General Chat

Janey, I agree. If it is depression then it's important that it's diagnosed and treated. Ann needs to find out for sure and if it isn't depression don't just assume it's hormones, it may be something different.

In many women, they feel 'out of sorts' and the need to lash out at someone and the one closest to them (the soulmate) is the one who they know will take it, where others might not.
Your daughter was not ready for this pregnancy because she thought it could not happen, then it did and she now has what seems to be a long way yet to go. As it progresses and the end gets nearer, it will not seem so bad - but I do think her doctor should know about it, as there may be a way of helping her there.

Just in case someone is thinking I said Ann's daughter *is depressed* ... I didn't. Ann thinks she is, and I assume Ann has a basis for that.

If it is the case, it is not something to be ignored. Only a pro can diagnose properly, but if it is suspected, it is wise to investigate.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2567806/

Peripartum, or perinatal, depression includes the well known postpartum depression, the very common postpartum blues, and the less known and recognized prepartum depression. Yet, prepartum depression, which occurs in 8.5 to 11% of women, has a potentially detrimental impact not only on the mother, but also on the offspring, ... . Often times, prepartum depression is undiagnosed due to common pregnancy symptoms, such as fatigue, weight gain, and sleep problems, that are similar to major depression criteria. Prepartum depression is also a high risk factor for the development of postpartum depression ... .

i think when your pregnant your hormones are raging.my hubby learned very quick .do ....not ..........wind......me......up.
maybe when she changes things will get better.
will pm you .

I'm with Tania. Nobody really knows what goes on in a relationship other than the couple themselves. It may be depression but equally it may not be. Some people out there can seem to be lovely, charming people but, in truth, be manipulative, even emotionally abusive. I'm not saying this is what your daughter's partner is just that things are not always what they seem. Keep an eye on your daughter and support her in her choices, even if you don't agree with them, you may find that she'll confide in you. However, that is unlikely to happen if she feels that you are on his side.

Do let us know how she gets on, won't you?

Lizx

Do let us know how she gets on, won't you?

Lizx

Reading your posts again Ann, I am wondering as the pregnancy happened so quickly whether she is feeling a bit out of control and if her partner worships her, maybe he is so overwhelmed at it happening at all, that he mollycoddles her or puts her on a pedestal and things have changed, maybe he is like a lot of men who don't want to have, shall we say marital relations, while she is pregnant?

Why will your daughter have to come home and give back the flat, is that your take on things or hers? I think if he can cope at his Mum's for the time being but stay in touch with her without pressurising her, she might have a rethink or her hormones might settle down closer to the birth and she would have him back or at least see more of him. It's very sad and very hard on him, but she is probably better being at the flat than at home so that she can stick to her routine and be on her own when she wants, and have friends or you and her family round when she wants company, if you are near enough.

She does need to talk with someone tho so if you can contact her doctor, even if you just write a letter to him/her explaining the way things have gone, it would help her. Sometimes doctors won't even speak with another person if not registered with them but they will read a letter, I had to do that when my o.h. was ill in 2007 and having strange 'visions'

I got pregnant in the first week of trying after losing my baby daughter eight years before and not falling pregnant again with her father, when I changed partners (more to it than that lol) I came off the pill and fell the first week. It threw my new partner so much altho he wanted to try for a baby as much as I did, that he backed out and I ended up alone. I was shocked myself but happy that I was to have another baby but it's hard work on your own.

Hope things work out, try to explain to your daughter that a lot of stress won't help her baby right now so to try and stay calm as she can, but to think how she might feel in a few months time when she and her partner have missed sharing the experience of the pregnancy, it's something special they can never get back.

Lizx

Hi Ann
I would not automatically jump to the conclusion that because she does not want to be with her partner she is depressed.
Is she showing any other signs of psychiatric illness.
Is she sleeping, is she agitated does she appear to be on a high.
The reality is that just because her OH seems lovely dosent mean he is.
A fair few not so lovely people manage to convince a whole pile of people around them that they are nice as pie when they are not,
I would be inclined to see her as much as possible in case there is a sign of mental illness,but mostly I would support her in her decision,I cant imagine anything worse if I had left my partner than my mother siding with him.
Anything could have happened behind those closed doors,frankly you just wouldnt know.
So as Joy said least said soonest mended,keep your eyes and ears open,talk to the midwife if you can but most of all support her no matter what.

Perhaps you can go with her to her next appointment?

Rose

Rose she has polycystic ovary syndrome and thought it was hard to get pregnant and got pregnant straight away.Had lots of problems in the first 12 weeks and has 4 scans so far.Now she feels fine that everything is fine and now has turned like this?All she does now is talk baby? Ann

How does she feel about having the baby? Any concerns there?

Rose

Ann, I think you're very sharp to pick up on the possibility she is depressed, and what this could mean post partum.

If that does seem to be the case - and pushing people away is sure a classic sign - I'll disagree with Rose if she doesn't mind. The depressed person needs care for herself, before any couples effort. If you can talk to the doctor's office or clinic or midwifery practice handling her prenatal care (they can't talk to you, but they could listen to you), you might try it. Along with encouraging your daughter to talk to one of her healthcare providers herself.

sounds like a case of less said sooner mended
one way or another its her choice
and it may well sort its self after the baby comes

she may just be afraid of becoming a family
its a big change to somebodys life

I think at that stage I hated everything and everyone apart from a sick bowl and my bed as I could of happily slept 24 hrs aday, like its been said hormones have a lot to answer for.

Rose NO not in her state of mind.Perhaps she does not really want to be with him? But why have a baby? The baby was planned Ann

Sounds like a case for couples counselling to me. Do you think she'll go?

Rose

Are you able to talk to the hospital where she is booked to have the baby and see if they have a counsellor who can talk them through the situation. If you talk to him just tell him to give her space but be available when she wishes to communicate.

I agree it is the hormones. However you really need to try and get her to articulate the problem, just in case there is another underlying cause.

.She goes to work and has stayed in the flat and he has gone back to mums.He has been so good as it is his flat.She will have to come back home and give him back his flat.He said he does not want to upset her or stress her out.I am sure she has depression and worry more about post natal depression now. Ann

Oh dear what a mess for you all to have to go through at this time


My second hubby told me he was jealous of me being pregnant ...

But I,m thinking that prehaps she is thinking she cant love two people when the baby comes so she is cutting herself of from him early so it will be easy for her to egt on alone

Prehaps you could try to talk to her about why she feels she now doesnt want her hubby around and what she thinks will happen after the baby arrives about the dads involvement in the childs life

Is she living with you or alone and does she have a job ...all these things may decide what will happen anyway

Good Luck