General Chat

Yes we have met with her parents and the mother of the bride asked me to make the bridesmaid dresses I said no as I dont want to put myself under that pressure and the material is difficult to work with but this wasnt accepted very well and she muttered any old excuse! woops 1st mistake .....My work dictates I,m away from home from feb through to april each year as the company the parents work for moves to USA each year at this time so I child/house sit! I didnt feel I could fit them in and do good enough dress making for my sons wedding


Yes I tried to do "save the date cards" last weekend that resulted in nothing!

Will step back and wait and see

Just one extra thought - have you had a chance to meet the Bride's parents yet? If the mother is making all the arrangements, it would give her a chance to tell you, and hopefully keep you in the loop.

Although you don't really need to discuss it with your son, airing the idea with him would be a good idea.

Our son is getting married in July - they are doing most of the arranging, with financial contributions from both sets of parents. They sent out 'save the day' cards sometime last summer.

We met the brides parents for the first time in February - apart from both agreeing that we don't 'do' hats, I've no idea what she is wearing and haven't even started to look for an outfit for myself. The accent colour is Teal, so goodness knows what goes with that.

As parents of the Groom, we know our place...being supportive from the background. Luckily our son does keep us informed even if what he tells us it does mean some biting of tongues! It's their day after all.

I do hope that you can get things sorted out Kemp - from a financial aspect, try to work out what you can afford to give them and when, telling them so that they can plan accordingly.

From a guest list point of view, I'd draw up a minimal list of 'must invites' from your side of the family such as grandparents or your siblings, together with 'if there is space' names of people you would like to attend - nephews/nieces/one or 2 of your close friends or cousins. You'll probably find that most guests are friends of the bride & groom. Bear in mind that many weddings have a no young children policy. Discuss your requests with your son (he might loathe Uncle Jim) then send it to the mother of the bride.

Everything does tend to grind to a halt after the initial burst of activity - cake ordered or at least some idea of what they want, venue booked, reception booked and dresses arranged. Things start to move again a few months before the event - firming up names, numbers and dietary requests, choosing flowers and then paying the balance of the bills.

Just chill out and go with the flow ;-)

Thank you Wisechild,There are no words I can say to mend your hurt and I,m gobsmackeds at the outcome for you :-(

weddings dont bring out the best in people does it! :-\

No Kemp, we didn´t go. She knew we wouldn´t be able to because we live abroad. That´s why I was so hurt when she actually said we weren´t invited, because she knew there would be no problem.
She promised to send photos. That was a year last September. Still waiting.
My advice would be, don´t rock the boat. Just wait & see what happens. I know it´s hard, but there´s no point in laying yourself open to being hurt any more. These things escalate out of hand before you have even opened your mouth.

Hayley Thats horrible and I do feel for you


Many Thanks for replys I will sit and wait and see what happens next .......the worry is that 6 months before the wedding is christmas and I,m not diverting my other childrens christmas money to one childs wedding :-D :-D.....which was my eldest sons only worry LOL PMSL.......

And Good Luck to others going through this situation aswel

It was a well devised plan to keep me and our family firmly away from the wedding it was obvious to everyone that she didnt want us there, even her Mother looked embarrassed at one point. ..............oh and the offical wedding photos :-D I got to see on facebook after her family had had their pick.

The bride has her dress brought on the internet ...it dont fit but she will make it ....my son said ...

My daughter is bridesmaid with 3 others and a pageboy her dress to will be internet

Good grief Hayley my other 3 kids are saying the same will happen to us ...

My son says they want all the main men in the same suits but that will be fun as the one they are looking at dont come in very thin, thin and fat and very tall.........Infact my other son went to the shop they have indicated they will use and they dont do my skinny sons size hes to skinny ... :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

The thing is kemp in my opinion you will be dammed if you do or dont say anything.

