General Chat

Oh Uzzi you are one in a million - I wonder if I could cope if it were me - probably not. Lots of sound advice from your friends on here - and one thing we all admire and respect you for what you are doing.

Hope today will be a little easier after all mom will soon, hopefully, settle in her new surroundings.

You take care of yourself, your wonderful OH and your dogs.

Thinking of you all

Love Mary

UZZ YOU ARE ONE FANTASTIC LADY
LOVE TO YOU XXX

Deep Breath. Its not mum its the dementia.

Another deep breath.

And another.

Explain what is happening, and be prepared to ride out some storms.

If she cant think things out, then re-learn on a daily basis. Get routines in place.

At the moment she will be all over the place, she needs routine and structure to feel secure. UP Dressed and breakfast, then she has an hour (say) before you take her perhaps for a walk/push. Be consistent and firm ( but fair) ''No I AM going to do this, then we'll do that''

I must admit I do tend to think of my mum like a 3 year old...but then again, that strategy does seem to work.
Thinking of you, its hard, bloody hard, but you'll get there.

Uzzi, I am in awe and admiration of you,having had one of my parents
die with dementia,my MIL also,but both were in high-care nursing homes,fortunately for us. Now My Mum is going the same way as my Dad,but she's nothing like your Mum and is in a low-care nursing home. (I visit her once a week.)

I can not really add anything further to the excellent advice you have had from everyone on here,you know that you can use this thread to
share your thoughts and feelings on what's happening to you,to help you cope.We are all here for you.Don't forget that Plan B,you may need it if things get too much for you.Your Mum,even with her dementia,sounds very manipulative.You will have to be very strong to withstand the sense of guilt that she will try to make you feel when she wants to get her own way-like an egocentric 3 year old with no sense of conscience-.She was probably like that anyway,but now her illness has exacerbated it.Good luck!!


Best wishes,and many hugs,

Margot :-D :-D <3 <3

Uzzi, I am sad that the first few hours of your new venture have been so difficult, I suppose now you can see why the home had your Mum on knockout drops, Despite the way your Mother is behaving, there must be some sort of confusion in her head as well and some of her behaviour as always is defensive - attack before someone else does, and she has had plenty of practice already.

Try to stay as calm as possible, get yourself some earplugs to lower the din and some for your o.h. too bless him, and plod on. If your Mother throws things and destroys stuff, pack anything away again that you can,for a while, so the bare minimum is about as ammunition. Be very careful you don't take your ring off and leave it anywhere or the magpie mother will probably take it. It shows how unreasonable she is from her demands that you give it to her, but then she isn't reasonable anyway so keep telling yourself she isn't thinking like an ordinary person.

I hope the dogs will get used to the new person around as well as the new house and space.

Just take one day at a time and let's hope things become a little easier day by day. Have been thinking about you and will continue to send positive thoughts that you can stay on top of the situation.

love and hugs

Lizxx

Uzzi...l just want to say to you..."you are amazing and l send all the luck in the world".
The way you write is brilliant, you should write a book. Since going to bed l have tossed and turned thinking about you (and another person connected to gr) and your mum. l have great admiration for you. Take care

jude xx

((((hugs))))
<3 <3 <3

Wend major xxxxxxxxx to you, I will work it out but plan B is looking very good lol

Just a big (((hug))) for you Uzzi <3

Believe me, I've seen this lady in action and Uzzi has sure got her work cut out :-(

Rose I know you take interest in my posts and I know you only add when you feel it is right.(on posts like these) so thank you. for both your post and your luck oh and for bothering to post. I will get there ..trust me I am a publican ! mmm ex one.

I have 2 choices here ---sink or swim >>>>>>>>>>heads of to the jacuzzi

I've been reading Uzzi, but can't say much, I do agree with Ann's comment that you need a plan B. Please take this the way it's meant, you have already 'lost' your mother, don't lose yourself too. If it comes to the point where you feel you can't do it, then please, for your own sake, don't feel guilty or carry on until you run yourself into the ground.

I really do wish you the very best of luck. xx

just a little thing that went on today ..my wedding ring is actually a diamond eternity ring and the only 1 I wear all the time. Mum decided it was pretty and I ought to give it to her. I explained what it was and she said so what if I loved her I would give it to her. when I refused I was abused. nightmare on Calle Afrodita.

I still wasn´t forgiven for that when she went to bed

to Jude Annx and my glossy friend thanks, a reply to a rambling blog type post is enough to make me grin.

Annx I have a plan B but I need to tweak a few loose ends as I don´t fancy a Spanish jail ;-)

AnninGlos if things don´t improve then can you please do a whip round me for a Kittycook cake :-D One of the things that made me laff today was Mum saying that she would look after me when I am her age, BLESS I guess she is trying to make up for my childhood. ! but that was only if I look after her now and we can go to the beach each day and I spend all the time she is awake telling her I love her.
:-P they don´t have a puke emoticon on here.

and now I will finish the washing that I couldn´t do earlier and clean up the porch that she wrecked. <3

Hello Uzzi...sorry l was just thinking "Oh my word", bless you. But listen to Annx and have a plan B...this is not going to be easy, your mum has alzheimer's and she wont get better, maybe the medication can hold things back abit. But you must think of yourself and your lovely husband and your mum.
l have missed alot as to how/why you have your mum at home now.

