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adoption/please be gentle on adoptees *PART TWO*

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Maureen

Maureen Report 11 May 2005 10:35

Hi Jess. Reading the messages again. I mailed you some time ago regarding friends mother, now 76, trying to get info on her birth family. She was born 1927 and adopted. She only managed to get her original birth cert approx 2 years ago and not a lot of info from Social Worker. It was me that told her just before Xmas that she had a twin sister. (info I see on birth cert gave a time of birth - sign of another birth). To cut a long story short the SW only admitted to 'a twin' after several meetings and an insistance on my friends part that we had found the evidence. However, to date, they will not give her further details of her twin or acknowledge whether she had been adopted or not. They say they have contacted the Westminster courts (place of adoption) and they will not open the file to her, perhaps at 'a later date' was quoted. Hels Bells, the woman is 77. Have they no compassion! She only wants to know if her sister is still alive before it's too late. It's been said on this message line that they now have 'the Right to Information. Apparently that's not actually true. Apparently the Data Protection Act can come into force. It is because the 'other twin' may never have known that she was adopted and may, even now, cause distress. I find that hard to believe in this day and age. If anyone can tell me how to get round this problem I would be only too greatful. All other info regarding birth mother, her marriages and other children, we have found out for ourselves. We only need an adopted name for the 'twin'. Mo.

Sue

Sue Report 10 May 2005 18:12

Hi, my adoptive parents have given a really good life,I also thought that something was missing and I found my birth mum a year ago now but I am still looking for my brother I dont think I will feel 'complete' until I have found him. Sue

Julia

Julia Report 10 May 2005 18:01

I agree with you James, my adopptive parents gave me a very happy childhood and loved me like their own, to me they will always be my parents, but i needed to find my missing peices to my life jigsaw. My dad is dead and my mum has senile dementia,i love her dearly and would never hurt her. I now have two mums !! Julia X

James

James Report 10 May 2005 09:46

Thanks Jess, appreciate that, And to Julia, glad that all went well and smoothly for you and that Sunday will bring you more happiness. For those of you who may never find or meet youre birth parents, never forget the love that your foster/adoption parents gave you, that is to be cherished for ever no matter what. But do be aware when asking about youre past, their hearts may quietly be breaking BUT they will understand. Be happy, James. PS, come on you men, lets have more from you, dont be shy.

Julia

Julia Report 9 May 2005 18:00

hi further to my previous message, my birth mother and brother came to my house on Sunday(yesterday)it was very emotional but really lovely as well. my mother looks so like me(or maybe should be other way round) it was like looking in the mirror except for an older face. My brother also looks like me we look like two peas in a pod!. We all hugged and cried and talked for hours. I even have the same mannerisms as both of them, very spooky. We looked at photos of me and my brother as babies, we were very alike then as well. I know it sounds strange but although i have never met them before, i recognised them and felt a strong sense of belonging. I am meeting my cousin next sunday (shes the one who set the ball rolling) and then the rest of the family the week after. God i think im going to explode with happines. I hope this does not upset those who are still searching and those who have not had positive results, but i needed to share this with fellow adoptees, as only you can understand fully!! I will let you know how we all get on Joan thanks you are one in a million love Julia xxxxxx

The Bag

The Bag Report 9 May 2005 14:35

No Problem James, glad you have out your side too - Blokes as you can no doubt see are in the minority on this thread - perhaps not as open or feel differently- I don't know. You were not brought up with your birth Mum- that makes you a member of the 'gang'- welcome!! Jess x

James

James Report 9 May 2005 14:06

Jess, dont forget the thousands of foster children that were never adopted, I know that you probably meant them to be included under adoptees as well. I was fostered until I reached 16 but lived with my 'Mum' until I left home and got married at 26, I always considered her to be my 'Mum' until she passed away. The day she passed away the nurse said that she was a lucky woman to have a son like me but I replied ' No, I was the lucky one really', not going into detail with her. It has never worried me that I was fostered, I had a wonderful childhood and can never thank my 'Mum' enough for my upbringing, There will, of course, always be the thought of who my birth mother was , at the back of my mind, and yes I would like to know about her but it may never happen so I get on with it, but I do understand those who cannot find out the truth . Thanks for having this thread, Jess. James.

