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So we had our annnual MOT,s yestaday

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it Report 16 Mar 2013 16:08

Why am feeling a bit despondent cos all our bloods were OK

Michael is on even keel with his medication AND we have both lost some weight from last years MOT not a lot but in the right direction.

Its almost I am in limbo . Michael is 79 and me 76 so coming up to the ages our parents passed. Its almost thinking we are on our last legs. Frightens the hell out of me to lose him and for me to go

Am I being a bit silly ?? :-(


AnnCardiff Report 16 Mar 2013 16:11

course not - it's an awful thing to contemplate, as I know all too well

Gwyn in Kent

Gwyn in Kent Report 16 Mar 2013 16:14

Not silly Shirley, but probably worrying without cause.
All the signs sound positive and in your favour, so just enjoy each day as it comes.

I have already had 10 more years than did my brother and am about the age that Dad was when he died, but.... I am hopeful that my mother's genes will have a stronger influence and she died at 94, so I've decided not to be too concerned about ages, as long as everything seems to still be ticking over OK.


Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it Report 16 Mar 2013 16:36

I know i am being a bit ?? but the thought of not being fills me with panic.

Michael is ticking over OK at the mo but I do worry if I go and leave him in limbo. we have been married 56 years and I know he relies on me to do all the necessary day to day things.

His parents were in there 80,s and mine in their 70,s when they passed but on both sides were smokers which we have never been so hope that is in our favour.

i guess it may just be a wake up call for our age and to know we cant go on forever .

Doesnt help me tho with my panic thoughts .

Perhaps I need a chill pill :-(


wisechild Report 16 Mar 2013 17:11

Know how you feel Shirley. I´m 68 & my Dad & grandfather both died at 69 although my mother was 83.
I just can´t quite believe that time will not go on indefinitely, & that what I have left is limited.
I have mini panics about it too, although I never mention it to my OH.

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it Report 16 Mar 2013 17:25

So guess us all get the panics. I know we wont be immortal but just the thought get me in a panic, Have often said i wish I hadn't been born so I wont die BUT then wouldn't have had the love of a big family ,a big fragmented from WW2 but had lovely spouses children etc .

All part of life's rich pattern I guess .

Am clinging on to when the time comes I have had enough and want to let go

Gwyn in Kent

Gwyn in Kent Report 16 Mar 2013 17:33

Please don't let your worry spoil your todays.

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
? Corrie ten Boom

As you are a carer though, I can understand your concern.



AnnCardiff Report 16 Mar 2013 17:47

you''get through it Shirley and you'll cope - believe me - I used to sit and look at Lawrence knowing that soon he would no longer be with me - it was hard, but I got through it - had to - I have a lovely son - had to be strong for him if nothing else


AnninGlos Report 16 Mar 2013 18:00

I think we all have these feelings as we get older. I have no fear of dying but can get quite desperate at the thought of being left by my OH. However, people like Ann C and others I know have survived so I am sure I would. For myself I have more fear of having some awful disease or illness and suffering before I die. But reason tells me that could happen at any age.
Then I remember what my son always tells me. There is no use worrying until you know what you are worrying about.

So, I think, Shirley, let us enjoy every day we are given until we have something to worry about. (and I do realise that as your OH's carer it is more difficult for you. But do go on making memories for you both to look back on when times get hard for you.) And I hope that you (and we) have many more years to enjoy.
Glad your blood tests were all ok anyway.


ButtercupFields Report 16 Mar 2013 18:15

Congratulations on the positive tests, Shirley, and you are not being silly. I think most of us 'mature' folks have these moments of panic but AnnGlos is right...try and enjoy what you have now and just hope for the best. I find it helps to discuss it with friends...which is what you are doing right helps to know you are not alone with those kind of fears :-) <3


GinN Report 16 Mar 2013 18:16

Shirley, just enjoy each day as it comes, and try not to think about how long you both have left. You both sound pretty well, and people are increasingly living longer.
Just enjoy your lives, worry is negative. :-)


Suzanne Report 16 Mar 2013 23:21

im at the other end of the line shirley

im nearly 50 eldest of four,mum and dad are still with me and i know im lucky to still have both of them.

mums nearly 73 and in great health,shes always looked after herself and would pass for a woman 15yrs younger, dads 72 and has had serious heart problems for 20yrs, four heart attacks and seven stents,hes living on borrowed time and looks frail,but hes still here,enjoying his great grandchildren(he adores them,and sees them all daily) he refused to give up his very well paid job even after the forth heart attack and only retired when mum gave him an ultimatum .....i know how you feel about your hubby,i feel it every day,but when the day comes,i will be thank full that ive had my parents for so long. :-)

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 17 Mar 2013 06:49

Shirley, try to put those feelings aside and live each day as it comes. I know you have worries for your hubby but sounds as tho he is doing ok, and you too. My Mum used to worry all the time about everything, I used to tell her I was sure she would worry if she had nothing to worry about if you get me, she fretted herself in to such a state, and had three heart attacks. I used to be a worrier like her but managed to let it go, don't ask me how. I mean I do feel concerned that I might not make old bones but there is no real reason for that, both my parents were 79 when they died 5 yrs apart, Mum had been Dad's carer for a short time but coped ok without him altho she got lonely sometimes, we visited every week at least once and spoke on the phone nearly every day, she had lovely neighbours who would pop in, and was waiting for a sheltered bungalow for a year before she died. She even worried about the decision she would have to make if one became available as she had lived in the house from new, a council owned one that we got when I was a toddler, so it was our family home for 45 years.

