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Are you a Keeper?????

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 9 Jul 2008 03:20

Island, that's the way threads go sometimes, they wander off the initial path but no need to be so unpleasant about it, it wasn't your thread to get shirty about and I haven't seen Brenda make a fuss.

Brenda from Wales

Brenda from Wales Report 7 Jul 2008 23:08

You certainly have beaten me with your Vacuum cleaners Huia.
I would say though that I had a 26 room seaside guest house in the 60's and 70's and my Hoover Senior did me proud and coped with all the sand that tramped into the house from the beach.
I replaced it with a Kirby about 9 years ago,and gave my old hoover,still working, to my eldest grandson when he moved into a flat.
I believe I am about the same vintage as you Huia,I am 73,but at times can feel 23,especially when like last week,I was on the beach flying kites with my younger grandchildren and 3 great granddaughters.I even managed to jump down from the high sea wall,but had to have a leg up from my son,as that was a bit too much.
I am very lucky to keep as well as I do to look after OH especially as I had cancer in my teens,and my mum was told I wouldn't ever have to work hard.Not done so bad so far!!!
Brenda x


Huia Report 7 Jul 2008 21:24

Brenda, I can beat you re vacuum cleaners! When we married 49 yrs ago we bought a reconditioned vac. It played up last year so we finally replaced it with a new one. Our son took the old one as an historic/vintage/antique, dont think he plans to use it though (I think it could be dangerous). It was an old Tellus and we always thought of it as a Dalek, same shape. I didnt use it much as we dont have carpets, so broom is easier.
BTW, I am not looking for sympathy re my OH. I merely mention it to explain to people my rather erratic behaviour at times.
Huia who seems to be roughly the same vintage as Brenda.

Brenda from Wales

Brenda from Wales Report 7 Jul 2008 14:46

None of my stuff goes to landfill.I have recently had to buy my OH a lift up bed,so asked around the family,and granddaughter bagged our old bed first!!
My daughter had the corner suite I bought in 1979,and they love it cos I looked after it,and it's better made than the new one I have!
I always ask the family first,as my charity begins at home.
Having been brought up during the war it was instilled into you to waste nothing,and this new warning from the PM about food waste....well......nothing is wasted in our house,us oldies could have told him that a long time ago.I save scraps in the freezer for my daughter's animals,and feed the birds with left over bits of bread,and peelings etc go in the compost.
I have had only 3 vacuum cleaners in over 50 years,not that they are not used,but always buy quality,and never bought anything I couldn't afford.
Island,I am sorry you are having to deal with someone else's clutter albeit your dad,and it must be daunting,but a lot of my "collection" is either sentimental,or worth something as an I am getting to be!!
Good luck with the sorting.would it be a good idea to use "freecycle".
Brenda x

Brenda from Wales

Brenda from Wales Report 7 Jul 2008 10:05

I would rather have my house looking like a home,with everyone welcome,and not a showpiece where you are afraid to sit down so as not to disturb the cushions,and taking shoes off at the door(unless they are muddy of course!)
As for minimalism,I think it looks cold and unwelcoming.
glad you found the key,Huia.
I'm sure that you aren't going the same way as your OH,it's just a senior moment that we are all allowed to have.Us women have to multitask!
Must go and do a bit of the H word,as I'm still clearing up after last week's invasion!
Brenda x


Huia Report 7 Jul 2008 01:59

Liz, your place cant look any worse than mine at present. I have hauled some of the cartons of junk out of the spare bedroom to go through and they have been sitting on the lounge floor for about a week now.
I forgot I had your email addy so will send you some photos later (got to put the meat in the oven then have a zzzz).

