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Need help finding my birth mother please!

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Andyb68

Andyb68 Report 16 Nov 2012 22:18

Hi patchem, her middle name is Helen, again thanks for replies, I do have my adoption file and all the documents in it are signed Helen not Thelma. Also please could someone tell me the proper channels because I went for an interview with a councillor and just got a list of places like ancestry which is fine and I have enjoyed looking into my family history but I didn't get any info how to actually find a living relative.

Click ADD REPLY button - not this link!

Click ADD REPLY button - not this link! Report 16 Nov 2012 22:34

Where were you born so we know where she was?

Rose

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Click ADD REPLY button - not this link! Report 16 Nov 2012 22:36

No marriages for a Helen T Squire either.

Rose

Andyb68

Andyb68 Report 16 Nov 2012 22:41

I was born in wandsworth in 1968.Thanks

brummiejan

brummiejan Report 17 Nov 2012 00:02

Have you considered contacting NORCAP for a bit of guidance?

http://www.norcap.org.uk/

Jan

Flip

Flip Report 17 Nov 2012 11:23

Andrew,

Looks like the family were in the Woolwich area from 1959. Grandmother Thelma alone on ERs 1959-61, then with Norman D 1962-65, and in 1962/3 there was also a Arthur P (no idea how he is related though). The address was 3 Academy Place, Woolwich, SE18. Obviously the children would not appear until at least 1965 as they would be under 21.

However, this could place her in the right area for your birth. And the right area for the 2 sisters marriages in 1964 & 1968.

Did your adoption file give any indication as to her fathers occupation?

I think the best lead may be through her brother, I'll PM you some details - all of which are freely available on the internet - but the family may know nothing about you so you will need to think very carefully how you move forward on this.

Follow Jan's advice to contact Norcap - they provide intermediary services and can give you guidance.

brummiejan

brummiejan Report 17 Nov 2012 11:28

Flip is right - you have plenty of info to get you started, and with the relatively unusual names you have a head start on many people. With what she has sent you, and various other bits & pieces discovered on here, I don't think you need any more information to track your family down, but some advice and support wouldn't go amiss.
It seems Thelma herself is the elusive one so as stated you might need to contact another family member, so extra care is needed here isn't it.
All the very best of luck, fingers crossed for you.
Jan

Andyb68

Andyb68 Report 17 Nov 2012 13:26

Thanks again everyone, for help and support! I am extremely grateful and touched that so many people have taken time to gather information on my behalf. I would never dream of turning up on her doorstep or calling on the phone, if I had a definite address for her I would most certainly pass it on to action for children, however I am debating whether to send a cautiuos letter to possible address for my uncle, I don't understand how she would be able to keep this a secret for nearly 44 years.

Petef

Petef Report 17 Nov 2012 15:37


Hi,
It is probably a good idea for you to discuss your situation furthur with the social worker from Action for Children. She will write to members of your birth family on your behalf if she feels it to be appropriate. There is no need for you to become involved with Norcap. Action for Children seem to have done what they can to help you so far, you don't need a second Intermediary to join in.

Members of Genes who are being very helpful to you on this thread have reminded you that all details are on view for anyone in the world to view, that does of course include members of your birth family and everyone who knows them. It really isn't necessary to add anymore personal details now as you have presented the facts very clearly.
Regards,
Peter


Flip

Flip Report 17 Nov 2012 15:56

Hi Peter, I guess you have been helping off the thread to know so much about the help A4C have provided including the fact that it is a "her" - or is this speculation? If you provide info it would be good to know on the thread (although not the personal details) to save duplication of research.

Jan & I spent quite a lot of time trying to find connections, which I don't begrudge for one moment, but if you had already supplied info it woulf be better to have posted that.

We all try to help and Andrew looked as if he needed some help.

Andrew, I hope the leads proove to be successful for you.

Andyb68

Andyb68 Report 17 Nov 2012 16:40

Thanks again guys! Peter I get what you are saying but to me if any of my relatives or anyone that knows them are on here then at least they now know I am looking for them. I don't like to think of myself as a dirty little secret, I am a human if that is what my natural family think of me then I'm glad the truth is out there. I am pretty sure that anyone who has been adopted must feel the need to know their background at some stage in their life and would take opportunities to find them. If this makes me a selfish person then so be it. I am not angry! I couldn't have asked for better parents than I have and they are the main reason I haven't searched before now.

