General Chat

Another lot of jokes to ruin my mascara

Mo

Ed I can remember seeing it also ...the audience was laughing because they thought it was part of his act .

He always wanted to go out making his audience laugh .....and he said he would go out laughing ... he did both

He would be 88

I didn't like him till the time I saw him live sometime in the early 80's ) after that *just like that* he made me laugh

He was on "Live at Her Majesty's" when it happened - I remember watching the show. He walked on with a giant tube of "Tunes" on his fez and said - "I've had tunes running through my head all day."

I went to the doctor's the other day and said to him: "Do you have anything for a creaky hip joint?" He gave me two tickets to Ronnie Scotts.

Saw him live in the North-West in the 70s. He was absolutely great. One of the best. One more of his jokes:
"two blondes walked into a building -
Well, you think one of them would have seen it!"!

I still love Tommy, thanks Suzy, chuckled my way through them. shirley.xx

I dont think it was Chistmas day he died. Was a long time ago - I was watching the show then turned over to watch Dallas just as it happened. I dont think I recall it being Christmas but was it night time or late in the evening.

Suzy, what are you on gal? !!!!! PMSL
Love Viv
xxx

So Pleased that you enjoyed them....Hubby sent it to me. :)))

My memory is a bit cloudy, but was it a Christmas day that he died on stage?

Jean...where have you gone on you know what :(((

They don't make them like him anymore Suzy.

One of my all time favourites:)

Jean x.

:o)))))))))))

Had me in stitches Suzy lol

Val x

O.H will like that one.Loved Tommy Cooper.

really good-tommy cooper was a hero
c
xx

pmsl very funny x

Pmsl....they're ace...!!

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on
it. I thought, "That's Aboriginal."

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It
was a turtle disaster.

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?"
I said, "No, permanent."

I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said,
"Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a
Volkswagen with no driver.

I went to the local video shop and I said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?"
He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said
"No, just a watch."

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke
said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said,
"You've got cholera."

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his
name, it's P something T something R.

I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it
down.

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just
went on and on.

The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary
work?? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said,
"You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is
for the custard."

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin
paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me
on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you
anything."

I phoned the local builders today; I said to them "Can I have a skip
outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"

This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes
first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd
been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to
say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me
managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and
asked me what had happened. I said "I careered off the road"

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing
a cat in there.

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the
shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two
counts.

I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said "Eurostar"
I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Robbie Williams.

.