General Chat

Well, Chat Board seems a bit slow tonight so I thought I'd re-open the Charm School of East Kent.

Roll up, roll up, with your problems and concerns - let Agony Aunty Jill put all to rights ...

Sound advice given.

Form an orderly queue please!

Jill

How to repress a fit of flatulence whilst having afternoon tea with members of my local WI? Can you give me any tips on how to disguise it apart from coughing loudly. Many thanks. It is of great concern as folks have been talking....BC XX

I would like to open a book of condolence for Wellard the dog off Eastenders who apparently popped his paws tonight!!! sob sob!!!!

*tries to contain herself whilst waiting for a reply.......

May I offer a bit of advice on this one BC - when you have accidentally or deliberately passed wind your first reaction should be to glare at the person closest to you and immediately move away, holding a hankie to your nose!!!

Thank you Ann, am not so good at glaring because of the eye...but will try it:-))

I find Jill a tad on the slow side with advice don't you?

*shocked...do you think she is a charleyton Ann?

you could well be right - asking people to bare their souls and then disappearing

BC - own up to your farts - they are yours! Be proud of them!

I will append one of my poems - all will become clear if you read to the end:-



"Ladylike"

I want to be thought ladylike, elegant, refined.
Considered to be careful, philanthropic, kind.
I want to always wear a hat that matches gloves and shoes
Silky suits or dresses, pastel pinks and blues.

I’ll need to make some changes, which might be quite a bind
I’d like a newer, younger face, ‘cos this one’s gone all lined.
The boobs could do with jacking up, the bottom’s none too bright
But these are not the only things that I need to put right.

I ought to give up smoking, chocolate and booze
And I’ve several other habits that I’d do as well to lose.
Like telling jokes in company that some might think are rude
And belching very loudly after certain types of food.

Drinking too much Guinness and being banned from pubs,
Swearing at the bouncers who throw me out of clubs,
Gambling on a Sunday and swimming in the buff,
Failing to appreciate just when I’ve had enough.

It may not work, I’m much too old to make a brand new start.
And some things took so long to learn, like the timing of a fart.
And bugger it, I’m perfect, the way I am right now.
So bums to being ladylike, I’ll just remain a cow!

Jill Clinton

Am seriously thinking of reporting her for abuse!!!!!

was that one of Shakespeare's sonnets?

Wellard! That mangy old alsation that was on there the last time I watched East Enders? About 10 years ago now! Well, about time - poor old mutt.

Condolences? No, think of it. He's in calm, peaceful doggy heaven away from all that bickering and shouting! What sort of life is that for a dog. He's much happier now. Believe me.

Anyway, it's only TV - the actor dog that plays Wellard is alive and well, living in some calm, comfy house with bones and treats and things.

Buck up please.

And if anyone even so much as mentions Big Brother they are banned!

Jill

Dear Aunty Jill,

I have this habit of making a weekly shopping list and taking it to our local shop, where I promtly put all the bargains in the trolley......last Saturday Boullibaise (sp) soup had gone down from £1.15 a can to 50p, and then to 25p as it is a discontinued line........I have 12 tins so far, and am in danger of clearing the shelves again tomorrow.....

.....how can I stop myself stocking up......please help me or we will be eating Bouillibaise (or whatever its called) for the foreseeable future.....

Yours fishily,

Sally the Cancerian Crab....

hahahahah that poem could have been written about me! Sooooo Jill when I drop into your place on Sunday I can feel free to go with the flow then...aahhhh feel better already:-)

btw.....Stuart was evicted....

Shakespeare's sonnets? Good grief Ann - I don't do proper poetry you know. Wish I could ...

The Boullabsisse wotsitit TINS Jill...what can Sally do about her tin obsession...tsk tsk...hurry up dear.....

Sally

Bouillabaise (sp) is healthy, delicious, nutritious. It's not on special offer at my local shop so hang on to those tins and I will send you a large crate for you to return them to me.

Tinned soup will keep for some considerable time so as long as you have room to store it there should be no need to eat it all this week and next week - save some for October and November. No worries.

I think you may have a lack of nurture in your life. Nurture and nourishment go hand in hand. Please explain this to the love of your life and demand cuddles and strokes on a regular basis. This will go some way to alleviating your problem.

If this fails at least remember to take your own bag to the shop and recycle all the tins - save the planet - yeah!

Jill

BC - I have two grown men in the house - OH and son - I don't think there'd be a danger of you having to hold yourself in!

Jill