I have been through exactly the same thing when my own son got married, my 1st born my eldest child.
I was not involved in anything at all, I asked about the wedding plans I showed an interest. we did contrubte financially. One day my DIL turned up to take my daughter for her last fitting for her bridesmaid dress I asked if I could go and see the dresses I was no there is nothing to see. I respected that.
One night before the wedding all the brides talked endlessly about the details including the dresses so it wasnt that much of top secret.
The bride never once spoke to any of us on the day of the wedding. I kept my mouth shut because it was her day and I didnt want to offend my son I will never be able to explain how hurt I was that day, and now 4 years on I never seen or spoken to the bride or any of family.
I still kept quiet as I love my son with all my heart and never want to upset him but he must know how hurt I was I say was because I am so over it now. I still buy birthday and christmas presents for my DIL.


I do hope you family wedding has a much better happy ending Kemp I really do.

Well it appears the bride mother is footing the bill for the wedding meal.....it only needs 1 to organise the numbers,that way there will be no confusion in getting it right.

the only thing grooms mother needs do is -not turn up dressed like the brides mother,,,,, :-D.....remember the brides mother should be first to choose what colour she will be having.

Young people seem not to panic and take it all in their stride,,,its not about fancy places and posh frocks its a day to rally round and make the best for the couple,dont fight the situation as its not your day,you are just a guest, ;-).......

Thank you Island for your reply


Would just be nice in this ecconomic climet and the fact that its my son to know whats happening but I will bear this in mind when they ask me again for my money ..


Yes people it has been done and I guess my refusual to tell tham how much I will give them is not helpping but I did offer to pay for the "save the date cards and invites" but that was turned down it was followed by my girlfriend would rather know how much you can give us ....so I meeting and meal was set for friday just gone and my son and girl turned up dressed up went out and returned after midnite and then went home to her house saturday morning

I told my son I thought "save the date cards" went out one year before the date which is coming up so I said I will pay for them now then if you know what you want ( that was last weekend) hence the meeting for friday just gone

Which is the reason for me asking you peeps here

There's also another view.
When my daughters got married - I did absolutely nothing!
They (and their fiancé's) organised it all, in their own time. I had no money to give them - and they knew this. I know younger daughter's MiL made the cake (I don't bake) - which her fiancé decorated (A castle with lego men :-D )
They had co-ordinated bridesmaids outfits, but a mother of the bride, no dictat was given on what colour I wore. Brides father, in both cases paid for the booze - he offered, no-one asked.

Maybe they want to do it themselves, in their own time, and she's slightly concerned that you're pushing them :-(

It's still a long way off, relax......


Actually, If I'd done as I've suggested you do, and written (in this case) to the grooms parents, I'd have received an 'I don't know either' response :-D

Well I'm most awfully sorry Kemp but a) my internet keeps cutting out and b) I had to go out. Life happens!!!

In answer to your question - Because it is her wedding. Not yours. Not her mothers.
It sounds as if this young lady is being pulled in both directions.
I knew someone called the wedding off because of the demands of both mothers. The couple got married at a later dater.

Thank you all

Island you didnt reply

You may be right that the brides mother is doing it ..very possible

as for bridesmaids ect and grooms suits
They had been sorted then it all stopped and now not a word is being said

Kay??? this is a wedding package which says one of each and the bride and groom chose for everyone which seems odd to me!

Wisechild Thats horrible OMG ....did you go? heart breaking

Maggie I did think of doing that and may think about it some more before jumping


NOW the biggest issue is we are finding our own money situation difficult at the moment and keep saying we would like to know the plan so we can plan.......daughter at uni ....summer coming and she needs help with uni funds. Mine and my hubbies 50th this year would like to celebrate in some way and one son out of work at the mo he isnt bothered hes got savings! LOL he never was a worrier

I spoke to the venue and yes the meal is set and any alterations will need to be cleared with brides mother!!!! and booked for 80 people in day but we were told (lo9l) they had 60 to invite !!

