Genealogy Chat

Hi Cat, Try not to take it too much to heart, I know part of you will be miffed that you think she could not even get the month right, but on the plus side, she has sent you one, and she took the time to pick one that suited your nature, maybe she was just extra keen to get your first ever card from her to you. Have an aunt that always sends her cards early to make sure you get them in time, maybe she was making sure that hers was the first card you received this year :O), and has she started writing her christmas cards yet ;O) You could always make light of it, by saying she must have been keen to get it to you so early, and has she started writing her christmas cards yet ;O) and maybe she will have it there a day or two early next year, but I would not make a big issue of it with her, she has after all took the time to send it which is posative sign. Hope this helps. Sheila

Good luck to all adoptees and birth parents alike. It's time to leave the nest. Thanks for being there and for listening. I appreciate all that you have done for me. Best Wishes Jules xx

My birthday is 3 weeks before hers which is why I assumed she'd know when I was born. The card is very 'me' (mucky joke type) so at least she got that bit right, I suppose!

Lou. Yep, that sort of thing does kinda hurt, doesn't it? Were you really that insignificant that she knows she had you but cant rememeber when? or Is she getting ahead of the game and making sure you have your card this time, in good time for your birthday? I only ever had one birthday card from mine once- Think it was one of those 'bargain basket ' jobs. A bit creased, glittery and ..well, about as far from 'me' as you can get in terms of my taste.....and that was sent a month late (and i met her for the very first time 4 days before my birth day in the very same year!)- so what was her excuse? Sorry, not very helpful am I? Never looka gift horse in the mouth? hey, you got one! When is your birthday exactly? Jess x

Lou, Glad to hear your b/m has sent you your first ever birthday card. The fact that it has arrived a month early could be as simple as looking at her diary and not realising the month she was looking is July and not June. As to what to say to b/m about it. I personally would make light about it. I know it feels a little weird just now but try to giver her the benefit of doubt. I would ring her and say thanks anyway and play it by ear. Jules xx

GIRLS....I NEED YOUR HELP! Sorry for shouting but wasn't sure you'd hear me over the noise on the boards! What do I do? I had a birthday card through the post this morning from birth mum. Lovely to finally have a birthday card off her for the first time in 30+ years. Problem is, it's a month early! Do I just thank her for the card or do I point out that it's not my birthday till July? Part of me its actually a little bit offended that she doesn't seem to know when my birthday is. Is that being unreasonable?

Hey Angela. You are as important as the next adoptee! The last time you left a message I responded, as i am in a very similar position to you, and as my reply to you said , had spent the day with my birth sister. Guess what we had talked about on and off all day? just what B/M is missing in NOT wanting to know us! Come on, help us here, Put your opinion,re-assure others, Be here with us and for us - WE NEED YOU!! Jess

Hi Angela, Please do not feel that anyone dislikes you or is trying to exclude you on this thread, far from it, I noted that you have finished your search for your birth family and have had mixed blessings from it e.g your actually birth parents have no contact with you and your sister, but your aunt and brothers do, which is good. I guess the problem is you tend to see more answers on here when someone asks a specific question, or when the birth parent has been found and they are making contact (this is a pivotol moment for them) when you just make general comments then sometimes you do not get a reply, this does not mean the rest of us are not interested in what you have to say we take most of these comments in and know who fellow adoptees are on this thread, and what they are going through or have been through. If you want to sound of you can do this on this thread or feel free to e-mail any of us direct. So stay and get support on here from the rest of us, also I am sure there must be others on here that have been rejected by their birth parents I know of a couple that have ,but are not on this thread (after the rejection they decided their search was over and no longer tend to use this site, however, there are a few sites set up for this I think NORCAP have one google their site on the web, and you should find this. Hope this helps, and stay around like any of the boards it just takes a little while to get to know everyone and feel your fitting in. Take Care for now, hope to see you on here again soon. Best Wishes Sheila

PLease don't be disheartened Angela. I myself have felt like this some times. Take a little time away from the board if you feel you have to but please come back. Even if you only read others postings. I have had to take some time out from time to time. Time needed to clear my head and sort through my feelings. Maybe this is what is needed. PLease, please come back. Best wishes Jules

