General Chat

Sorry Taff, its so unforgivable of them, i admire you to for standing back, couldn't have done it myself would have removed the lot and returned them, then i would have said ask first and let them know your grandson and you will sort out what he wants, after all its your parents grave, not for getting its your daughters to,you own the plot and have the last say.

they have not shown any respect for you at all, they certainly do not deserve any from you, the other grandmother should have had more compassion for you .


xxx Joan G

Also, my daughter has another son(2years), so what if in time he wanted to add his little bit as well, where would it end??

Sue, I am doing my very best to keep mine at the moment!!

BM, my thoughts exactly, if "they" want some type of memorial to my daughter, put it in their own back yard!! as my parents are also buried in the plot, poeple who they never Knew!!

My first reaction was to think that whoever is in charge of the land may have something to say, if the decorations are thought to be too over the top.......there are restrictions for the churchyard where my parents lay.....

I can understand your distress Taff.......but I know my Grandson wanted to put a coloured windmill on my parents plot.....he was born 4 months after Mum died, but he and my Dad were such good pals, that we let him go ahead......and would deal with any problem if it arose.... sometimes time and wind takes care of any loose decorations......if you get my drift....

.....and Blue Moon's idea of a special place in his own garden to place his decorations is so sensible, and would be a splendid compromise......

xxxxx's Taff....

Taff,

Sorry love I can't offer any advice cos I would have lost my temper :-((

You must have the plot 'dressed' as you want it in my opinion.

Love Sue xx

Could you speak with your Grandson and with him choose a small item to leave at the grave,
the rest could be put in his garden at home so he could look after it himself ,you could maybe go with him to get a few small plants for his remembrance garden.

Got it

Most council bosses want to turn the graveyards into a lawned cemetery and are BANNING relatives from putting Decorations on the graves

Barrie

Sorry to read of your upset. Reading this made a mixed emotion. Firstly anger and awe at this 20+ person who should have had a quiet word with you if she knew of your grandson's wishes............or, were they his wishes. The other grandma should be more compassionate to your feelings too and I am amazed that she can't compromise.
Sad, that your feelings weren't taken into consideration at such an early time from your loss,
Do you have a deep close relationship with your grandson ? If so, I would speak with him and suggest a compromise for you both - and no one else. Plan something together explaining the rules of the cemetery.
Sincere wishes, Joan

Taff if you stil need help let me know

Barrie

Thanks Barrie, but I will be on the phone to the cemetatry myself 1st thing in the morning!
Tin Fields, I,me doing my very best to keep cool!

Taff have tired talking to a banned member whos does work in grave yards

If you still have him on MSN ask him he is up to date on stuff like this

Barrie

Hi Taff,

I nearly fell of my chair reading this. As you own the plot, your grandson's cousin should get permission from yourself to lay anything at all, out of sheer respect if nothing else. I would remove whatever it is you wish. You have every right to be protective. I take my hat off to you for walking away and taking time to think. Have to admit I am not so gracious and would have hit the roof.

Taff if you like i can check out the Law from some mate of mine this week as he runs graveyards


Barrie

Elvie, my OH and I are divoreced, I paid for the funeral myself! I am still saving for a headstone, as there is no one else willing to contribute also my daughter died only 20 months ago.

No, Maggie, its my plot, and i will own up to having it removed, They didnt consider me when placing it there, but many thanks for input anyway!

I would not be happy either Taff.

As others have said, it may contravene what is permitted.
You could always phone the cemetery department anonymously and complain about it. Then if it's removed you can say it's nothing to do with you!!

maggie

Hi Taff if you google the area where you live it will come across something like this , This seems to be all over the uk now Good Luck

Barrie

Are graveside decorations allowed?
Graves are intended to have a memorial at the head only. To allow them to be neatly mown, obstructions should not be placed on the grass area.

Kerb edging, fences, windmills, toys, pot plants, bedding plants, shrubs and trees on grass areas impede mowing operations and lead to the grave becoming overgrown and unkempt.

Flowers: Many old plastic flowers lie scattered about graves within cemeteries. Not only do these look unkempt and neglected, they also pose serious problems if they get caught inside the cutters of mowing machines. Please avoid plastics at all times.

Plastic Windmills: These ornaments are increasingly appearing on graves. They often make noises which disturb funeral services at nearby graves and they break into dangerous fragments if struck by nylon strimming cord. In strong winds, they are blown over lawns. These items should not be placed on graves

Lyndi, I own the plot, as yet i havent spoken to the cemetary groundsmen.

Hi Taff, Is there any chance that the decorations are contravening cemetery bi-laws. They would be here in Gloucester. If so, the cemetery officials will remove it themselves.

Otherwise, as suggested, leave it a while then remove the fencing, it probably helped your Grandson to do this in memory of his mother and while we adults might consider it tacky it probably looks pretty to him. It would have been polite though for the cousin to approach you and mention it and she should be told this, in my opinion,however well meaning she is. it is after all your parent's grave as well.


Edit: I obviously type more slowly than other people!!
Ann
Glos