General Chat

Programme that was on a couple of nights ago 24 Hours in Police Custody. This weeks episode was on domestic violence. A bloke drank 14 pints and then held a kitchen knife to his wife's throat and threatened to kill her if she ever had an affair but it was all in jest :-( hilarious isn't it :-(

Yet the women often stay because "he loves me and he only acts this way when he's drunk" :-(

Like most women it was shown at the end that she stayed :-(

and yet advertising for alcohol is allowed everywhere - abuse of alcohol costs this country millions - smokers are vilified constantly, but smokers don't abuse people after smoking a pack and they don't cause mayhem in A & E

I take your point Ann, but to me the crux of it is not really about how someone behaves when they're drunk (or sober, because the abuse can just as easily come without drink) but the lack of self respect that allows women ( and men ) to stay with an abusive partner and keep making excuses for them eg "It's my fault because...I annoyed him, his dinner wasn't ready, I forgot to buy the beer, I talked when he was watching TV " etc etc.

If someone hit me or threatened me with a knife, drunk or sober, they wouldn't get a second chance! and I am not a self confident person, I just know I am worth more than that.

A bloke (Bob) I was going out with 12 years ago was jealous of my friends. I had been working with them for up to 12 hours a day 10 days on the trot two days off then the cycle started again. I had been been doing this for 2 years they were more like family than some of my blood relations. I had been seeing Bob for 3 months when he got a job in the same place.

We were out with our work mates one night in the pub and everything was fine. I left early as my granddad was up and was supposed to be watching my younger siblings and me whilst my parents were away. Bob got into an argument with one of the managers and it ended up in fisticuffs. Both men were young (under 25) and drunk so they both put it behind them the next day as lads letting their mouths run away with them.

A few days later we were out with our work mates again and again I left early. He and girls I worked with had words as he tried to warn them to back off. He was 6ft 4" and 18 stone and decided to punch one of them. The girl he picked was 5 ft 1" and 8 stone but was the only one of group who knew how to block a punch which she did and he was removed from the premises by the landlord. After that not only did they tell me about it but they refused to leave him alone with me. After four months the relationship was over I wasn't sticking around to find out how long it would take for him to lay a hand on me. It was in my mind a case of when not if.

I must admit I get sick of 'drink' being trotted out as being responsible for such bad behaviour. We are all responsible for our own behaviour and if they know drink causes them to behave like this, then they shouldn't drink!!

Women do stick with these men and use the excuse it only happens when they drink, but I suspect, if the surface is scratched, there can be other controlling behaviour that women with little self esteem don't even recognise as such and think it means someone cares about them, is protective etc.

Actually leaving takes a lot of courage. Many women have little or no money of their own, no close relatives or friends to offer them somewhere to go and, frequently, young children to consider.

Staying is sometimes the easier option.

Until you have been in this situation, you have no idea what it is like.

<3 Andysmum

I was a young bride, brought up in a loving home, in a small friendly village, never experienced abuse of any kind.

I truly thought it was my fault he drank so much ... I was not a good wife... was embarrassed to talk about it... claimed I was clumsy. He always said he would take our daughter if I tried to leave him.

He could do anything he wanted to me... BUT that last night when he came home & endangered our baby daughter I waited until he passed out then ran. (Raincoat over nightdress, toddler wrapped in a blanket)

That was over 40yrs ago. I had good neighbours & that loving family to protect me, many are not as lucky.

Sober he was a good man, drunk he was a beast.