General Chat

Romany Star - we were away all yesterday, just seen your post. No, I would not go public, as my bm is still alive. It is my plan to contact the newspapers in her area, after her demise, if anyone has any info about my birth father.

Like Steven, you get near a door, which appears to be opening, and then it shuts in your face. I hope he get the information he is looking for.

My children still see their birth father, fortunately he & I are good friends -we accept we just wandered apart! My girls are also very close to their stepbrothers.
Thankfully, my daughter has the same attitude with her daughter and her daughter's father.
Grand daughter sees her father and his son (her half brother) at least once a week, and fully understands that, though he is a pain in the proverbial, (due to his age) he is as close to her genetically as her 2 brothers by her (wonderful) stepfather.
Grand daughter's father and his twin brother were abandoned by their mother, who disappeared with their elder sister when they were 5.
They haven't seen them since, and their father was a pretty useless parent.
I've found his mother on FR, (accidentally, just by 'pootling' - look up birth - find name-then, knowing where she was brought up, look at schools), but haven't found the right time to tell him, knowing how he feels.

I have a lot to thank my daughter's ex for - her pregnancy gave her back to me, (she was living a hedonistic life), and gave me the most wonderful grand daughter.

Back to Steven, though. Grand daughter's father knows nothing about his mother - it would have been nice if his father could have acknowledged her existence. As a woman, it makes me ask why he didn't - who was 'at fault'?etc)

I think any detail of an abandoned child should be recorded and given to the child.

Angelsong, have you ever considered going public (newspapers or womens magazines) to ask if anyone knows about your background? It might be an idea. x

Kay - I have had two attempts to find my adoption and court records from 1943. The adoption records were from the Church Adoption agency, who told me that they had been lost in a fire.

The court records I have been told were also destroyed. perhaps in more recent times records are kept more carefully, but during the war, I presume to my frustration, that things were different.

I have spoken recently to an adoption officer, who has told me that there was often very little recorded about the baby's background.

However, I am not attempting to hijack this thread about Steven. Let us hope that he is able to find his background.

No court papers on adoption are ever destroyed! Social Services file which have the finer details *may*get* lost* by the constant shifting from place to place and stored out of county and any records are duely recorded as their whereabouts but these notes go astray for the same reasons,,its lack of time & funds that make it easier to say by departments they have been lost >!!

You need to know your background, even though it is a big disappointment, at least you know who you are and where you came from.

Steven's relationship to his little girl is so special, his first blood relative, it means such a lot.

There is such a draw to blood lines, I feel it strongly each time I am in contact with my cousins, or go to the place I would have grown up in, had adoption not been the outcome of my birth.

I felt very angry that the few pieces of police evidence had been destroyed, they were an essential part of Steven's early days. But the people who have been involved would have had no idea what they were getting rid of.

I speak from experience, all my adoption papers and court records were lost/destroyed, and countless other adoptees will have been in the same boat.

RS
Sadly sometimes in those situations the birth father is virtually wiped from memory and photos destroyed. I know at least 2 adults, in seperate families,who have struggled to find photos of their birth father, after being adopted by a stepfather.

Ive always thought its wonderful when people are adopted into loving families and very gracious of the adoptive parents to say they would like to thank the birth parents for their child. So much is put into place (nowdays); safekeeping baby photos, baby clothing, respecting cultural and religious views, possibly even seeing siblings or grandparents. But when a child is adopted by a stepfather nothing is done, its presumed the mother will ensure the child is kept safe and cared for.

I watched my recording last evening and I think he has turned out to be a nice lad regardless of who his birth parents are. I am glad he had such good adoptive parents and now has a family of his own.
It was good that he met the other abandoned people and also that he was able to talk to the detective who was involved with Baby Jack so that she will write a letter about him being found and will leave it for him to read as he gets older. Maybe Stephen and some of the other 'abandoned babies' could start a support group for each other and for babies recently abandoned to link into as they grow up. It might help all of them and if there was a website, a mother thinking about her child she left, might make contact through it too.
I do hope that the programme being shown will urge his mother or someone who knows her and about the baby, to make contact with him, if only to give him some answers.

I was sad that one woman found a half brother who had also been abandoned, it seems awful that the woman did it twice, and maybe even more than that.

All power to the lad and all children who don't know who they are.
There must be many children too who have been adopted and not told, who suddenly find out when their parents die, and have no way of tracing their real roots.

I am so glad I know where I came from and such. My o.h. has been told by his father that a great aunt suddenly dropped the comment into conversation some years back, that her father was adopted. O.h.'s father doesn't seem too bothered but it means they can't trace the family back far especially as the name was Smith!

Lizx

my thought was even now if for some reason the mother could still not come forword i hope she was watching the program so she could see how well her son was doing and i hope she will be evey prod of him for doing so well

I watched it and felt so sad for him in some ways. In other ways I felt he's had a good life since, with adoptive parents who love him very much and he is now happy and settled with a partner and little girl. He's turned out to be a smashing young man, despite his early abandonment, and I do wonder if it would be a good thing now for him to find out who his birth mother is. I suppose it would be, even if he is disappointed. At least he would know where he came from and, hopefully, be able to move on to a future happier life with that knowledge.

He seemed to think there may be an Irish connection and his DNA profile suggested that too.
Wonder if the programme and the newspaper article will be seen in Ireland otherwise his birth mum may not know of his search now.
If she was a young unmarried girl who thought abandoning was the only answer would guess she wont find it easy .if at all. to come forward now.

His suggestion that all abandoned children should have an album started on them at the time, and kept up to date will all the info and searches together with any articles found with them ,is a very good idea for when the child gets older to give them some idea of their early life.

One cant imagine what the impact is to be abandoned when you had a family childhood yourself. Even as a WW 2 evacuee I always knew where & who my parents were even tho i went away in Sept 1939 and came home finally in Jan 1946.

I don't think I had previously realised what impact it must have on one's life to not know where you were born... It is the essence of so many of our ancestor searches, we declare it on birth certificates, passports and census and take it for granted and yet the poor man doesn't know.
Amazing story about the lady who found a brother.... what a chance in a million. That must have been a double edged event, - joy at finding a sibling, but perhaps a certain level of anger that the mother abandoned at least two children....Quite different to adoption, I'd agree.

Gwyn

I watched it too.
You never know,his Mum might turn up yet. He has some strong features,so somebody may come up with a name/area.
When was it in the paper does anyone know?

Marion

I have just watched the programme on BBC iplayer. So feel for Steven, every avenue he explored was a dead end, and I have gone through similar searching for my birth father.

As has been said, abandonment is totally different to adoption.

i watch it last nite so will not give anythink away

but it was very intresting and good to watch

I taped it and forgot about it, thanks for reminding me. Im so interested in cases like this.

I have recorded it to watch tomorrow.

Lizx

There was an article in the Sunday supplement about it...........the poor mother must have been in a terrible state to leave him like that.

Just got OH to put in on record, as he`s watching the footie tonight...


Nicky

On tonight.

Gwyn