General Chat

................................is there a difference?

Sue xx

It depends on what you want to say & how tactful you are about it.

Steve
:o)

" Blooming heck your as big as a beached whale" is rude

"you really need to lose weight " is honest and outspoken

lol

Yes, there is a difference. Honesty doesn't mean rudeness.

How something is received depends a lot on how you communicate it, your body language, manner and the words you use. Also whether the recipient really listens to you or whether they assume what you mean rather than listen to what you say.

Well, it would appear that some people can be rude and get away with it and then some people are just honest and are apparently in the wrong. So I'm feeling a little confused at the moment.

Sue xx

That sounds about right, Lynda.

Sue xx

For example....

Honest: After careful consideration and a lot of thought, I have reason to believe that you are, in fact, a nasty piece of work.

Outspoken: I don't give a **** if I am banned but I think, and so do most of my friends, that you are a nasty piece of work.

Rude: You are a nasty piece of work, a low ***mbag, a ***t and an *****ole,and so was your mother and probably your grandmother..

Actually that's honest, outspoken and rather rude of you BC - but I like it:-))

Sue xx

Again, its all about how you put it.......

You are a fat lazy slob.......................rude, the person will feel this is a personal attack.

You really need to lose weight.........outspoken, the person may feel told off and criticised.

Your health would improve if you could manage to lose a bit of weight........... ........................................honest and the person can see a benefit without feeling criticised.

By the way I do need to lose some weight!!

I DO hope you realise that I was not referring to your good self, Sue? It was merely hypothetical:-))) lol BXX

So do I Ann - need to lose weight that is:-))

BC I didn't think for one minute you were referring to me lol

I'm off to bed and I expect - no demand - that I be enlightened in the morning:-))

Sue xx

I love B.C.'s examples... :-))))

I tend to be honest and sometimes outspoken in the real world but never rude... On the internet I tend to hold back a lot as people could quite easily take what I say as rude. Not being able to see body language makes it difficult to put across how you mean things to sound. xx

Love BC's examples even if tongue in cheek. However Posh is right something said in real life may be taken as being honest while on here minus body language it is either blunt or rude.

And I dislike intensely when somebody prefaces something with 'I say it like it is' Or, 'I speak my mind' then proceed to be blunt or rude.

If someone has asked for your opinion Lynda that is different and saying it kindly like it is is no problem.

Some people like to say it like it is when it verges on rudeness (and I am not getting at anyone in particular, or even particularly talking about on GR), that is when it can be unkind or unpleasant.

Strangely, I don't like confrontation and tend to pussy foot around a bit, however, when at work one of my reports had that I was too brusque with my junior colleague which she found upsetting, I had not realised I was like it, just thought I was putting her right about things!

I think there is a point in 'dressing up' the truth as you put it at times Lynda, to get your point over in a way that is respectful of people's feelings. People respond to that in a better way.

Also, before you open your mouth, you have to ask yourself at the start what you want the result to be. When I worked I found it far better to discuss what a staff member had difficulty with in their job and help them find better ways to do it far more effective than just telling them they were slow or not as good as the others!!

To answer the original question, sometimes no. People can be honest & still get their point of cross with tact which in my opinion is less hurtful and often is more effective. However, sometimes people are rude using the excuse that they are being honest/outspoken.

Wife to Husband, " Does my Bum look big in this?" husband to Wife," No dear it looks just as big as it usually does" Question, Is that a complement? or grounds for divorce?.**M**.pmsl.

Merlin - that was a thread killer if ever there was one:-))

Thanks for all your replies. I think body language is a big thing. I have done courses on communication (with ill patients) and a lot of time is devoted to body language.

I think honesty can be put across with tact providing it's not sugar coated so much that the other person misses the point.

I have read rudeness on here that can't be taken as anything else - it verges on nastiness and has nothing to do with lack of body language. The message comes through loud and clear.

Sue xx