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adoption/please be gentle on adoptees *PART TWO*

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

The Bag

The Bag Report 9 Apr 2005 13:03

One of those down days, Jules? I guess maybe having looked forward to something for so long, a dream that turned to a reality and has now 'happened' there is always a bit of a deflated feeeling. it will ease, and tommorow is another day. ~Jess~

Unknown

Unknown Report 9 Apr 2005 12:28

Hi Donna, Thanks for your reply. It was good to meet them finally. It certainly filled in the missing blanks! It's just a shame 31 years have gone by before we were able to find each other but that's life I guess. Been having a few down days of late and today seems like one of those days. Don't know why but I guess tomorrow might be better. How are you getting on? Any glimmer of hope yet? Don't give up yet. There's always tomorrow! Take care Jules x

Donna

Donna Report 8 Apr 2005 23:15

hi jules that is fantastic that you met your sister and your family today it is good that you all got on and had a lot in common i am so pleased for you lots of love donna x x

Unknown

Unknown Report 7 Apr 2005 16:04

Hi guys, Quick update! Meeting my Sis tomorrow. Can't wait. Hope everyone is well. Speak to you soon Love Jules xx Met my sister J today. All went well. Boy can I see a resemblance. We have the same nose for starters. Her little girl J is the spit of my lad S as a baby. She has given me a couple of photos and shown me more of Dad. She says I look like Dad especially the nose and hair. She says I am so similar to Dad's sister Jill. Right down to the same humour and the way we tell it as it is! We have promised to stay in touch with each other. I have met Grandad also and we are like 2 peas in a pod! It was all natural and as though we had known each other forever. Still waiting to hear from my little brother. I doubt if I will hear from my other sister Pam. That is a long story that I don't know much about that yet! Hope everyone is ok. I'm home only for a few mins and the we off back to see the family for the weekend to continue house hunting! Take care and stay positive Jules

Sandra

Sandra Report 7 Apr 2005 14:50

So I am being dense - what is a thread and how do I get to read it?

Sheila

Sheila Report 7 Apr 2005 13:51

Hi Jenny, How lucky have you been finding that his sister is in the process of receiving counselling now :O) Don't think he need to go in to all the ins and outs of his family life, just a bried outline saying who adopted him and where he was raised if he had other siblings etc, and then about you his wife and if you have any children. The rest of of the details he can tell her, if she agrees to meet him he can tell her the rest later, just think if the situation was reversed and he was receiving a letter from her, what would he like to know. Hope all goes well for you. Sheila

Steven

Steven Report 7 Apr 2005 13:43

Thanks to all who have replied. Sheila, My B/father's name is not on my own B/Cert.,thereis just a line thru' that box.His name is only mentioned in the documents I have just had from Barnardos.I will email you with a few details a bit laterfor a possible look up. HI there Lou, I am still at the curious stage of all this! I first found out about about my Birth family at the end of December 2004.I am interested in finding my B/father as it will sqare the circle. There is also the possibility that a meeting might not be possible , for one reason or another. I have yet to speak or meet my B/mother, but steps are being taken to remedy that, as we speak. Hi Jess, Yes H/sis was 'kept' by our mother. In fact they both live in the same flat now. I'm hoping it wont be too hard tracing B/Father, wheather alive or not.B/M is getting the standard contact letter from my councillor. so we'll just have to wait an' see.

Jenny

Jenny Report 7 Apr 2005 11:39

Hi everyone, We have found the adoption agency that my husband's sister Karen was adopted through. Recieved a letter from Karen's support worker saying she is at the moment counselling her and will be seeing her in a few weeks. The support worker has told my husband that he can send a letter with information about himself and his parents and she will show Karen. The thing is my husband's parents never told him about his sister and he doesn't have any contact with them. He wants to be upfront about the situation but should he go into the details now or leave it and see how things progress? Any advice?? Jenny

Sheila

Sheila Report 7 Apr 2005 11:33

Hi Steve, Been a busy time for you hasn't it ;O) did your cousin have any idea who your birth father was (in case your birth mother wont tell you) she may be able to find out from another family member later on, although I appreciate this is a bit of a delicate time at the moment. Good Luc! hope all goes well with your Birth mother, and if you need any elecotoral look ups for you father e-mail me and I will see what I can find. Sheila

Unknown

Unknown Report 7 Apr 2005 10:19

Hi Steve Must be major mixed emotions time at the moment! I spoke to my birth mother for the first time 2 weeks ago and it was surprisingly relaxed and informal to how I'd always mentally imagined it would be. My BF wasn't mentioned at all, either in my adoption file or when I spoke to her, and at the moment I have no interest in him but if it ever comes up in conversation then maybe my curiousity will be piqued! Good luck with it and keep us informed...we love to know what's going on in everyone else's life and we're not NOSY, Jess, we're concerned and supportive!!! Lou x

The Bag

The Bag Report 7 Apr 2005 10:09

We were still here Steve! Was the half sister kept by your B/M? going to be hard tracing your B/F - mine wasn't named on birth cert bt no doubt as to his indentity from info in the file. followed it thru, and found there were many more than me to 'attribute' to him one way or another.He died some years ago and maybe that is for the best, especially as some of the tales I have heard about him.... Good luck witht the letter to B/M - who know what it will return - hopefully some of the answers you are looking for. Keep us nosy wotsits informed please!! ~Jess~

