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Bad childhood jokes

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Dermot

Dermot Report 9 Jul 2019 13:53

"We've got a new toaster", said the little boy to his friend. "It's really clever. When the toast is done, a bell rings".

"Ours is better", says the friend. "When the toast's done, it sends out smoke signals".

LaGooner

LaGooner Report 9 Jul 2019 13:21

What do you call a sleepwalking nun

A roaming catholic :-D :-D

Tawny

Tawny Report 9 Jul 2019 08:16

What goes 99 plonk?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

Dermot

Dermot Report 5 Jul 2019 06:35

When did the future begin?  :-S

Allan

Allan Report 4 Jul 2019 22:07

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band but left after I got bored.

It was just one ting after another

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 1 Jul 2019 20:13

another Rabbi praying a the wailing wall was asked by a naive tourist what he was doing,

praying for peace, in the middle east he says.

"And hows it going?"

Just like banging your head against a brick wall he replied!

Sharron

Sharron Report 30 Jun 2019 18:08

How to deal with a troublesome polar bear.

Polar bears love frozen peas so you cut a hole in the ice and sprinkle the frozen peas around the hole.

Then, when the polar bear comes down for a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

Dermot

Dermot Report 30 Jun 2019 17:57

Chemistry teacher to pupil: 'What's the chemical composition of water'?
Pupil: H, I, J, K, L, M. N, O'.

Teacher: "Gosh, whatever gave you that idea?"

Pupil: "You said so yesterday'. 'You said water was H to O'.

Allan

Allan Report 29 Jun 2019 22:10

I was reading the other day about a drunken Rabbi who carried out several circumcisions..

He eventually got the sack

Dermot

Dermot Report 28 Jun 2019 19:13

Teacher to pupil: "You missed school yesterday, didn't you?

Pupil: "Yes, but not very much!

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 19 Jun 2019 22:11

A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir ".

Allan

Allan Report 16 Jun 2019 10:10

The person who invented Velcro died yesterday. RIP

Dermot

Dermot Report 12 Jun 2019 21:10

If a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?

Tawny

Tawny Report 12 Jun 2019 12:25

One One was racehorse Two Two was one too. When One One won one race Two Two won one too.

Tawny

Tawny Report 12 Jun 2019 12:23

An inflatable boy goes to his inflatable school and the first lesson of the day is taught by his inflatable headmaster. At break time the inflatable boy takes a drawing pin and starts sticking it in to everything. The inflatable headmaster comes over to speak to the inflatable boy “I’m very disappointed in you boy. You let yourself down, you let me down in-fact you let the whole school down”.

Allan

Allan Report 11 Jun 2019 21:56

Does any one remember my joke about my spine? I think it was about a weak back

Dermot

Dermot Report 11 Jun 2019 19:18

A group of youngsters were having lunch at an open-air restaurant when it started raining really heavily.

It took them two hours to finish their soup.

Allan

Allan Report 6 Jun 2019 22:00

I’ve just bumped into the man who sold me an antique globe . It’s a small world!

Dermot

Dermot Report 6 Jun 2019 19:23

My dad heard that most accidents happen within two miles of home.

So he wants to move.

Allan

Allan Report 5 Jun 2019 21:43

My son is now at a age where he is curious about the human body, so I guess I’ll have to move it out of the house and bury it.