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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:16

3 virgin sisters were all getting married within a short time period. Mum was a bit
worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to
send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions
of marital sex.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said
nothing but: “Nescafe”. Puzzled at first, Mum went to her kitchen and got out the
Nescafe jar. It said: “Good till the last drop”. Mum blushed, but was pleased for
her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from the Maldives a week after the wedding, and
the card read: “Rothmans”. Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's
cigarettes to read from the pack: “Extra Long. King Size”. She was again slightly
embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl departed for her honeymoon in New Zealand . Mum waited for a week,
nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. A month passed; still nothing.. A card
finally arrived from Auckland on which was written with shaky hand, “Air New Zealand"

Mum took out her latest travel magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst,
and finally found the ad for Air NZ.

'Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.'



Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:15

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realised that at my age I don't really give a rat's A*s anymore.

.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.

.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while

.. A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:15

Q: Why do they call it the wonder bra?

A: When you take it off you wonder where your t*ts went.


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:14


For several years, a man had been having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided to him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he
paid her a large sum of money if she would go back to
Italy to secretly have the child.

Also, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would
provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a
postcard, and

Write “Spaghetti” on the back when the child was born.

He would then arrange for the Child Support Payments to

One day, about 8 months later, he came home to his
confused wife.

“Honey,” she said, “You received a very strange postcard

“Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,” he

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card,
turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:14

Politically Incorrect Joke of the Day.

What do you call the first Refugee off the boat?

What do you call the second Refugee off the boat?
Amhere Azwell.

What do you call the third Refugee off the boat?
Amhere Azwell Azhim.


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:13

A man walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price.

He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs put it on and model it for him

Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea.

It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing.

I won't put it on - do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow and get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself'.

So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.

The husband says 'Stone me, it wasn't that creased in the shop'.

His funeral is this Thursday.


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:12

"Do you and Mummy have sexual relations, Daddy?"

"Er, yes son, we do"

"Then why don't we ever visit them?"


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:12

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?”
Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!”
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3×3?”
Harry: “9?
Principal: “What is 6×6?”
Harry: “36?
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.”
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”
Ms Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: “Pockets.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Harry: “Pants.”
Ms. Brooks: “What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?”
Harry: “Coconut.”
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”
The principals' eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, “Bubble gum.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”
Harry: “Shake hands.”
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?”
Harry: “Firetruck.”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong…”


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:11

Paddy's wife says to him, Paddy we've been married along time, you're good looking and I think you've slept with a lot of women, I won't be mad but I would like to know how many, if any, you have slept with.

Paddy says to his wife, my lovely lass you should know I've never slept with any woman but you my lovely - with all the rest I was awake


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:10

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces: "This is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar £50 that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it."

None of the people could believe this, so one chap brought up a guitar. The octopus took hold of the guitar and started picking away,every bit as good as Jimi Hendrix. The man took £50 from the chap who was gobsmacked.

Next someone brings up a trumpet. The octopus started playing the trumpet, better than Herb Alpert. The man won another £50 from the chap with the trumpet who then left in a "taxi" shaking his head.

Then a Scotsman said I bet he cannae play these and produced a fine set of bagpipes. The octopus picked up the bagpipes for a minute and, looking a little puzzled, set them down again.

The Scotsman said ' I knew it, so you can't play these fine bagpipes I believe £50 is mine?"

"Play it?" said the octopus, "I'm gonna make love to her as soon as I figure out how to get her pyjamas off."


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:09

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been
run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his
face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little toerag, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you,
he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible
lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you
have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
beauty it was, but useless in a fight


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:09

Women. We are all unique

Three phases of a woman’s life:

1. Upsets her father.
2. Irritates her husband.
3. Drives her son-in-law crazy.


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:08

Q: What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynaecologist ?

A: A genealogist looks up your family tree. A gynaecologist looks up your family bush.


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:08

Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

A: Snowballs.


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:07

A woman was involved in a serious car crash and there's blood everywhere.

The paramedics & fire brigade arrive and they gently ease the woman out of the car and lie her flat on the ground.

One of the paramedics says to the woman I'm going to do some tests to check your reflexes.

The woman says - OK.

The paramedic says to the woman - how many fingers am I putting up.

The woman says - Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down.


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:06

A woman walks into the local dry cleaners and she places a garment on the counter.

I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress she says.

Come again? - says the dry cleaner, cupping his ear.

No she replies - this time it's mayonnaise.


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:05

A woman goes to the council to register for child benefit.

How many children do you have asks the council worker.

10 replies the woman.

What are their names asks the council worker.

Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and
Wayne replies the woman.

Doesn't that get confusing asks the council worker.

Naah says the woman its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout Wayne yer dinners ready or Wayne time for bed and they all come in.

What if you want to speak to one of them individually says the confused council worker.

That's easy, says the woman I just use their surnames


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:05

A Chinese man saw Steven Spielberg in hotel Ambassador, as he was a fan of Steven, he asked for his autograph. Instead, Steven gave the man a slap and said

"You bombed our Pearl Harbor.”

Heart broken, the Chinese man said, “it was the Japanese, not us.”

Steven said, “Japanese, Chinese, Bhutanese, your all the same.”

Angry, the Chinese slapped Steven and said, “You sank the Titanic, my fore fathers were in the ship.”

Surprised, Steven replied, “It was not me, it was the iceberg.” The Chinese said, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Karlsberg, your all the same.”


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:04

A husband and a wife were out enjoying a round of golf about to tee off on the third hole which was lined with beautiful homes.
The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to their surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.
They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.
The wife said, "Do you live here?"
"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there and freed me from that little bottle. I am so grateful," he answered.
The wife said, "Are you a genie?"
"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.
The husband and wife agreed on two wishes...one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.
The genie nodded and said, "Done!"
The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife." I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I have made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."
The husband and wife agreed.
After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?" to which she responded, "Three years." The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?" to which she responded, "31 years old." The genie then asked, "How long has he believed in this genie stuff?"


Bobtanian Report 27 Aug 2013 01:03

The newly-weds are in their honeymoon suite and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He proceeds to take off his pants and throw them at her.

He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your pants."

"And don't forget that" he replies, "I will always wear the pants in this family!"

The bride takes off her panties and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies, "I can't get into your panties!"

"And you never will if you don't change your attitude."