General Chat

Jean, David, calls himself security came in last night, had us all sprayed with some noxious smelling disinfectant, that has made us all turn green, except for the elf who remains beautiful. We might have to shut up the brothel for a few hours, Can you speak to the lazy bugger get her up and about, can't believe the weight she has put on, she looks more like a lazy cow.

Hi Manda, I wish I could send you the elf. He just refuses to leave. Something must have scared him very badly. Mr Clooney and I are finding him very distracting. I'll tell Mr Depp to report to you after he's completed his audition. Gwynne

Tell Mr Depp to reprt for his audition tomorrow. My Clooney doing well so far. Can't someone come and get this wailing elf?????????? SECURITY where are you? Gwynne

Just having a quick lunch break. Thank you, Jenny. Christopher is himself plus doing something with Pole I think. He was also a senior lecturer at Bournemouth University up to a couple of years ago, teaching tourism, so he could help with touristy things. I was going to do things with computers and be a DIVVY but think while I was being so upset other people took them on? So I could be "thorn in the side of the abuse administrators" because I won't give up my fight for what is right! okay?! Joy

Jenny - please may my better half and I come back? (Revd Christopher Dean and Kentish Maid)? Joy

Hi Anne, I'm afraid you have the imposter - the elf under the bed has the correct tattoo, in the right place. Does yours have a tattoo? And where? He is also able to quote extensively (and at great length.........) from the elvish songs from Lord of the Rings. I know they are the right songs as I have the book here with me. (And I've read it far more times than is normal for one lifetime.) I really hope Brian gets here soon. His wails are giving me a headache. Gwynne

Gwynne I wonder who that elf is, must be some imposter, the real elf is here brushing his hair and generally preening himself, he has an appointment with Jean or Marion depending on how energetic he feels.

SECURITY! David, I hate to nag but My Clooney and I are covered in bite marks and scratches. We got the elf out of the wardrobe and now he's hiding under the bed gibbering. He's whimpering, "Please don't make me go back there." Please come and remove him. Gwynne

DAVID! DAVID! Come to my cabin immediately. Legolas the elf was banging on the door at some unearthly hour and has locked himself in the wardrobe claiming asylum. He says he was held against his will in a room somewhere on the ship and every time I ask him about it he faints. I have a busy day ahead and I have already rejected him once, having no further use for him. Please come and collect him so that I can begin today's audition with Mr Clooney. Thanks, Gwynne

Mommylonglegs: Don't really do breakfast much: Just Brioche, Croissants Marmalade and Fruit Juice please. Did you put the original thread on 'Word'? so it could be sent as an Attachment? 'nite, speak to you tomorrow, after I've done the cat-run!

Nite all,hic! Viv

(Quiet-tone Tannoy) It's been a long and busy day, have a restful night everybody, speak to you after breakfast tomorrow. Get ready to go ashore for last minute shopping in Lisbon. Once we set sail again, it will be to the Azores. Goodnight

Drink up now please ladies and gents or security will be getting out of their hammocks and removing you from the bar by force. I ain't washing glasses now, I'm off to bed. Who wants to tuck me in? Any offers greatfully received.

If i'm needed in the night i have slung my hammock in the now disinfected brothel night all David Earl of Beard (security)

Time now please ladies and gentlemen. The bar is now closed as is the salon and the classroom. All will re-open at 9 in the morning.

Last orders ladies, gentlemen, slappers and elfs please.

Doctor LL Sending Mel over asap, just a few more waggles. David, The elf has gone nowhere, he never ever leaves the brothel or my side, If Liz has scarpered it must be with Action Dan.

Thankyou Earl of Beard. A lesson to all you staff. Have fun.

King Daniel as head of security it's my remit to treat everyone as equalls, so i have everything under control, i will give you my complete loyalty, no one will harm you, i will of course expect a huge country house and 30-000acre estate when we finally get back to Blighty. Heading back to the brothel anyone seen the disinfectant, think Liz has cleared off with the so called Elf. I am watching be afraid David (security)

Slapper, Lady Anne - incognito - so that my grandson does'nt find out about my erm new job. Just like to say there are untold members of the crew in the brothel slutty Jean and I cannot cope with requests, we need more slappers, if only Marion was'nt such a lazy bugger. Captain mam, perhaps if you have some free time tomorrow you could help out, don't tell Doctor LL but we have Mel Gibson complete with his Kilt on, and he waggles his lad whenever asked.