A friend of mine aged 61yrs old this Aug has been in a home for 2 and half yrs now and it was the best thing for her, she's as happy as she can be, eats well and is looked after well, in fact her daughter is a carer at the same home! If you're not careful you will be hospitalised too....if you really feel you must keep trying then make sure you have respite and a day centre where your mum can go once a week atleast.

Take great care x

jude xx

Uzzi lots of <3 <3 <3 <3 and here's hoping things improve. Xx

Uzzi, I have been watching your thread with interest and frankly, admiration. I know I could not do what you are doing without needing 'care' myself after a short while. I know it is early days and that hopefully things will improve, but please take care of yourself, you need to be strong......and start working on a plan B in case things don't work out. Just having one will help you to cope. <3

Oh my word........ :-( :-0

A complete and proper update,
Mother was collected on Sunday at 10.15 am, it took until 12.30 to pack her things, discover there was nobody there to return her passport etc and get enough meds for the next day. Once at home we collected little Mini dog (having taken Minx with us) and took Mum out to lunch.
All well at the homestead, apart from her calling the owner of the bar we took her to a bit*h. Anyway we got back home with time for OH to unload the car and grab a shower to go to work.
Mum had a quick power nap, I discovered that Mini had thrown a tantrum for being left alone and had a little poo in the middle of my bed. !!! Bedding stripped and washed trying to hang it out Mum is
where are you going
to hang the washing out
what washing
my bedding
well leave it it doesn´t matter
Words here failed me.
I then wheeled her down to unpack all her multitude of bags. Mum decided she was bored of sitting in the room with me, so I could just leave it and do it later. NO WAY JOSE. We had tears and tantrums so I asked what she wanted to do instead ..go to the beach she said. Deep breath time. I fed her and the carers came in to put her to bed (thats the nice version) and I was so knackered myself that I gave up and went to bed.
6.45a.m. Monday I´m awake so I will get up shower and its me time for at least an hour before Minx joins me. Not so this morning. 7.15am somebody is screaming the house down so I tippy toed in there and shusshed as it was early and OH had only been in bed for 3hrs. ..Nah she didn´t shush and has found every way of using it as a complaint all day today.
I can´t even begin to explain today because OH had to work a full day, I can´t go far and I can´t push a wheelchair and take my 2 nutty dogs out. The day has been an absolute nightmare. I thought I had imagined the worse but I have discovered I didn´t come close. If I have moved out of her site she has screamed the place down ,,,,somebody help me fetch the police.... I heard her from the next street whilst I was walking mutts. I did eventually give in to her and actually sat down with her, but even that wasn´t good enough I wasn´t taking her out.
My poor little Minxy is hiding under the bed all the time and really doesn´t know what is going on. She is due a fit, time wise, but can´t take this in her stride as she was still unsure of what to do from the move.
I was on the phone (in sight of Mum) and she created up because I wasn´t talking to her. An hour after the carer left and she had gone to bed, she has been screeching. Now she is asleep.

My thoughts on all of this.
*which suitcase do I pack and who will take me in*
seriously tho´ I did know it wasn´t going to be easy but I didn´t expect with in the 1st day the abuse or the work she has given me. Now the work is fine as I look at the next few months as my fitness regime ....get me this ...get me that...take me here etc. The abuse to some extent I will tolerate, but I can not me told that she hates me and then be told if I take her out and spend the next hour or so telling her how much she is loved ..then she may like me. I declined so she called me a hard nasty person.
We need a settling in period where both of us need some leeway, unfortunately that will only work one way, and if I give her leeway now she will take it for granted.
In my mind I will give her leeway for awhile, I always intended on doing. Mind I can´t believe the hurts she has tried to come out with .....even using my Dad ..... and I don´t know how much of that I can take before she settles down.

That´s just the mental side of things, the reality of getting her meds is a nightmare because she won´t allow me out of her sight and she doesn´t want to sit wher my PC is, So trying to organise things is fits and starts.

So this is the end of the second day with her, To those who said don´t do it ..I would like to say you were right BUT it´s a learning curve and one I wouldn´t have taken if life hadn´t dumped it on my lap..so hey ho it did and now I just have to learn how to cope.
As I said new fitness regime here I come and I have no water left in me to retain :-D

Uzzi...just doing a catch up on you and your mum situation.. That link your OH sent you is so sweet, bless him, he sounds lovely:)

As everyone has been saying just take one day one situation at a time and take care of your self:)

jude xx

Good luck, I hope your mum settles down quickly