Petef

Petef Report 18 Nov 2012 10:55

Hi Flip,
It seems to make sense to me to ask a Newbie how much research they have done for themselves before you commence endless searches through the records on their behalf. If you had done so in this case, you would have found that andyb68 was already aware of all the family information you have now sent ....... plus more. The information I sent that I hoped would be helpful, was a reminder that this thread was Googled. I'm not sure if you consider it necessary for me to have stated this on the Thread? if so, perhaps I ought to do so in future?

Yes, indeed you have wasted a lot of your time, certainly not my fault, just yours.
Peter

Flip

Flip Report 18 Nov 2012 11:17

You are extremely rude Peter, and you are also wrong - Andrew did not have all the information I sent him - he was missing some links to prove the connection.

patchem

patchem Report 18 Nov 2012 14:27

Peter,
It is always better to have all the information together on the thread so that all helpers can see it.
I tend to assume that posters will detail where they have looked and what they have found, so that we know where to start looking. It is common sense for them to do so.
I did ask him some rather basic questions.
He appeared to need a lot of help.
The poster is meant to 'hang around' to answer queries for the first hour or so.
We are all used to finding things out and then the poster says they already have the information.
Equally, other posters get back very quickly in amazement at some very basic things.
If you have been in active communication with Andrew (because you claim that Andrew knew what Flip had found) and found out that he already had a lot of information, perhaps you could have directed him back to the thread, or even posted what he had found?
That would have helped everybody.
Or do you expect all helpers to individual pm all the posters?
If so, you may not be aware that many posters think we are being very rude to do this, and can really resent being directed back to their threads. (Though others are eternally grateful)
Yes, you could have said on the thread that you had sent a pm to Andrew reminding him about being picked up on google searches.
Your final comment to Flip was uncalled for, petty, and very mean-minded. You are just trying to absolve yourself of any blame.

Andyb68

Andyb68 Report 18 Nov 2012 18:09

I am very sorry to everyone for causing an argument on this thread! Being a new member of genes reunited I didn't have a clue how it worked and also didn't know this was public information, initially I was just curious as to whether there was anyone else researching the same family tree. I am still very shocked that so many people answered and came up with so much information, not sure if I said this already but the research I did was about 18 months ago and I have moved house since then and lost all my notes. I was never that sure of myself that I was researching the right family, so all the information I have been given is very helpful. It has also confirmed that I was researching the right family and given me new leads! I am extremely grateful to everyone that has taken their own time to do research on my behalf. I am very sorry to anyone that feels they have wasted their time!
Andy

Flip

Flip Report 18 Nov 2012 20:55

Andrew, it isn't you who needs to apologise - you have done NOTHING wrong, and I, like many other helpers on here are just glad to help where we can.

I really hope you find your mother

Best of luck, and you know where we are if you need anything more checking out.

Flip

JustDinosaurJill

JustDinosaurJill Report 19 Nov 2012 11:00

Totally agree with Flip Andrew. No apologies needed from you.

I haven't helped out on this thread but am with the others who are glad to help when we can.

Even if you don't end up needing anymore help from us, please keep us updated on how you are getting on. To do this come back to this thread (don't start a new one), look at your first post, click on 'Edit' and put update in the title. Then add your new message as per normal to follow on from the rest.

Good Luck. Jill

Andyb68

Andyb68 Report 21 Nov 2012 18:31

Hi guys, just wondering if anyone could help again! I have retrieved my adoption file from my parents house and it says that my birth mum also had an older brother. I can't find any birth for him at all, I have worked out he was born between 1940 & 1941. Do you think he could have been born abroad as his dad was a major in the army? Thank you!!

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Click ADD REPLY button - not this link! Report 21 Nov 2012 19:45

Does it say she has 2 brothers, or perhaps it refers to Norman D being her older brother as he was born a few minutes before her?

Rose

Andyb68

Andyb68 Report 21 Nov 2012 20:32

Hi rose, no it says that she is one of triplets then she has an older sister and a 28 year old brother too (she was 22). This makes his birth year 1940-41. Thanks!