General Chat

Good idea, Sharron, mothers day meant nothing to me until my son came along, and he is gone now, so do best to ignore the fuss made.

Just thought I would nudge this up for anybody who might be having difficulties in the run-up to Mothering Sunday.

Just brought to mind, I went through life thinking I was ugly, which according to my mother I was because I wasnt a chubby baby. It was only in my late teens that I learned otherwise!

Oh,dear. I have just tried to reach that article and, according to Yahoo, it is no longer available.

Luckily I have printed it off for myself but don't know what to do about anybody else who wants to read it..

Know just where you are coming from Nina when you say "it hurts"

Thanks to this thread we can now share out HURT with others and not suffer on our own

xx

This is the second time that I have read this thread end to end.
If I write everything down it would take a week,nd I would go doolally remembering my childhood.
Nothing I did was good enough.Too fat (Iwasn't) not tall enough,clever enough,helpful enough,blah blah blah..........

Not forgetting all the sacrifices made just for me. My fault she got pregnant,my fault we didn't have much money,my fault for getting scarlet fever,and the inconvenience of visiting hospital while pregnant with my sister,who also was never good enough.

That feels good to get off my chest,but can't say any more,it hurts too much.


thanks for this thread,it's good to know one is not alone. Nina from Sheffield.

I can identify with much of what is said here. Mine was a diva, always had to be the centre of attention, plenty of put downs. In a shop she would drag me from a rail of clothes saying loudly so all could hear 'the large sizes are over there' yet I had never drawn attention to her in this way. Occasionally, she would offer to pay for something, but only if she could make a grand gesture at the till to impress the shopkeeper, just as you'd got your credit card out.

Look at this for some of the suggested causes.

http://www.winning-teams.com/narcissism_causes.html

I still cry at times now for the little girl I was that was... never loved or kissed and hugged and was constantly worried. Then you hear such ignorant people trotting out that childhood is the best time of your life!!

i think when i was young..i just thought that was the norm and i wasn't good enough

my cousins were always better than me at everything, and she wouldn't tolerate me in the school holidays i always had to stay with them.. i can remember crying when she left me even now.

but , yes a bit late in my life but the only thing i have her to thank for is that i grew strong and eventually didn't feel so guilty about hating her when she hurt my children

Mine was still throwing out the barbs the day before she died. Why break the habit of a lifetime?

Nobody would have believed you had you been able to tell them what was happening when you were a child though would they?

i am an only child as well..i would love to have had siblings to share the stress with, i just thought i was the bain of her life, and she treated one of my daughters the same way too the day before she died (my mother) she told my daughter what a dreadful granddaughter she had been and those were the last words she said to my daughter..how wicked was that !

Nudged for Stella.

Thanks for nudging Jean.I don't always like to because"you conceited little bugger,I don't know what makes you think people will want to read about your imaginings blah,blah,blah....."

I'm sure you have all been there.

Just nudging this for those who havent read it. I'm sure there are others out there who it would help, it has certainly helped me.

I am an only child.Childbirth was probably her first fruitful illness.I think of myself as the unwanted by-product of a very worthwhile pregnancy.The attention was greatly cherished it was just a pity there was a baby at the end.

Sharron, my sister is 9yrs older than me and she is so very like our mother. If I am ill, and I have been told I wont live the year out twice since I was 48, but she is always more sick than me, and why didnt I call on her yesterday, you know I never see anyone! Mum died at fifty one so I suppose sister just took over. Our brother lives the other end of the country, but brings his caravan rather than stay with her although she is the only one with room.

Oh dear yes,the hard work.That Woman's Weekly used to take a lot of reading and those fags had to be smoked.No mine was seriously lazy with a hoarding habit but all the mess was mine.All the seven transit loads I have had out since she died.

I was never allowed to be ill because she was always worse with the result that I ignore symptoms now and was in danger of dropping dead at short notice a few years ago.She had the longest menopause on record just to eclipse any problems I might have with puberty and adolescence.

My mother kept my sister and I clean and well presented, it was where she took her glory from, people would complement her on how lovely we looked. Her house and garden also. Even now her house and garden are her pride and joy. Tell her you feel ill, so what, her grass needs cutting, and the gardener didn't come when he said he would! Tell her you are going on holiday, she wouldn't thank you for it. No have a good time! Tell her how hard your kids work, she worked hard (when she worked part time) no one works as hard as she did and still does! Tell her you are visiting someone else, huh, so she won't see you that day! Never listens to me, just wants to talk about herself and my Dad. Even insists on telling me in great detail about her flipping dreams, of which she has a lot! Rant over x

Do you think it is learned behaviour? There was a time in the relationship with my partner when his behaviour was making me very unhappy (his mother is also narcissistic I believe) when I realized that I was behaving like my mother and did all I could to rectify the situation.

Sometimes it seems like hitting back but at the wrong person,the soft target who can't hurt back.
It always felt that my parents didn't row but punished me for any part of me that reminded them of the other partner.

Your sister,Jean, is she acting just like Mummy would or do you think she has her own genetic fund of selfishness?

Have to say mine kept us well clothed and fed, she wouldnt be thought lacking in that respect, but love and kindness did not exist.Put me down at every opportunity.
my sister does not bake anymore, so when I took her some scones I thought she would be pleased, but all she said was, Jeanette bakes lovely scones! When my son died, the only thing she could find to say was,'I havent seen my son for two weeks'.

And did you all have the same superb collection of clothing as I did?The finest the jumble sale could provide.Of course I didn't deserve any better because I was not grateful for that,which was beautiful stuff,never been worn!

She didn't always wash it before I wore it either,or much after come to think of it!