Steven

Steven Report 7 Apr 2005 09:58

Hi there all, It's been the thick end of a year, that I started looking for my Birth parents. firstly there was the wait for the GRO at Smedley Hydro to grind into action. Then the wait for the court who sanctioned the adoption, followed by more paperwork and applications to the adoption agency. [Barnardo's as it turns out] for my adoption files And then another wait for councilling. Whilst all this has been occuring, I used GR, And was spotted by a cousin who asked a couple of questions, and with my Emailed answers,deemed herself satisfied I was who I thought I was. I was informed I have a half sister, and a few cousins scattered aroud the globe!! I have met my sis, along with cousin, but that is all at present, but there is so much family history to get my head round i neary have brain fade!! Now that i have my adoption file,I am hoping to possibly trace my B/F, if he is still alive.[next project] He was not named on my birth Cert. As I tap this into the 'ooter,,the standard intro letter is winging its way to my B/M, who has not mentioned my existance to anyone[A lot of heart searching 54yrs ago,must make it difficult] Steve

Steven

Steven Report 7 Apr 2005 08:54

Thanks a bundle Jess. [Goes to find cushion for chair] Its time to catch up with everyone, and compose my entry to this thread! Steve

The Bag

The Bag Report 7 Apr 2005 07:12

bumped for Steve.we were lurking a few pages back! ~Jess~

Sheila

Sheila Report 6 Apr 2005 19:11

Hi Colin, Think it will depend on your local Social Services and how backed up they are, generally most people find it takes a good couple of months though before they are able to see there records , Sorry. Do you know your birth name and your mothers, you could start serching before you see your file if that is the case, let me know if I can be of any help to you. Lou, Reckon that could be for the best, sorry your B/M has had such a hard time of it, but glad she sees you as a posative thing in her life, once her friend is back it may cheer her up to be in touch again, being so far from her oly home she may be lonely. Take Care all Sheila

Unknown

Unknown Report 6 Apr 2005 18:52

Hi All I decided to wait until her friend is back from holiday before getting in touch. I'm sure she will be fine but I would hate to be responsible for her getting herself into a state without much support around her. Without going into too much detail (names etc), BM had a breakdown a few years ago as a result of losing her husband very suddenly, my younger half brother getting himself sentenced to 7yrs inside and the council evicting her from the house she had lived in for 24 years as a result of little bro's criminal activity. She's been rehoused quite distance away from where I was born which is where she had lived all her life and where all her remaining family and her friends are so she's not only trying to pick up the pieces and get herself back to 'normal' but she's adjusting to being in a strange area with very few people around her for support. I was concerned initially that me turning up in her life would be too much for her to cope with at the moment but I've spoken to her very close friend S and she feels that this could be the best thing that has ever happened to her and could be a major part of the healing process for her. Apparantly she talked about me constantly, told everyone that she had three children, not just the 2 boys that everyone knew about and when the older son was 11, he was asked what he wanted for his birthday and he said he wanted his sister to come home. Bless! So S is back tomorrow and it was mentioned about trying to arrange to meet up somewhere on neutral territory for a coffee and a chat so we'll see whether BM still wants to do that Lou

The Bag

The Bag Report 6 Apr 2005 18:14

Donna Time hopefully will see things straighten out a bit.People need time- and if after time things dont work out, hopefully it iwll have served as a healer to you. Initially i was very hurt that my brother didn't phone me,but as time passes It is healing ~Jess~

Colin

Colin Report 6 Apr 2005 18:09

can anyone tell me how long an adoption file would take to get to me? what official papers are in them? ie.birth cert,and ive been told i will have to have counselling does it hurt!! and how do you find t least one single relative ive been searching the net and cant find a single link, nothing at all,so i dont have a clue, planet mars no doubt! the reason i think there are not many men on this message thingy is we dont like waiting for things, no patience,want it now, do it, meet them, get on with life! or is that just me? good luck with your searches colin.

Donna

Donna Report 6 Apr 2005 09:50

hi jules how is your house hunting going? did you meet your grandad?and have you had anymore contact with your birth family ,hope everything is going ok for you and that you had time to clear your head . I went to see my birth aunty and my cousins again last night it was a very good night we all got on very well my husband said it was like he had known them a long time ,I am taking my children to meet them on saturday for a hour still no phone calls off my sisters which is sad as i really wanted to get to know them ,my uncle has not phoned me since we met my aunty said to give it time ,my addopted dad is still not talking to me i am hopeing he will soon come around as i miss him my mom is still talking to me but has to come to my house to see me or talk on the phone I feel like you can not win with family addopted or birth either way at the momment ,oh well back to work on monday it will probably take my mind off things I hope everyone else is doing well at the momment lots of love donna x x

Unknown

Unknown Report 6 Apr 2005 08:50

hi guys, Sorry I haven't been around. Not really been in the mood to chat. My little break has been eventful! Had to change my tyre on Monday, there was a screw in my other one! Went to the flat Sunday night and there were ants everywhere! I almost forgot the appointment at one house yesterday. It was too small and very clausterophobic. To most it is a nice house and overage size, but I couldn't breathe. Even the street itself wasn't very wide and crowded. So that's a no no! All hopes of seeing more houses is fading away quick. The days just wizz by. I really don't want to go back. If I could find a home right now, I'd get the family here in an instant just so I don't have to go back. This is home to me. I know in my heart of hearts that I'm doing the right thing by wanting to move. I'm off for the day now. Take care and stay positive. Love Jules xx