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Bad childhood jokes

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Dermot

Dermot Report 5 May 2019 08:54

If I want to hear the patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on the cat.

Allan

Allan Report 5 May 2019 00:20

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?


A stick

Dermot

Dermot Report 25 Apr 2019 06:12

Why do polar bears have fur coats?

Because they would look silly in anoraks.

Allan

Allan Report 25 Apr 2019 03:12

How do you start a milk pudding race?


Sago

Allan

Allan Report 15 Apr 2019 21:50

My Doctor has just prescribed some gloating cream for me.

I can't wait to rub it in

Dermot

Dermot Report 12 Apr 2019 14:05

Children brighten up the home They never turn the lights off.

Allan

Allan Report 12 Apr 2019 11:23

My best friend never married but he had a few near Mrs




Caroline

Caroline Report 11 Apr 2019 18:51

:-D :-D

Dermot

Dermot Report 11 Apr 2019 11:44

Insanity is hereditary. You can get it from your children.

Allan

Allan Report 10 Apr 2019 21:40

Two lorries carrying cheese have crashed on the motorway which has been close until further notice because de brie is everywhere

Dermot

Dermot Report 10 Apr 2019 16:34

Q - "Why is the new baby just like Daddy?"

A - "It is bald, sleepy & uneducated".

David

David Report 10 Apr 2019 13:26


Adultery is a sin, You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

Dermot

Dermot Report 8 Apr 2019 14:14

So near - yet sofa.

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 1 Apr 2019 11:57

A lorry containing "Vick" has overturned on the M25 spilling its load all over...

police estimate that the road will be congestion free for several hours yet!!

Allan

Allan Report 31 Mar 2019 23:05

My new next door neighbour is a Russian Uber taxi driver, Pikup Andropov

Dermot

Dermot Report 31 Mar 2019 16:40

"I was raised by just my mum. See, my dad died when I was eight years old.

At least, that's what he told us in the letter".

Allan

Allan Report 24 Mar 2019 09:47

Mummy, mummy, can I lick the bowl out?

No! You can flush, it just like everyone else.

Dermot

Dermot Report 24 Mar 2019 06:47

"Mummy, mummy! What's a werewolf?"

"Be quiet & go comb your face".

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 24 Mar 2019 01:46

Was accosted by a foreign gentleman that was a pound short of his airfare home......
gave him a tenner and suggested he take 9 others with him!....

Allan

Allan Report 23 Mar 2019 21:20

Perhaps not in the best of taste, but I did find this one funny. That says a lot about my sense of humour and also my mentality :-D :-D

I recently met a very attractive homeless woman and asked if I could take her home.

You should have seen her face light up as she said yes.

You should have seen how her expression changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.