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> This is an actual letter from an Austin, Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. This was PC Magazine's 2007 Editors' Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail.
>
> Dear Mr. Thatcher,
>
> I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
> and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
> Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
> or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
> the beach in tight, white shorts.
>
> But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
> Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it
> is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure
> I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
>
> Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you
> haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now.
> As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging
> through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and
> I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred
> hillbilly with knife skills.'
>
> Isn't the human body amazing?
>
> As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
> seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
> customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
> about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
> intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
> surely realize it's a tough time for most women.
>
> The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
> crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to
> the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping
> so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
> opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
> were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
>
> Are you frigging kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
> middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
> happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
> mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
> FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be
> anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
> Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
> march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
> sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
>
> For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a
> moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
> something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
> 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.
>
> Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
> immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
> chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
> certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
> brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that's a promise I will keep.
>
> Always. . ..
>
> Wendi Aarons
> Austin , TX
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Love it!
Don't use them any more, but when I did a few years ago, I noticed the appearance of those 'moronic messages' for real, and I must admit, I had similar thoughts to whoever wrote that.
Brilliant!
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me neither - but I can sure see where she's coming from!!
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Well done that woman !!!
For the record I really love the thought of seeing *put down the hammer* rather than *have a happy period* printed on the wrapper .......far more real LOLOLOLOL xx
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Brilliant!!
The printing that always flummux's me is "Recycled", do they really wash old ones.
And, "In the event of any complaints,contact the customer services dept".
What are we meant to do, send the offending article back in an envelope??
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Lol...love it! Certainly brightened up my lunch break reading this :)
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So glad the days of needing these are well in the past.
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