General Chat

thanks all, enjoyed the tongue in cheek, it cheered me up and Dermot and others who thought it was my family tree, after all the work ive put into that he would have been DEAD. Mind you he still may be. Elaine.

If my other half willfully destroyed anything of 'mine' then there would be hell to pay, then again we don't have the yours and mine view (except for a few personal items) everythings 'ours'.

I'm not sure if this is an attitude more prevelant in older generations, as they didn't grow up with the concept of when a divorce occurs everything gets split 50:50 regardless of who went out to work (I know its more complicated than that, but thats a concept the generation I am part of knows very well).

I wouldn't have put up with a partner for 51 days if they had such an attitude no matter 51 years.

I am guessing these stubborn old men do have there good points but that anyone looking in on the relationship might see the bad points first, the family joke was my grandads second wife deserved a medal for putting up with him, although we also questioned what was she thinking when she remarried him after they divorced.

What's more important - a tree or a family tree?

I thought for a second that he took a chain-saw to your family tree!

Elaine/flying doctor

You sound as if you endure life,and don't enjoy it at all.If you find no joy living with this man,get out of the situation,remove yourself from it.Honestly,the way you describe yourself,you sound like a housekeeper',not a wife in a loving marriage.Don't you deserve better than the way you are treated now? For your life to improve,you have to be strong enough to force a change.If you stay in the same loveless rut that you are in,you will just keep on getting the same old stuff.If you have any pride or self respect left,you will realise that this situation is totally unacceptable,and you must do something about it.(I've been there,done that,and came out a stronger person for it.) But only you can do it,and will know when you can't put up with it any longer.

Good luck, xx

Margot. XX

Elaine, having known of your situation for some time,I fully understood and as regards my set up, I am only staying at o.h.'s house as my house needs work but due to health and financial problems I cannot do anything much at the mo.
Legally I have less claim than you Elaine so hope you can get some good legal advice and things get better for you, I hope you have kept receipts or proof of things you have bought for your home even if he says it is his house.

My situation is different in that we are not married and I do have a house of my own, albeit not habitable at the moment but so long as I sort myself out before he snuffs it I will be ok lol


Good luck Elaine.
Lizx

When you got married what words did you use in the ceremony?

My husband and I promised to share. Certainly the church service includes those words.

A marriage means sharing or it might just as well not have happened.

Obviously we all tend to have our own personal items which we have given each other or had as Christmas or Birthday presents over the years but our home and garden belongs to us both. The money my mother-in-law left my husband is in large part in my name or our joint names because of the way our financial advisor has sorted it all.

If after that many years a man still thinks a family home and garden are his alone then he has little respect or true love for the woman who has shared his life. I wonder how he treats you otherwise because I can't see him being generous and caring if this is how he treats things he knows you care about.

Time to get a life I think. Good luck

Sue
x

Oh Elaine.

I too thought he had writ off your family tree lol.

What a selfish and spoilt little boy, cause that is what he is really. But to have stayed with him this long you must love him. I am dam sure I would have been long gone by now.

Before my hubbys mum died she made her house over to my husband legally as he was the only one, she died last year so we moved into it...prior to us doing this my husband immediatly put my name on the deeds as it is a family home so should anything happen to him the kids and I still have a house.

We have been married 15yr this year and everything is shared opinions, children etc.

But should he suddenly start being like your Husband then by golly he would really have to watch out, he can't cook, only recently (due to me being in hospital) has an idea how to use the washer.

I don't work as I look after the kids so don't have any money of my own, but what is his is mine and whats mine is his and it works fine.

You are not a mug Elaine, far from it your stuck in a rut and the sooner you can get out of it the better really.

Hope the solicitor has something positive to say and advise you accordingly.

I would prune his plums.!
In the end it will ALL be yours, relax !

Good luck, Elaine. He has treated you like a doormat and will get a very nasty shock when he finds out you are legally entitled to your half of HIS(not!) things.

The ones who said MINE ans HIS are right but he laid down the ground rules, if I say ours he goes absolulty mad. The garden is a wallled one at the rear of the house ( note I say the house) because he says it is his house as his mother gave it to him, (we had been married over 10 years then) My oh cannot share anything so I find it easier not to say ours. I can't spend his money as he doesn't give me any, I still part time work and he has not worked for over 30years. I did feel like slashing the tyers on HIS five cars but that would make me as bad as he is. I stopped giving him money for my keep, his word not mine, about five years ago as I was sick of the MY attitude However I do buy carpets funiture soft furnishings and kitchen equipment etc. I do also do the cooking cleaning and dog walking so I think I earn MY keep. How have I stuck it, well I take each day at a time and time goes by without my really noticing how the years have flown. Many thanks for you comments it is nice to hear all points of veiw, I know I'm a mug but I have decided to see a solicitor and wil see what they say.Elaine.

Think you should kill husband and bury him under your roses, flying doctor. Sure it must be against medical ethics, but it may do the trick.

LOL

Meri x

Dear Elaine,

Island said it all for me-how about " OUR garden," "OUR trees"?? Surely you both share the garden? If not,that is very sad... What keeps you together?

Sorry to be so negative.

Margot.

Another one who thought you meant your family tree! lol

Hi There, Sorry to hear about the tree stories but it could have been so much worse, when I read the thread headline I went cold-------I was thinking if my husband demolished my family tree with his medling whilst I was away I would kill him................................then I read on and found it was a living breathing tree.......................maybe it'll grow back????
Tina

I agree with sue, but how we miss them when their not around any more.
lynn

Hit him in the wallet Elaine - go out and replace them all! lol

Tina x

Your fault, Elaine and Liz:) You allowed it to happen before so they keep on keeping on. People including husbands treat us the way we allow them to. Easy for me to speak:))

Sue x

Oooooh MEN! Having probs with mine too - must be the blinky weather!

I am on strike at present time OH has to do his own meals, washing, ironing etc etc until he comes round to realise that I actually do do something around the house and its not just him going to work - that will teach him! Of course I will probably relent later on and cook him tea, I am too soft!

But sometimes enough is enough and talking of gardening, he always mows over my plants in the garden I think he does it on purpose to see what reaction or level of reaction I take. If he had his way it would be concrete all over! Ooooh, they may have their uses but honestly sometimes you wonder why you bother. Rant over lol

Tina x

Liz, haven't you worked out yet that, if you expect more than one thing to be done, he'll need a list!!
And yes - if it's HIS house, it must be HIS housework! You can't have your cake AND eat it!!
LOL Good luck ;-)

Use the axe to fell him,if it all belongs to him,let him do his own washing and cooking ,part exchange the old s** ,Fred.