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Should I listen to the family

ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Gillian Jennifer

Gillian Jennifer Report 29 Jun 2008 21:17

or get what I want.

Gillian Jennifer

Gillian Jennifer Report 29 Jun 2008 21:20

Kids been pressing me to buy Stephen a headstone. And yes maybe it is time, but, he has a wooden cross, made by hubby, and a lovely little boy holding a rabbit, (family thing) about two feet high. But pressure upon me, I have been looking. Found a lovely heart with an Angel to one side, thought it apt, as he is my angel, but family, well maybe, they think not traditional, but at the end of the day, Stephen was ot tradtional, what would you do??

₪ TeresaW elite empress of deleted threads&#

₪ TeresaW elite empress of deleted threads&# Report 29 Jun 2008 21:24

Maybe you should all look together and decide together. You all lost him, you all want something to remember him by, permanently.


AnninGlos Report 29 Jun 2008 21:28

Are there any restrictions in the cemetery? You don't want to spend the money and then find you can't use the stone. These days there do seem to be a lot of petty restrictions. One near us you can't use black marble like stone, another you can't have ornament like angels etc. Another you can't have artificial flowers (that may be the same one as the no ornaments one).



CMD Report 29 Jun 2008 21:29

Dear Gillian,
before you consider anything, I would check with the burial site to see if they allow certian headstones, I say this because there has been controversy at a couple of our local churchyards as to what they will allow..

having said that...who are the family? YOU ARE !
you do what your heart tells you..... He will be happy to know that you did things from your heart, and not cohearshed by others.....
cmd xxxx

Gillian Jennifer

Gillian Jennifer Report 29 Jun 2008 21:40

Thank you all, and yes Teresa, that would work if we could agree and we cannot. One thinks black is best, another likes the sandstone, another says it should be my choice, but I do not want to upset anybody. I ever wanted one as he seems so young, but needs be..

Gwyn in Kent

Gwyn in Kent Report 30 Jun 2008 17:05

Don't be pressured.
You still hold him close in your heart and his grave IS marked with the cross that your husband made.
It seems that you won't be able to please everyone now, so why not wait until you do feel that you are ready to think about a suitable stone, ...without pressure.



Izzy Report 30 Jun 2008 17:15

The wooden cross was made with love and care by your hubby, it means alot to Stephen to have something made with such care and love to mark his resting place. Could you not preserve the handmade cross.My hubby lost a brother at 6 months just over 36 years ago, we still tend the wooden cross his dad made at the time because the family could not afford a headstone back then, and i know Christopher appreciates the love it was made with.

Gillian Jennifer

Gillian Jennifer Report 30 Jun 2008 19:35

I have been quite happy with the cross but family think I should mark his grave properly, so I thought I would agree to this, to make them feel better, not knowing they all had different ideas. You see, I feel Stephen is young for a traditional gravestone, my own feelings, so I thought we could agree to differ. I would buy something to mark his grave for the family, but something less traditional, but as I say how can I please them all?

Sally Moonchild

Sally Moonchild Report 30 Jun 2008 19:42

Whatever decision you come to, I am sure he would be pleased with what you come up with, it will come from the heart, I know..........something will just jump out at you and say......yes, this is the one.......hope it comes along soon......x sally

Gillian Jennifer

Gillian Jennifer Report 30 Jun 2008 19:44

Thank you Sally, I hope you are right XX..


Kay???? Report 30 Jun 2008 19:46

Hard task to do Jennifer when all agree,,but its just a time to listen to each other then go with your hearts,

***Julie*Ann***.sprinkling fairydust***

***Julie*Ann***.sprinkling fairydust*** Report 30 Jun 2008 20:04

theres other options gillian
you could keep the cross and little boy with rabbit
and also in middle or at foot of grave maybe,
put a book with a poem on its open pages, and his name and date of birth and sister and brother of son of , details on other open page,

this is how a young childs grave is near mams, #
the book has brass pages and the words are engraved on it,
it looks lovely

Gillian Jennifer

Gillian Jennifer Report 30 Jun 2008 20:35

Thank you Julie Ann, love that idea.XX..


ann Report 30 Jun 2008 20:57

Hi Gillian,Will you add a photo of Stephen? When i visit nan and grandads grave there are so many in that cemetery with photos.Because they are buried where i was bought up i wander around and see lots of people i remember.Old neighbours and friends parents and grandparents.Brings back so many memories.I always have to have a chat about them. Annie

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 1 Jul 2008 02:21

Gillian, whatever you decide on, do get insurance cover set up, as with the awful vandalism these days it is a necessity. Dreadful to think headstones and memorial markers can be treated like this, but a sign of the times, sadly.
Hope you manage to decide on something everyone feels comfortable with and you feel is fitting.


Hilary Report 1 Jul 2008 06:36

Maybe you could say to the family that you would like to look at headstones together, not to buy at the moment but just to see what is there. Then you would get an idea of what you all like & dislike. Then sit back for a while to think on it. The cross you hold so dear to your heart could stay & just be moved to the bottom. Hopefully you can find one you all like.
Hilary. xx

Glenys the Menace!

Glenys the Menace! Report 1 Jul 2008 10:29

I wonder what Stephen would have liked ....... just a thought. :-))