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The British Newspaper Archive

British Newspaper Archive

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Something to smile about................

ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

 Sue In Yorkshire.

Sue In Yorkshire. Report 16 Jul 2013 22:43

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 16 Jul 2013 22:15

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming,
romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic.
'You impotent b__tard,' She screamed at him, 'How could you be lying to me all of these years?
You better explain yourself!'
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

'I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids.'

ShelleyRose

ShelleyRose Report 16 Jul 2013 18:06

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 16 Jul 2013 10:15




A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.

He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.

So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto :
'To Fly. To Serve'?
The woman looks at him blankly.

He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto:
'Winning the hearts of the world'?
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto:
'Going beyond expectations'?
The woman looks at him sternly and says:
'What the **** do you want?'

'Aha!' he says,

"Ryanair".

AnnCardiff

AnnCardiff Report 16 Jul 2013 08:10

:-D :-D :-D :-D

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 15 Jul 2013 23:15

Another instance,in a Psychiatric hospital they were running interviews for new interns, and they were describing some of the questions meant for the patients to test whether they had improved mentally,during their stay.
and they showed a bath full of water, and nearby was a table upon which was a spoon, a jug and a bucket.
and they said that the question was.........How would YOU empty the bath in the easiest fashion?

well, up spoke one guy and he said well the spoon and the jug would be quite slow so I reckon that the bucket would be best........

You sure about that? said the interviewer,......
only the correct answer, would be...........I'd pull put the bathplug!

Would you like a bed with a window view?

MR_MAGOO

MR_MAGOO Report 15 Jul 2013 23:11

:-D :-D :-D :-D

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 15 Jul 2013 23:03

Another patient was barely awake and the nurse was in attendance and as he was piped up and plumbed in, as it were,! and through his oxygen mask he asked the nurse, Are my testicles black?
the nurse was tooken a back a bit and said Pardon? are my testicles black?, he said again........so she gingerly raised the sheets and had a look and said no, they look ok to me, again he said ARE MY TESTICLES black?
she looked again and said No, Im sure they are normal,
this time he lifted the mask and said Nurse,ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK!!?

maggiewinchester

maggiewinchester Report 15 Jul 2013 21:38

:-D

MR_MAGOO

MR_MAGOO Report 15 Jul 2013 21:36

.................
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'Oops!'