General Chat

Banned from the Co-op – Didn’t like shopping there anyway

Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP in Denbigh buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from the Co-op.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

Mary xx

Best laugh I have had for ages. Cannot understand why you are banned Mary, think it would have cheared anyone up waiting at a check- out.

wmsl Mary ,
that is just so good the tears are running down my face .lol
Hazelx

Brilliant, top marks Mary!
You had my wife and I in stitches.

Best wishes,
Mayfield.

Brilliant, Mary! Lol! We do most of our shopping in our local (fairly large) Co op, but I have noticed that some of the supervisors take themselves rather too seriously at times, although most of the staff are lovely.

Brilliant - don't do it too often or you will have nowhere to do your shopping
Liz

Send your version to the CEO - am sure he will understand ! Lovely story.

Mary, I love it thanks for the best laugh in ages, both hubby and I have tears running down our cheeks.

Caz xx

Mary...thats brilliant, OH is giong to look in a mo as he's watching the sports (again)...grrrr

Really funny, thanks for that. What a brilliant sense of humour you have:o)


jude :o) x

Best laugh I have had in ages. tears rolling down my cheeks

Hahaha - priceless!

They should employ you so that you can make people happy and laughing every day, You could be similar to the Poet Lauriette or the !Story Teller.!
Absolutely marvelous, I keep reading it/

Mary you are so naughty.

mary, tomorrow is my coop shopping day, so when i am waiting in the checkout queue, i shall think of you and probably burst out laughing. my day today wasnt the best until i read your story and now cant stop laughing. thanks for cheering me up.

still dont know why they banned you. what crime did you commit?
florencex

Oh Mary that is fantastic, me and OH cant stop laughing. I would love to have been in that queue, made my day that lol
Sylvia

LOL - ask the bl**ding obvious - and get a great tale from Mary!!!!
The Co-op should employ you to keep the queues entertained!!!

Wonderful - I think you have read the poem Warning by Jenny Joseph

"When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple"

not at all suprised you were banned he he,by the time all the customers had a wobbler ,there would have been no one left in the shop to buy anything ,exept maybe hankies ,lol.Fred.

Just my opinion but think you should all boycott the Co-op, personally don't shop there to expensive. lol.
Carol

Mary is very naughty getting you all going like that. This story has been going round the internet for at least 3 years, still good for a laugh of course.