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SIX AFFAIRS!!!!!!

ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

AnnCardiff

AnnCardiff Report 3 Aug 2008 23:00


> >
> >The 1st Affair:
> >
> >A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
> >
> >One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they
> >fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM ..
> >
> >The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and
>
> >rub them in the grass and dirt.
> >
> >He put on his shoes and drove home.
> >
> >"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
> >
> >"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary
> We
> > had sex all afternoon."
> >
> >"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
> >The 2nd Affair:
> >
> >A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
> >having a son.
> >
> >They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
> >
> >The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
> >
> >The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
> >
> >He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
> >
> >He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look
> at
> >the two beautiful daughters I fath ered! Have you been fooling around
> behind
> >my back?"
> >
> >The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
> >
> >
> >The 3rd Affair:
> >
> >A mortician was working late one night
> >
> >He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a
> >startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever
> seen!
> >
> >"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to
> be
> >cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for
> >posterity."
> >
> >So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
> >
> >"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said t o his wife,
> >opening his briefcas e.
> >
> >"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"
> >
> >
> >The 4th Affair:
> >
> >A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
> >front door.
> >
> >"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
> >
> >She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dust ed him with talcum powder.
> >
> >"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
> >
> >"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
> >
> >"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so
>
> >much I got one for us, too."
> >
> >No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
> >
> >Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
> >sandwich and a beer.
> >
> >"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days
> at
> >the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
> >
> >
> >The 5th Affair:
> >
> >A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
> >
> >"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
> >
> >"One Cent?" the man thought.
> >
> >He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a
> >bottle of wine?"
> >
> >"A nickel," the barman replied.
> >
> >"A nickel?" exclaimed the man "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
> >
> >The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
> >
> >The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
> >
> >The bartender replied,
> >
> >"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
> >
> >
> >The 6th Affair:
> >
> >Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
> >
> >He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
> >
> >"There's no need to," his wife replied.
> >
> >"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your
>
> >best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
> >
> >"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
> >
> >

maggiewinchester

maggiewinchester Report 3 Aug 2008 23:02

Brilliant Ann!!

Wild Cat

Wild Cat Report 3 Aug 2008 23:04

pmsl good one

Hayley   Empress of Drama

Hayley Empress of Drama Report 3 Aug 2008 23:05

Pmsl

ChrisofWessex

ChrisofWessex Report 3 Aug 2008 23:05

loved all of them

Muffyxx

Muffyxx Report 3 Aug 2008 23:07

LOLOLOL Brilliant !!! Number two was especially good !! xx

Lindy

Lindy Report 4 Aug 2008 10:55

Pmsl

Lindy

;))))))))))))))))

Deanna

Deanna Report 4 Aug 2008 11:00

All that proves Ann... is that they can lie about everything at the drop of a hat!! ;-0)

Deanna X

JaneyCanuck

JaneyCanuck Report 4 Aug 2008 11:05

You'd like this one, Ann.

http://www.thepracticalromantic.com/cards/waterhouse/circe.htm

AnnCardiff

AnnCardiff Report 4 Aug 2008 11:12

shall take a look!!!

JaneyCanuck

JaneyCanuck Report 4 Aug 2008 11:44

Did you get waylaid looking at naked ladies from 1922, Ann? ;)

AnnCardiff

AnnCardiff Report 4 Aug 2008 11:50

not yet I ain't but I will!!!!