Quizzes and Games

A young monk arrives at the Monastery
He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying
the old canons and laws of the Church by hand
He notices,however that all the monks are copying
from copies,not from the original manuscripts
so the new monk goes to the Abbot to question this,pointing out that if someone makes even a small error in the first copy it would never be picked up !
The Abbot says "we have been copying from the copies for centuries but that is a good piont my son"
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the Monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives,in a locked vault that has nott been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the Abbot,so the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing

We missed the "R"-We missed the "R"

The young man asks the Abbot "what is wrong father"
With a choking voice the Abbot replies-

The word was CELEBRATE !!

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on tv this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I had started and hadn't finished, so i have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot; a bottle of Chardonnay; a bodle of Baileys; a butle of wum; a pockage of Prungles; the remainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptins; the res of the cheesecake; an a box a chocletz.. yu haf no idr how bludy fablus i feel rite now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu feel r in need ov innr pissss An telum u blody luvum !!
I Blody luv u 2 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A Guy phoned into his boss that he cant come to work because of a blinding headache
Thats tough said the boss, tell you what, heres a tip, whenever I get a headache, I go and have a real rumpy pumpy session with my missus for an hour or so, Certainly clears mine up......... 2 hours later the boss gets another phone call, its the sick workman........

Bloody hell says he, that was brilliant, me headaches gorn completely now.........be in this after noon,



By the way, you got a smashing house........

TESTICLE THERAPY

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes" the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

"Feels great", he replied, "but I still think my thumb's broken"

here's some from yesteryear!!!



Winter Drawers Ever Near 8th Nov 2004
Anyone out there old enough to remember these jokes. Mummy, mummy daddy's fallen on the fire. Well don't poke him he might last until Friday!!

Winter Drawers Ever Near 8th Nov 2004
Very witty. Mummy, mummy I hate daddy's guts. Well leave them on the side of your plate!. (just put myself off my dinner).

Mags in Bristol 8th Nov 2004
Mummy, mummy I keep going round in circles!' 'Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!' 'Mummy mummy - can I lick the bowl?' 'No - flush it like everybody else!' (now I'm off my dinner too lol)

Speedy . 8th Nov 2004
Or this one... Mummy, mummy why do I keep running round in circles?...shut up or I'll nail the other foot to the ground. Bev

Speedy . 8th Nov 2004
ok Mag's you bet me on that one...how about Mummy, mummy can I play with granddad, no you've already dug him up 3 times this week...

Mags in Bristol 8th Nov 2004
'Mummy, mummy, can I play with Granny?' 'No - you've dug her up three times this week already!'

Mags in Bristol 8th Nov 2004
And you beat me Bev LOL!

Speedy . 8th Nov 2004
Mags we think too much alike :))) Bev

Pat Going Around In Circles 8th Nov 2004
Mags, Might change my name after that one, LOL oh dear, Aileen suddenly I'm not too hungry either. Pat x

Winter Drawers Ever Near 8th Nov 2004
Or.... Mummy, mummy daddy's been run over by a steamroller. I'm in the bath at the moment. Slip him under the door.


Anne in Selhurst 8th Nov 2004
mummy mummy daddy's going out, well put some more parafin on him then

Well golfers always have their priorities right!!!! P.S. OH, SIL and gson all golfers!!!!!!!!!!

At the risk of being given a GR holiday for posting a joke, here goes.

Subject: dilemma


Dear Abby,

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have
suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual
signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been
going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names
she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them. I try to
stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall
asleep. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep
down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out
again and I decided to finally check on her.

Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a
good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with
'the girls'. When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse,
which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them
on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a
hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my 3-wood. Is this
something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop where I
bought it?





George

Ah! a sympathiser,

Elizabeth,welcome!!

Bob

I hope this censoring of the jokes doesn't go too far - a lot of them were very crass but still made us laugh - I did find I was opting not to send the crasser ones to my friends and relations but I always got back to the thread hoping to find something suitable! (I have found this a good way of keeping in touch in an undemanding way with my more distant family)

I think it is funny!

I've just c & p'd this to send to a friend who's flying to Melbourne soon!

Thicko says "thanks" - and feels a bit daft

Sue x

NUDGE

Thicko here.

NUD ge? Is this some kind of txt spk?

Sue x

cant do "n" any more gotta be 3 letters.......

NUD ge

nud??

nud

The poor nun, knowing that she had to wait another 12 hours for the next flight, thought "why not?" and inserted yet another coin.

Back out came yet another card. This time it read "Ryanair don't do refunds. You won't get fooled again"

Sue x

beginning to look that way Foggy!!

PMSL ANN a good one, but think you are wasting your time on here with jokes.

I love a good joke, but don't think they go down too well on here which is such a shame.