General Chat

Mine delighted in making a production of telling me and keeping on about it too.She was obsessed with all things gynaecological,especially if they brought a little attention to her.

I hit puberty very young,as do many who have sweets instead of affection,attention,interest,care and ridicule for being fat.

As I was going to be having puberty she decided it was time to start the longest menopause in world history.One phrase I particularly remember from her was,"Well we both got something happening to us gal,it's just that was is happening to me is more serious."

Not from where I was standing it wasn't!

In one respect I was lucky and had a wonderful dad. He did try to make up for the loss of mothering and the torment. I was always berated for being a daddies girl, but who could blame me.

My dad told me the facts of life when I was 16 he was horrified that mother had never told me. The monthlies, I was told was something you got and just had to put up with. This was because I thought I was going to die the first time and did not have a clue what was happening. My poor dad was mortified when I told him. He explained everything in such a kind and compassionate way. He had 8 sisters, so knew what he was talking about, and it was never something to be hidden or ashamed of in his family.

When my mother got dementia she finally told me she was proud of me, by then it did not matter any more. I did cry at her funeral, not for my loss but for hers.

Gail

I was always told I was imagining things.as it was so many small incidents it was always very hard to get a hold of the situation in my mind,which,of course,made it even harder to deal with.

I am just so grateful to whoever wrote that article for putting it all together.

Seems we are having the 'Alternative Mothering Sunday' event on this thread.

Thank you Lainey for your kind words x

What strikes me from reading this thread is the pain and suffering that innocent people have endured through no fault of their own. Odd thing to say I know, but it's comforting to know that I am not alone.... xxx

Hi sharron
and Mrs Blue Eyes (not suprised to see you here).

Well I once made my mum a card for her birthday and her sarcastic remark was "Can't you afford to buy a card"? So I made her one for tomorrow. It's very plain, no slushy words, but with the tulips it's all she is getting.

Tracey,

I don't think cutting the ties is too drastic. I think it is the right course of action. Many years ago when things were still really bad with my Mum I did exactly the same. I cut myself off completely, once for about 2 years. I decided the only way to stop her from doing these things and getting away with it was to take control back from her. It was very empowering. Now I get along with my Mother in small doses, as she knows that I will not tolerate that sort of behaviour. Be proud that you have made a stand and that you are showing your sister that you are strong and in control.

Much love Lainey x

I read this thread with my breath held as it answered many questions that I needed to have answers to. It seems that I too have been living with a narcistic person, however, not my Mum, but my younger sister. I have always thought that she suffers from ‘sibling-rivalry’ (even though she is in her 40s now) but after reading several sites, I now realise that my sister displays typical sibling narcistic tendancies. Over the past year, things have come to a head, the final straw came at Christmas when she organised a family ‘get-together’ weekend where she cooked turkey and trimmings. Mum and our 2 sisters (plus their families too) were invited, my family and I were not. I was not aware that my sister had organised such a weekend until Mum went back to her home. I was upset when I realised what my sister had done and spoke to Mum. She informed me that she was told I didn’t want to go...... So I have decided to cut ties with my sister. Some may think that to be a little drastic, however, I have endured countless verbal attacks, I’m fed up with the lies and deceit and of being in an abusive relationship where I am not allowed to defend myself. Thank goodness for this thread, I don’t feel as if it’s all my fault anymore.
Tracey x

Sitting here with tears in my eyes ...

My mother was narcisstic, didn't discover that until recently.

She vanished when I was a little girl, it still hurts now and she did it to so many.

May I say that I think each and every one of you is special.

Lucky Lainey, I am so sorry ((((((((((((hug))))))))))))), truly I am. xxx

I too grew up with a narcistic mother. I have read this article in the past and agree with everything in it because it describes everything that happened to me.
When I was 21 years old I was raped by a family friend. When I told my mother her 1st words to me were: "Well of course you know I had an affair with him" It broke my heart! I will never forgive her, but now thanks to this article, this thread and a previous thread, I now understand and I know it was not my fault. For that I am grateful!

Lainey x

i have only just seen this thread
havent looked at the site

but i can tell you my mother in law was like that,
she told hubby from a young age, (he was one of 6)
that she hated him
she hit him over head with a telephone book once as he drank cuppa tea
she told him over phone back bout 5 year ago she didnt want anything to do with him,
she told me she didnt care when he was unwell with stress
that was the odd times we got in touch
i never saw her much but just picking up from what i saw she was cruel,

when he got the call she was dieing
he went straight there to see her, with our soninlaw,
he walked in the room just before she died,
as tho she waited for him,
he was with her as she did,
she was unconsious and couldnt say a thing to him,

hubby was in a childrens home on his 2nd birthday till he was 8, then for a short period at 10 year old at 16 he joined the army

she should of been so proud of him,

Looks like we are rallying.

Omg its her birthday and Mothers day too !
I searched high and low for the perfect card, no slushy words, no shallow rhymes no rude jokes.
and there it was, a picture of a little girl picking her nose !
Oh how I enjoyed sending that one !
I'm beginning to get a perverse pleasure from getting my own back !

Sharron I feel the same way when people say how they miss their fathers, I think to myself how lucky they were to have a dad they can miss, mine is still alive and although I don't hate him he wasn't a "dad" to me in anything other than name.

I have just been looking at the thread which invites you to leave a message for your mother for mother's day.

Well,I would put my message,which would be most unsuitable,on there.

I do love Mothering Sunday as it reminds me that mine is no longer making my life as miserable as she possibly can.

What you never had you never miss and I feel that I never had a mother in anything but the biological sense.

I have no guilt nor sense of wickedness in writing this as I feel I was on the receiving end of far more wickedness,as are all the children living with narcissistic parents today,than any of us could ever express.

I thought I would just resurrect this for anybody who might be having difficulties coming up to Mothering Sunday.

Sometimes you can feel bad about only going through the motions.

Wishing all survivors and victims of narcissism a peaceful Christmas and all narcissists a really bad dose of diarrhoea.That will really concentrate their thoughts upon themselves!Tee-hee.

The Golden Child is now trying to make my life a misery.

I am stronger now and am trying very hard to not let it get to me, to a degree it does as they are so adept at what they do. Because I am stronger and will not back down I am the bad one once again.

Sometimes I am sure they are devoid of conscience, devoid of heart. So self riotous, they tend to make you feel you are wrong, even though you know you are not and you are not a bad person. They also bring others into it and as they also feel bullied and others say nothing this is taken as assent, agreement, that they are with the Golden Child. When in fact they are just scared and intimidated as well.

Now that feel better.

Gail

Nudged for Mr Tealy.

Nudging for irish girl

Exactly.Your parents are the people who show the world to you and indicate your place in it.