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GOD v SATAN

ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Running Bear

Running Bear Report 21 Jul 2008 09:50

> In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and
> spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and
> Woman would live long and healthy lives.
>
> Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and
> Magnums. And Satan said "You want hot fudge with that?" and Man said "Yes"
> and Woman said "I'll have one too, with chocolate chips". And Lo, they
> gained 10 pounds.
>
> And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that
> Man found so fair.
>
> And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane
> and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 18.
>
> So God said "Try my fresh green salad". And Satan presented Blue Cheese
> dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened
> their belts following the repast.
>
> God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to
> cook them".
>
> And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter dipped
> lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter,
> and Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
>
> God presented the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium
> and good nutrition.
>
> Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into
> chips and deep fried them in animal fats, adding copious quantities of
> salt. And Man and Woman put on more pounds.
>
> God then brought forth running shoes, so that his Children might lose those
> extra pounds.
>
> And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not
> have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried
> before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
>
> Then God gave lean beef so that Man night consume fewer calories and still
> satisfy his appetite.
>
> And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan
> cried "You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes, and super size
> 'em!". And Satan said "It is good" and man and Woman went into cardiac
> arrest.
>
> God sighed....... And created quadruple bypass surgery.
>
> And then........ Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.
>
> The final word on nutrition - After exhaustive research, here's the final
> word:-
>
> 1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
> 2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
> 3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
> than us.
> 4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart
> attacks than us.
> 5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer
> heart attacks than us.
> 6. French eat foie gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer
> fewer heart attacks than us.
>
> Conclusion:
> Eat and drink what you like............
> Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Jenxx

Jenxx Report 21 Jul 2008 10:01

pmsl

.•:*:•. Devishly Angelic Juliecat & Panda..•:*:•.

.•:*:•. Devishly Angelic Juliecat & Panda..•:*:•. Report 21 Jul 2008 10:04

lmao :-)

angie

angie Report 21 Jul 2008 10:26

pmsl

Stephanie

Stephanie Report 21 Jul 2008 12:11

Absolutely great!!! pmsl.

Bev

Bev Report 21 Jul 2008 16:34

omg

that is soooooo funny

pmsl

Bev

Running Bear

Running Bear Report 21 Jul 2008 18:42

Pleased you all like it, i did.

Cumbrian Caz~**~

Cumbrian Caz~**~ Report 21 Jul 2008 18:48

Love it,

Caz xx

Amanda2003

Amanda2003 Report 21 Jul 2008 20:55

That is SO funny...........lololololol

~~~Secret Red ^^ Squirrel~~~  **007 1/2**

~~~Secret Red ^^ Squirrel~~~ **007 1/2** Report 21 Jul 2008 21:35

:-) It must be in our genes.....if we could fit into them lol