Oh well I hope I can find out soon so I can save looking for outfit

Now divorced parents ...we are not! My sons father died 2 years ago and I,ve been told .....****** would love this by the bride ...I know my sons father 30 yaesr and he would be mortified to see where the reception is he would have wanted better which dont help my heart strings

Lissy is getting married in October and we didnt book anything til Feb invites still not gone out as still over 6 months away. Im putting on ivites about special diet so maybe they will do same as you dont know til numbers come in how many will need something different.

When we went to book church which is in popular area they didnt have many booked in for this year not sure if that is a national thing and more and more having ceremonies at the venues or just round here.

You have over a year to go so just sit back and relax for now a lot can happen in that time and they may come running to you later on asking for your input if not just turn up and enjoy the day whatever you think of her.

d x

At this stage its over a year to go,,,,,,,,,the grooms family do very little at this time,,,,,,the main things are booked,,,

wedding date and reception venue,,,


the bride will make most of the decisions,,,,,and as of yet hasnt decided what colour for any bridesmaids, and how many ,,,,bridemaids dont usually choose their own style of dress ,,,,,,,type of suits for ushers etc.,are they buying their own,if hiring then its the grooms privedge to pay the costs......

Its the groom place to assemle,the bestman.ushers and any pageboys.....

The bride and her family possibly have plans to stay in the hotel overnight,,,,,so think about one within distance,,,,,,,,,the the job of main or matron bridesmaid is to take charge of the others,so her place is with the bride,,

No good making waves at this early stage it wil cause bad feelings..you are predicting problems thats over a year away,,,,,,

all wedding venues if they are their worth, cater for veggis and will go out of their way for special diets,,,,its up to the couple to draw up a llst of everyone choice nearer the time and give it to the caterers..... good wedding venues usaully have a 3 choice menu for sit down wedding party meals.

I think all you can do is let your son know that you are willing to help if necessary (as Maggie says you could also write to her Mother). Say you will need to know the dress code if you feel that you don't. I think it used to be that the grooms family paid for taxis and flowers but I don't think the old ways hold any more. Often young couples seem to pay for themselves.

Our second Grandson is getting married in October. they didn't book anything until january this year and had no problem finding a venue. But it sounds as if your son and his fiancee have the venue.

I would suggest if there are no options given, and there usually are, for food intolerance or vegetarians etc then you will need to contact the hotel just before and point out what intolerances you have. Hotels are used to this and it would be very bad manners if alternatives were not offered by the bride's mother. And the hotel won't want anyone taken ill on their premises.

When my older daughter got married 18 months ago, she mentioned it to me in passing in a phone call & informed me that my OH & I were not invited because her father & his wife were going & she didn´t want an "atmosphere".
When I pointed out that we had been divorced for 20 years & were both re married, so as 2 intelligent adults, we weren´t likely to start a fight at her wedding, she screamed down the phone that I was selfish & it was her day, so she would invite who she liked.
We haven´t spoken since.

Playing Devil's advocate here - perhaps your son's fianceé has very little to do with the marriage arrangements!!
She's 'very close to her mummy', so perhaps mummy's arranging it all and telling her daughter 'not to bother herself' with the arrangements.

I know a young couple, the daughter's parents had divorced, mother had the money. She arranged everything - even to NOT inviting any of her daughter's father's family to the wedding, excluding a lot of the grooms family and inviting her (the mothers) FRIENDS.
The girl was very upset. I suggested she and the groom cut their losses and got married quietly. The girl, however went ahead with the charade.

Kemp, I'm not saying this is what is happening to your son's fiancée, but it may be worth while writing a chatty letter to her parents, not offering money, just asking if there's anything you can do.

Island ...............Why?


Popping out to get milk ........will check back in 15

Thank you

Merlin ......my other 3 are saying the same

Yes my son has a brain ......stuffed with love I guess coz this isnt him

We have food intollerance in our family and I cant eat OIL but its roast dinner for reception I know that coz I asked the venue......not even a veggie option