret turns up out of the blue

There is some sort of guide accessible from the Find Living Relatives board. If it is inadequate then perhaps someone should suggest improvements on the Suggestions board.

I dont think it matters what sort of guidelines Genes give Ken.....there are always those who dont read or dont care and will carry on regardless.

I remember one from a while ago who was looking for his birth mother, she was easily found and an address given out to him by another member. Within a hour or so he had gone and knocked on her door as she was fairly local.....Apparently she was pleased.....but what a shock that would have been

I do wonder how many lives and marriages are wrecked by well meaning children just turning up at their 'birth' mothers home?

I know these children are pretty desperate, but they judge on todays standards where children born out of wedlock are not considered unusual.

But many of these children would have been born at a time when it was considered so bad, that these young women were made to feel like criminals, especially in places like Ireland. This is rarely mentioned in shows on TV which make it all look so easy and cosy, tears of joy all round, but never any follow up to see the real fall-out.

The shows in question never tell us about the cases where the child is rejected, sometimes because the mother is scared of her husband, and would not dare let him know about any previous relationship.

In fact, they never give any indication that they have anything other than success with their searches, which simply isn't possible