Hi Angie, I am a relative newcomer on this site, so if there are politics involved, then they have passed me by! Just wanted to say Don't be disheartened. I enjoy reading everyones threads - particularly on adoption - and know the ups and downs that adoption brings. If you are having a difficult time at the moment - then post, so hopefully you can get some support. :-) Liz

i dont think im very liked on this thread all i get is negative replys good luck to you all will leave you all now feeling disheartened

Yep I'm in shock at the moment I was begining to despair at ever being able to contact her in the 'right way' not knowing how she was. Norcap were not very helpful but I thought their intermediary was the only way! But this chap is better as he knows her well. Can't thank you all enough for your good wishes and advice I had phoned the social worker today who gave me my adoption file, as Jess had suggested Hadn't thought of that but that was another way. Lots of heads definitely better than my one! Just has happened so quickley after waiting so long! still floating on a cloud, Ann xx

Hi Penelope. Brilliant News! bet your thrilled :O) Glad to see that the social woker has been of help to you, and I am sure because of the circumstances you will be happy that he can act as an intermediate for you and arrange a meeting, maybe you got him on a bad day the other day, or maybe he was covering himself and wanting to talk to your birth mother or her carers first. Anyway glad to see it seems to have turned out well, keep us informed on how things progress and if you need someone to talk things through you know where we are. Will be keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes well for you both. Best Wishes Sheila

excellent news Ann! whizz, bang and there you are! 'If's' now turn to 'when'...and how soon is when.... You must keep us all informed!! Love Jess x

Hi All, I hope this doesn't get moved I have only just started to be brave enough to post a message!! Thank you people for your kind e-mails. I had some good news today from chap from social services he rang me back!He met with my bm today and said he thought that she is well enough for contact and he will help set up a meeting for me to meet her, how kind is that! I am shocked I didn't think he would do that from the way he spoke to me before. She is 'mentally frail' but being looked after by this chaps team. Luckily he is at the top and I didn't get involved with her carers or the outcome might not have been this good. so i'll keep everyone informed of what happens and thanks again for all of your kindness and your advice best wishes Ann xx

Please do not add antagonisitic comments- thats is the sure fire way to get us deleted! As it is my name at the top of the thread it is me they will hold responsible! jess

No way can we move to General. I can well imagine the kind of welcome we'd get on there with this thread. There are too many who utilise that board who have an opinion on anything and everything or if they don't, they'll create one, usually to spark a row or antagonise. The person who sent me those delicious emails before Christmas voicing their opinion of adoption is still on there day in day out and I've no wish to interact with them again. This thread is about assisting adoptees, not just practical tips but with emotional support as well It's a vital, much needed resource and the s*** will hit the fan if they dare to delete it or move us Just my humble opinion. I shall go and do what they pay me for now.....put the kettle on! lol Lou xx

HI Jess, Thought the title was different. I did wonder the same thing so I copied the last page in case we have to move to the General Board, problem as you say is that it moves so fast if anyone has a query it ay be over looked :O( Sheila (who has her fingers crossed also)

friends. With GR's promise to delete anything that isn't a 'tip' on the tips board I have changed the title of this thread. I most sincerely hope that GR do not find it to be misplaced. I am not sure where it would be better placed, the general board moves far too quickly.... Well, just keep your fingers crossed that we stay, Adoptees are good at ''crossing things and hoping'' so maybe we'll be okay Love Jess x

Hi All, I have had my file now for a few years and not sure the lady who gave/read it with me is still about. I was advised to join Norcap at the time to register my name to be found! I have paid (voluntary contribution) for an intermediary to make contact with BM but had short e-mail for them to say need more evidence that she is who I say she is, as there are over 70 people with her name living in uk! This lady has not moved far from her family home and is now in sheltered accomodation The reason I know quite a lot is that I have made contact with a lady who used to know her about 30 years ago and she has told me about bm mental illness. I just want to do the right thing for her I don't want to upset her to much but I want to know her. I'm a bit fed up with the whole thing now I'd love just to go and knock on her door but i'm too scared of it all going wrong. Thanks Jess I will ring the man tom. He was a bit short with me and I have been reading the BIL's thread with interest and sympathy!