Quizzes and Games

Well golfers always have their priorities right!!!! P.S. OH, SIL and gson all golfers!!!!!!!!!!

At the risk of being given a GR holiday for posting a joke, here goes.

Subject: dilemma


Dear Abby,

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have
suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual
signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been
going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names
she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them. I try to
stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall
asleep. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep
down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out
again and I decided to finally check on her.

Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a
good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with
'the girls'. When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse,
which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them
on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a
hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my 3-wood. Is this
something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop where I
bought it?





George

Ah! a sympathiser,

Elizabeth,welcome!!

Bob

I hope this censoring of the jokes doesn't go too far - a lot of them were very crass but still made us laugh - I did find I was opting not to send the crasser ones to my friends and relations but I always got back to the thread hoping to find something suitable! (I have found this a good way of keeping in touch in an undemanding way with my more distant family)

I think it is funny!

I've just c & p'd this to send to a friend who's flying to Melbourne soon!

Thicko says "thanks" - and feels a bit daft

Sue x

NUDGE

Thicko here.

NUD ge? Is this some kind of txt spk?

Sue x

cant do "n" any more gotta be 3 letters.......

NUD ge

nud??

nud

The poor nun, knowing that she had to wait another 12 hours for the next flight, thought "why not?" and inserted yet another coin.

Back out came yet another card. This time it read "Ryanair don't do refunds. You won't get fooled again"

Sue x

beginning to look that way Foggy!!

PMSL ANN a good one, but think you are wasting your time on here with jokes.

I love a good joke, but don't think they go down too well on here which is such a shame.

I can't find it!!

A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO MELBOURNE .

SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.'

SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER COIN IN, OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 70KG, AND YOU ARE GOING TO MELBOURNE .'

THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE. THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER COIN IN, AND OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ:

'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 70KG, YOU ARE GOING TO MELBOURNE AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A VIOLIN.'

THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG - I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN.

FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A MAN CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS VIOLIN CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM.
WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE MAN'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE VIOLIN, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC.
SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE, THINKING, 'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'

BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER COIN, AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT. IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 70KG , YOU ARE GOING TO MELBOURNE AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.' NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG ,AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED, AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND.
ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.' SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE,PUT IN ANOTHER COIN AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.
IT READ: 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 70KG, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO MELBOURNE ....'