I am not afraid of dying but do worry about leaving my son as he has few close family members and isn't really settled yet altho he and his girlfriend are hoping to get a flat together this year, as soon as they can find an exchange with his one bed one, as she has a little boy.

Maybe if you start to worry, give yourself ten minutes and then say to yourself,that's enough for today, what can I do that's enjoyable or time consuming to take my mind off the thoughts.

Just try and make sure you have all the necessary paperwork in order so your family know what's what and they aren't left with lots to sort out.

I have written down my wishes and have made a will, now to sort out all my hoarding lol

take care, hope you both will be around for a long time yet


Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it Report 17 Mar 2013 07:44

Thank you all for the kind words .was me having a worry time that I usually keep to myself so its nice to unload and get some lovely helpful thoughts back.

We made our wills some time ago and they areup to date plus just recently hubby did a power of attorney with me as administrator should he get unable to cope .

I do get myself in a tizz then say that's enough you aren't going to think about that . Mum used to say worrying about what might be might never be so its a waste of energy . She s right .

Have pulled myself together again . Onwards and upwards. Lol :-D


BrendafromWales Report 17 Mar 2013 09:20

Like AnnC I live alone and lost my husband almost 2 years ago after caring for him for 5 years.
I understand completely you unloading....we all need this...a friend of mine who supported me...only by phone ,as she now lives about 100 miles away....well she is the one needing to unload to me.
Family don't always understand.but we can't keep complaining to them.
Believe me,it isn't easy,but if you try to keep strong and enjoy every minute..laugh a lot you will get through.
I am 77 almost 78but I believe that we have to take everyday as it comes .
Unload as much as you want to Shirley,we are here for you. X x


Sharron Report 17 Mar 2013 10:41

Just because he relies on you to do everything doesn't necessarily mean he can't do them if he has to.

What ever happens,you can't influence it by worrying so stop doing it, it is wasting precious time when you could be enjoying what you have now.


OneFootInTheGrave Report 17 Mar 2013 10:45

Shirley - You are not being silly at all, I think most of us from the time we reach that age where we get our bus pass and state pension start to wonder what the future holds for us and how many years we have left, I certainly do.

There is not a day passes that I do recall that my father was 58 when he passed away, my mother was 68 when she passed away, and that my brother was 64 when he passed away, all after long illnesses. I will be 70 later this year and a diabetic with heart and cardiovascular problems who is dependent on insulin and numerous other medications.

My screen name says it all and I regularly joke that when I go I will put my body up for sale on e-bay as children's rattle :-D

Life is for living today, not yesterday, not tomorrow, worrying about the past or the future are not in the equation as we cannot change the past and we do not know what tomorrow will bring.

For me, worrying about tomorrow is not going to help me enjoy today, so I just take each day as it comes and enjoy it as much as I possibly can and when I go to bed at night I say "Thank you Lord for another beautiful day, goodnight :-)

As for tomorrow, this poem by Michael Macksays it all :-)

Tomorrow smile at someone
That you've never seen before.
Take time to think of others that
You feel compassion for.

Tomorrow tell somebody
How they brighten up your day.
Let random acts of kindness
Put your feelings on display.

Tomorrow hug your children
Somewhat tighter than before.
Be sure to think of all the things
You can be thankful for.

Pat your dog a little longer.
Hug and kiss your husband/wife.
Thank your God for granting you
Another day of life.

Shirley and Michael I wish you both many more happy years together - God Bless you both :-)

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it

Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it Report 17 Mar 2013 14:47

I dont wait on OH hand & foot& I do encourage him to do what he can. He looks after his personal hygiene and does his house chores he elected to do like loading the dishwasher and setting it up for the overnight wash and then emptying it and putting the crocks away . He will wash up what cant go in the dishwasher and wipe down the work surfaces BUT he doesn't see runs he has made down cupboard fronts with his tea bags or the drips on the floor.

Have often to to tell him his zip is undone and he doesnt want to scare the old ladies lol..

When he struggles for his words I try to give him clues or go around it another way so his brain can find the word. When the nurse phoned to make our appointment I was at the hairdressers . He told the nurse you need to speak to the wife !! she is at the place they cut hair ?? and the nurse said hairdresser . He knows what he wants to say but cant always find the word.

I am a worrier I know and a do worry he may be on his own , His condition is terminal but the meds are to slow down the deterioration .

We make light of his memory for words and I too can often not come up with names or words for something and we laugh and I say I,m getting as bad as you!

Its his short term memory that is affected he can often come up with long forgotten things that I had forgotten

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 18 Mar 2013 07:08

See Shirley, you balance each other out lol

Hope you and o.h. can keep each other company for a long while yet



Robert Report 18 Mar 2013 12:45

None of my family -Parents, brothers - lived past their 50's but i am 82.

Do I think about it? Yes.

Do I worry about it? NO.