Genealogy Chat

Giles, If you don,t want people to contact you on a certain surname ,why do you have your tree on genes ? Cath

It is relevant to follow a partners tree as you have children and family in common, I even have a file for my first husbands family as it is the other half of my sons heritage.

Cath, There seems to be many dubious reasons why people contact other people on Genes Reunited, which might explain why certain members become paranoid about sharing their tree with certain other members, especially sharing data on living relatives. Some people expect access to your tree because they have the same surname as you. This is the wrong attitude. But saying this, I don't mind sharing my tree with anyone because they could do a lot more damage by finding my name on the electoral role (good thing I have an electric fence), so am I worried about them knowing my Mother's date of birth etc? If I send a stranger my GEDCOM file then there's nothing he can do with that data that will affect me. But I can understand why other people are reluctant to share information to somebody whose lazily asking about merely a surname; why should they share their research with somebody who might only remotely be related? You got more chance of winning the lottery... I have my tree on Genes Reunited, so I can either make contact with close relations or research my ancestors with help from a distant cousin whose atleast got some of the same individuals in their tree as me.

I take the point re contacting about an individual rather than a surname but surely as long as the name is not too common and the place is the same this is what GR is all about - finding possible links and following them up. I am always happy to receive this sort of message and reply offering what info I already have or promising to keep their interest on file. On occasion although the names and dates haven't immedieately matched up we have found a link when we have shared information. You say ' but in my tree, they always turn out to be ancestors of some uncle/cousin's partner! And what does this mean? It means the person contacting me has not researched their tree enough to include all siblings/descendants from each generation.' Well sorry but a) we would have no way of knowing whether these ancestors were your direct relations or not without contacting you and b) There is no rule that we must research all siblings and descendants before contacting people on GR - in fact wouldn't that rather defeat the object of joing a site aimed at sharing research? I have actually already traced a large number of siblings and their descendants (hence the 1400+ names on here and the 2600 on my files) but I know that I couldn't have found many of these without the contacts I have made online and through Family History societies (which by the way usually list members interests by surname and place NOT by individuals) and am still finding connections and sharing information.

Giles, With no offence meant or implied. You must get plenty of message enquiries to be miffed. Poeple on this site who have helped me get 'back' as far as I have will know how desperate one can get to step into the next generation. I believe I understand how others may feel. I agree that random messages would annoy, but, consider that not all can be as succinct with requests, so some will in effect 'shotgun' the name. Personally I tailor every message I send for whatever name. Apart from a few unreplied, I have only ever received polite and explanative answers. Good searching and by the way, If you do come accross Thomas Cooke begat Thomas Cooke 1790-1800 Derby/Notts or thereabouts. Please message. Best regards, Bob

Nelly, There is reason for researching your tree as a favor to your own husband, and for future reference to your children with him, but I'm on about researching a partner's ancestors high up in your tree. Some people are trying to map out the entire world, by researching their ancestors and all partners along the way! For example, do you really need to know about your great uncle's wife's mother? I should have re-phrased what I said, but it goes back to my opening post about people contacting me about a set of relations with the same surname that end up being related to a partner in my tree, but 1 or 2 generations above!

Giles, I didn,t know any of my blood relatives exsisted untill i joined genes and without me asking the sort of question you are complaining about i would never have know that i have any living relatives . My father left when i was only 3 yrs old and my mother never mentioned his family ,she died young so couldn,t ask . So now you know why some times members do ask that sort of question Cath

You asked a lot of questions about what , how and who... one in particular about '.... ' do you really need to know about your great uncle's wife's mother'..... well, I for one would, if I have nothing better to do, because now and again, someone has contacted me and I have been able to give them that information that they asked for..... Only night before last, a lady left a message on Records and when I looked at it, I remembered coming across this name early on in my search for one of my rellies.... I was able to find him, his wife and their 6 children, 2 of their marriages and their wives for her. She was very pleased with the info.... should I have said... you are wasting my time to her? Anne :)))

Giles, The best advise I can give you,,,,is relpy to your contacts and tell them you dont give out information on your tree,,,why not buy a home Family Tree Maker to store your information then you will have no need to put it on this site, kay,

I think you have probably forgotten it is not necessarily the destination but the journey that is important. I have contacted a couple of people with surnames in common mostly very rare surnames. Some have paid off and we are actually related and helped each other with research. Others are not related and it is nice to eliminate them but more important is the people that you meet along the way. My ancestors are long dead and gone but some of the people that I have had contact with have been lovely and enriched my experience of life. So stop being miserable and and get on with it. Pippa PS This is suppose to be the tips board so where is the tip?