Val wish I'd never started

Val wish I'd never started Report 9 May 2005 13:33

one of my family had a Son adopted I know his real name and I think his adopted name and who adopted him but I dont think she would like me contacting him what do you think is it a bad idea ?and would he mind do you think he is 40 years old now

Kelly

Kelly Report 9 May 2005 13:29

HI SHEILA, yep im trying to keep in good with worcester social services though they dont make it easy and refuse to do anything or even confirm when and where she was adopted, till the law changes, i have contacted worcester county courts myself, and have a family judge currently looking over all trhe information i have sent (dates copies of birth certificates photos etc), he will decide what information if any can be released to me , even if i knew the exact date of her adoption, all these things help as its all little bits of a very large puzzell. i just hope hes a nice judge who will help me , they have there own adoption dept at worcester.. its just a keep my fingers crossed again think for now but im hoping something will come of it. kel

The Bag

The Bag Report 8 May 2005 15:32

Donna that is so hard. No-one can stop you putting flowers for your Dad- maybe his grave isn't going to be the right place but there must be somewhere that could be a special place just for you. or maybe plant a special something in your own garden Just for him. I am not defending your 1/2 sisters at all but from the other side it must be hard- in a way you have far more than me, you have met them and in the greater part , have achieved what you intended. Maybe it isn't a case of walk away, just back a way a bit, let Aunt and Uncle contact you and if contacts ceases, well, maybe that was the way it was meant to be. Maybe you dad wil feel easier if you do loosen the new tie a bit- maybe he was right and it wasn't the right thing to do- maybe you need to tell him he was right after all and that you love him? Thinking of you jess x

Donna

Donna Report 8 May 2005 15:18

hi everyone it is good that lou has had contact with her mom i am so pleased for you and it is great that jules has made contact with her birth family and that things are going well i am so pleased and jenny congratulations on finding your brothers sister it is brill .jess have you had any contact with your brother? I am on a low point at the momment i am really getting on well with my aunty and uncle and there family which is brill but the sad thing is i went to my dads grave today to put some flowers for him with my aunty marie and there was a letter off my sisters saying that they did not want anything to do with me and that i was not welcome to put any flowers on for my dad which really upset me they said they have got wonderfull memorys of my dad and i have no right to any of them and that i was upsetting there mom by being around and i should just go this was the woman who moved her lover in whilst my dad was dying sorry to go on just needed some support not sure wether to keep seeing my aunty and uncle or just walk away as i do not want to upset anybody else and my addopted dad still does not want to see me best wishes donna x x x

Unknown

Unknown Report 7 May 2005 18:27

Update Asked Grandad if it was ok to go to the airport to see my brother before he went home. We spent an hour chatting and laughing. Hubby and 3 of the little ones were with me. Hubby was really pleased to see me so happy. It's awful saying goodbye. I did block the tears til I got in car! What a softy I am! I have taken some photos of us together and also given him a couple to take home and show his Mum. Grandad told me that A is thrilled with his new sister. I am thrilled with my brother. It seems strange to have a brother who wants to be around me and one that I can relate to. My adoptive brother and I have never really got on. We are like chalk and cheese. I used to feel like the black sheep of the family and within my adoptive family that will never change especially now. However, within my birth family I feel like I belong. It does make me wonder what my life could have been like but you can't change the past. I still haven't been able to grieve for Dad as yet. It's still doesn't seem real. When I can organise going to Holland I will be able to put things to rest properly. Hope everyone is well. Love Jules xx

Unknown

Unknown Report 7 May 2005 12:53

Hi Jenny Thrilled for you, hope it all works out Best of luck Lou x

Unknown

Unknown Report 7 May 2005 10:38

Hi Jenny, Really happy for you all. Wishing you all the best. Jules x

Jenny

Jenny Report 7 May 2005 10:24

Thanks Jess We are happy to take things slowly and see how it goes, will let you know what happens! Best wishes jenny

The Bag

The Bag Report 7 May 2005 10:19

well done Jenny! Slowly with no expectations has got to be the best way to go! Hope it works! Jess x Hi Gerry...!!

Jenny

Jenny Report 7 May 2005 10:09

Hi everyone, just wanted to give an update. Have found my husband's sister who was adopted at birth. At the moment we have contact through her support worker, she has said that she does want to get to know my husband but wants to take things slowly, which we totally understand. We are just really pleased to have found her and to have the chance to get to know her and her family. Thank you to those of you who gave me lots of advice and information and good luck to all of you. jenny

Geraldine

Geraldine Report 7 May 2005 07:49

Hi there Dorothy it's me Gerry (from Australia) It's nice to see you here on Genes... we sure get about don't we. Cheers Gerry

Joan Allan

Joan Allan Report 7 May 2005 05:42

Hello Donna (Strump) or anyone else trying to get in touch. My name is Joan ALLAN not ALLEN. Sorry if this sounds picky but I am not being that way. It is quite easy to get the spelling incorrect - at the end of the day it is what you hear and assume it is spelt the way you believe. My details for connecting to me are joanallan at ntlworld (short for dorothy) *com* and the site is www.myfolks.net

The Bag

The Bag Report 6 May 2005 21:43

Dee ; WOW! not a lot else to say really! jess x