General Chat

Hi Wendy
I can see how hurt you are my advice is simple.
1 no one can love you if you dont love yourself
The most important thing you need to get out of this is that you are a valuable person who deserves love and respect,even if it means seeing a counsellor or a life coach for yourself you MUST do this,

you are not a bad person you have simply made a poor choice,its not about YOUR character it is about HIS.
he moved from a crummy bedsit in with you to be provided for and now hes wandered off to pastures green for someone else to provide for him.(read provide as in SPONGE off)
I realise it dosent sound nice when it is written down but thats unfortunately what it looks like to me.
What the women has done isnt nice but actually she isnt relevant the flaws are all his.

Wether you take him back or not is solely up to you but the first advice still stands about you.
Good self esteem means you dont get taken for rides.
Take care
You will be ok
Regards Tania

I don't know what to say really - never ever been in that position but reading what Tania has posted, I think it's true and excellent advice - think she's read the situation perfectly, and everyone else who has posted on this thread has had something really valuable to contribute. All I can do is offer you my utter sympathy and hope you are able to find the strength to rise above it - as has been said, no faults seem to lie with you, you've done everything right and he's done everything wrong - your problems are now hers if he's with her - you may end up thanking her!!! Keep posting on here sweetheart, everyone is wishing you well

Ann XXXXX

Hi Wendy, hope you are managing to get some sleep.
You said you wrote him a letter saying you hoped he got love and respect, he deserved it, but you also said he doesn't respect you. Now I am in a difficult situation of my own making but not in my own home, you have the advantage, so stay strong and do not take him back unless he comes back with his tail between his legs and not like he is doing you a favour, and if he comes back and you take him back, arrange to go to relate or whatever it is called now, to work through this so he respects you in future. In fact, try and get an appointment now, as they will see people who are not together at the time, and it could help you deal with things better. Sometimes tho you have to wait a long time for an apptmt, don't know what it is like where you are.
You could give yourself a sort of time frame, in that if he has not made efforts to sort things out and make up to you for what he has done, then you pack his stuff and send it to him at work or ask him to fetch it from the garden on a certain day at a certain time. The end of June might be a good date, 12 days is long enough for him to decide what he wants to do. Just don't be a door mat, and set out ground rules if he comes back, i.e. that if things aren't right in six months then you will reconsider. You deserve better than the arguments and hassle so chin up, you haven't done a thing wrong only love him and if he can't see that and be happy, then you are best off without him. You picked yourself up once, you can do it again and you don't need a man living with you to make you happy, you can be happy on your own with your family around you.
Good luck, am usually about at night if you can't sleep and want to 'talk'

Lizx