General Chat

Thanks for the link Island. I wanted to read it not because I thought my mother was like that but someone else. Actually in reading it my maternal grandmother could be a little bit like that with me not to the extent written about though. I mor wanted to read if because some of the things other mentioned sounded like someone I was friends with some years ago. She behaved in a lot of those ways toward me. It was uncanny reading some of the article and realising that it fitted this woman to a T. I ended the friendship (it was mostly a written/phone call friendship with a couple of visits thrown in). After the 2nd and last visit to my home I kept writing only to find she wasn’t replying so I stopped. 6 months later a card arrived saying we needed to talk so I wrote a nice letter explaining why I had finally stopped writing only to get one back telling me she had been ‘suicidally depressed’ for 6 months and it was my fault. I was devastated but soon came around and wrote another nice letter telling her how I had changed and refusing to take responsibility for her problems. She rang me then to tell me that I had misunderstood her but then subtly inferred again that her problems were my fault. She ended the phone call by saying that she expected to hear from me again soon. 8 months after that and two unanswered text messages later the message finally sunk in that I was no longer interested. It was both hard and easy to get her out of my life and wish only good things to all those who have to deal with people like her, their mothers or whoever.

Alison

Hi Island, unfortunately not doing so well today. I know narcissists are dangerous people, but found out today just how very dangerous they are, when denied or not in full and total control. They are deadley.

Gail

Hi Alison

This is the link that Sharron put up, it still works for me.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/narcissistic-personality-disorder/17832-characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html

Hi Gail
I hope you are well :- )

Alison just google Narcissist and you will get heaps on this subject. There is so much information on the net now on this subject.

http://www.melanietoniaevans.com.au/articles/narcissist-behaviours.htm

This is only one link that has a list of behaviours and very interesting.

Gail

Is there a new link to the article that Sharron mentioned? I'd like to read it but the old link no longer works.

Just wanted to give this a nudge up.

Gail

Pleased to see this thread still running it is incredibly cathartic just to talk things out. isnt it
And remember its not just personality disordered parents
These folk exist in all walks of life,as bosses spouses friends and of course on the www,... even occassionally on this website
One thing though once you know what you are looking at you spot them so much faster.
I always thank my narcissistic ex for my personaliy disorder radar

Yes liz thankyou,most things I can think through, but this one has me beat. and you're right it has brought back a flood of horrors.

My daughter's a councillor, I'm sure she has a pal whose ear I can bend.it's not something I can bottle up. all hugs gratefully recieved !

She was lucky in having a loving mother to run to.Apparently she ran off to my mother's brother to help her and,of course,he sent her back.Her parents were abroad at the time.

Things are certainly falling in to place.

I do hope people are learning to listen now.

Lindsey, here's a hug or several for you, this news must have shaken you to the core, to know your suspicions were right all along and not to have been believed has brought everything back to you.
Treat yourself gently and maybe try to get some counselling or talk with your doctor, ask for a double appointment so you get a bit longer with him/her and see what they advise. You need to be able to address this and talk things out, so that you can put it behind you or deal with it some other way. It may be that there are victims who need information and now that this person has died, they can't get closure perhaps. You might be able to help them by letting them know you tried to get something done and were ignored.

Sharron, you must be having mixed feelings now too. How awful for your cousin to have been treated so badly while her brother was ok, she must have been glad to leave that house.

Lizxx

Can I join the shaky club?
someone pointed me to the headline.> paedo teacher dies in crash.
my jaw dropped, as I had worked as a carer at his home for 3 years and only suspected things were not quite right.
When I told my boss, who was old school, she didn't believe me. And because I was conditioned to not being believed it went no further.
I've been plagued with memories this week and realise all the lies and secrets that went on.of course it all makes sense now, but has been a real awakening, so I'm just a bit fragile right now.

I have been reunited with a cousin who lived with my parents for a while before I was born along with her twin brother.

She has just revealed to me that my mother was cruel to her during that time,including making her eat mustard for raiding the currants in the larder. Her twin brother was never punished.

This was an extremely cathartic revelation for which I am very grateful and,at the moment, a bit shaky.

My counsellor loooked for this thread that I had told her about but forgot what site it was on, however she googled narcissistic mothers and found the topic interesting and helpful.

She agrees with me that my mother wasn't really narcissistic but did lay a lot of guilt on to me, to please her all the time and such.
It might help someone else she counsels tho so I am glad I got her to look.

Lizx

I 'found' her on a craft forum I belong to, they have a section for difficult topics and I was looking for a thread I had been following when I spotted what she had posted. Reading it was like reading some of our stories on here and some of the advice, well lets say I wanted to shake a few people! Think I'll drop her a pm on there with the link to the article and take it from there.

Point her at the article Sarah.I don't think it should scare her but it will give her an idea of what she is dealing with and that she is not as alone as she thinks she is.

Is that on genes or have you found another place where we are congregating?

Right question ladies.
I've just seen a post on another forum by a woman regarding her difficult relationship with her mother, my first reaction was she's one of us but how do I tell her that? I can't just ignore what I've read but at the same time I don't want to scare her off.

Hello Tania.Thanks for nudging.

n

And how would you begin to describe what was happening? I have, since my mother died, tried to explain the situation to people.before I found that wonderful article of course. On more than on occasion I have had people suggest that perhaps she wasn't feeling very well.Surely,if you are feeling unwell you consult a doctor rather than abuse a little girl.

The implication seems to be that I am bearing an enormous grudge about one small incident.

How many of us thought we were the only one? It is easy not to see beyond the public persona which of course in these cases is created by the one in control to benefit themselves as we well know.