Well, my tip is, that if Giles doesn't want to play ball with us, then he should leave us to get on with the game!! Anne :)) PS>>> If anyone wishes any info from me, please feel free to ask and it will be given if I have it.... with pleasure. xxx

Pippa , The tip is never contact a Giles Gaffney, you might get you head bitten off. Cath

>>'a) we would have no way of knowing whether these ancestors were your direct relations or not without contacting you' The point I'm making is that the people named usually turn out to be 1 or 2 generations higher, plus if they were related by blood, I would have already made contact based on an individual in their tree. You have to think about it logically... Somebody searching for their blood relations, but only asking about a surname in another member's tree, based on the same birth place will only result in 1 of 2 outcomes. They're either related to a partner's ancestors in your tree by 1 or more generations difference, or there's no connection at all. Either way, the connection will never be by blood. I've had this happen to me too many times. >>'and b) There is no rule that we must research all siblings and descendants before contacting people on GR - in fact wouldn't that rather defeat the object of joing a site aimed at sharing research?' True! I can contact somebody on this forum about a lookup, and they may wish to help with this favour, or exchange lookups etc. However, if you want to contact somebody about a surname in their tree from the same area then it saves time if you first research your ancestor's siblings/descendants using the BMD index and Censuses before contacting somebody about a possible connection. If they do have ancestors from the same area who are related then you should atleast come across 1 or 2 of the same individuals from your own research. If you can't match an individual then it means either you haven't worked hard enough to find a connection, there's no available evidence to prove a connection, you are only related to a partner's ancestors in their tree, or there is no relation at all. Trust me, all the genuine people who've contact me, has always been about an individual in my tree - never a surname!

For example, do you really need to know about your great uncle's wife's mother? The answer is YES - most definately. After all your direct/blood relative as you so like to call it very well knew this great uncles wifes mother and if you don't even bother looking at that side then you may miss something in relation to your tree. I have managed to break through brick walls were I have been really stuck by looking down these so called lines. Even finding the elusive ancestor staying with what you would call your great uncle wife's mother. So in my opinion if you ancestor knew was related to them whether blood or not of course you would want to know about them, it may give vital information you need.

victor Meldrew! I for one am very glad when I see a little message saying I have 1 new message, It matters not a Jot to me that we may not be related somewhere down the line, I am not only interested in a direct line to my forefathers but also cousins and 2nd cousins and 3rd cousins who may also be doing their own tree, As my Mothers family is from northern Ireland I grew up knowing my second cousins , my mother was one of 8 children, my gran one of 1 and my grandad 1 of 15, We all in one small way or another, know who we all married and what are children are called , We may all live in different parts of the world now, but if they are tracing the same family as I am, then its still family in My opinion, no matter how distant , people have to start somewhere, and when I first started using genes I didnt have a clue about how to look up censuses or BMD's , I just wanted a kick start to see if anybody else 'may ' have the same people in their tree as was in mine, and Yes I did pm a few people to ask them a fairly short question, ' did your so and so marry so and so, or can you tell me a little about 'xyz' I think there 'may' be a connection, but there you go, I am one of lifes people persons! If you dont like it, remove your tree, or use another programme which isn't so public,

How close do you consider related Giles? You say sometimes people are only REMOTELY related to you...is'nt that enough? Why dont you just join the band of 'NO' if you feel so strongly? Jess

How close do you consider related Giles? You say sometimes people are only REMOTELY related to you...is'nt that enough? Say my grandmothes sister married a Gaffney- would you consider that appropriate? Why dont you just join the band of 'NO' if you feel so strongly? Jess

Tracey, I'm also pleased when I see '1 new Message' with the subject 'John James Smith', thinking somebody has made a connection with that particular individual in my tree, but then I read it and they start talking about the Smiths in general and mention a 'Luke Smith' in their tree, and ask if there's a connection! :/ What a let down... Whereas, if somebody asks 'I have a John James Smith in my tree born roughly same year and place'. I can check that individual in the BMD index/census, and perhaps rule him out based on the children etc. I enjoy the close shaves, and it's very rewarding when you do make contact with a genuine relation.

A normal family tree should include any blood relations, including their partners along the way. If you start researching all the partner's ancestors as well then that is crazy in my opinion. You will be there forever... I only have a relation's partner in my tree to help determine the relationship of their children, hence map out their descendants and put them into context with the correct mother, but I would never research their ancestors. Some genuine relations I've met on Genes Reunited go to the other extreme, and are only interested in their main line, ignoring all other blood relations. For example, they would only be researching people on their father's side. Personally, I would think the maternal line was more important, but really everyone with the same blood is equal in my tree. One day, I would love to get a DNA test done with a distant cousin to test if our research was successfull!

I'm sorry Giles but isn't that what GR is all about??? it's not just some free program to build your tree on it's here for people to contact each-other to help each-other to broaden there tree ok so some could be a bit more specific about who they want to inquire about but we've all hit a brick wall at some point or another and sometimes these random calls help get over such problems. Martin open to any contact