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 7 Jul 2008 00:57

Hi Dancing Dee, well I could come over lol cos I am positive I am a hundred times worse than you! Mine is considered a form of ocd!
You know what they say, a tidy house is the sign of a boring woman, or words to that effect lol

Huia, I am glad you found the key so you didn't have the hassle of getting the cap cut off etc. Get a duplicate cut now, and put it somewhere safe, but write in your diary or on the calender where that safe place is lol
Btw, calender from NZ is still in use, and is lovely, I think of you whenever I write on it, or glance at it. Thanks again for the pleasure it has given me, as well as being so useful. Now and again I have to remind myself that the special days or such don't apply to me over here lol
If you take a pic, send it to me please, as I can never get on next gen.


Huia Report 7 Jul 2008 00:40

I like that, Dancing Dee. That is me to a T.

Liz, I found the KEY this morning. It was in the corner of his raincoat pocket. I had felt the pockets several times but had missed it. I hope I am not going the same way as him. 2 of us in the house would be impossible. But then our son has enduring power of attorney over both of us so he would probably see that we got into a secure rest home when we were both incompetent.

The tree planting is very satisfactory. When I go back in a century or so I will see the forest I helped to create!

I might put a photo on the nextgen site so you can see.



Jackie Report 7 Jul 2008 00:09

I'm a hoarder, life can be CHAOS: Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome! I like to say I'm a SHE: Sidetracked Home Executive. lol

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 6 Jul 2008 23:49

Bless you Huia, what a star you are, and you have found a way of coping with Phil and his problem that suits you both, so hope it continues to be manageable. Glad you got out with the tree planting, you have done something that will last a long time, hopefully, and do good for all of us.
Hope the key turns up, my o.h. is already like that, losing things and forgetting things, which with the medical problems he has had recently, make me concerned. He has always been bad at recalling recent things even since we met, when he was 42, he is now 54 and getting worse, yet he can tell me small details about old pop records and such from years ago. He said recently about how bad his dad was getting but he is mid 70s and has had some t.i.a.s, but K. doesn't seem to realise he is getting as bad and he is more than 20 years younger! I know I wouldn't have the patience with him that you have with Phil.
Brenda, glad you will have the grandsons to help you make a space for the things from Spain, hope it all works out well and you can get the things home to keep your hubby happy, even if he won't sort them further.
Good luck.


Huia Report 6 Jul 2008 10:52

Off to bed now, I wait for him to go first so that I can check that things are locked up and all is well.


Huia Report 6 Jul 2008 10:49

Brenda, my OH is not the sort that has ever enjoyed social events.
I am coping fine. I find I am much more calm and tolerant since finding what his problem is. Previously if he couldnt find his glasses or diary or some such I would be a bit annoyed at having to look and usually I would pick up a bit of paper and there it was. Now instead of feeling annoyed I just calmly get up and find it for him.
I will certainly get help if and when I need it.

Brenda from Wales

Brenda from Wales Report 6 Jul 2008 09:43

Hope you manage to get your things sorted and in some order,probably the summer is the time to do it with the nice long evenings and warmer weather.
I asked my grown up grandsons to come over soon for the week-end and sort out our double garage with me,as there is no room for the car!....and when I DO bring back the stuff from Spain,it will have to go in there.The trouble with my OH is that he wants these things,but he won't sort them.He bought a machine to transfer his records,videos,etc to discs,and it's been in the box never opened for about 18 months,same with his stamp collection,he has loads of loose stamps to put into albums,and this is over many years,but never done.
Our place in Spain is not in an English speaking area,but I have a Scottish friend there who will help,so will go in the Autumn,hopefully when the weather is more to my liking.

These things are sent to try us....but the way I try to look at it is as a challenge not a problem,and when we have done it we will feel as though we have achieved something .
It might be good for you to talk to Linda McD,who has a similar situation as you.I have met her and OH a number of times and she is a lovely lady who seems to cope well with her OH.I know he goes to some social events with similar symptoms as him.To have a bit of support can be a tremendous help.
I know we are so far away,but sometimes it does you good to just talk.
Brenda x


Huia Report 6 Jul 2008 09:11

Liz, Phil did spend a few days with his sister some months ago when I had a lot of choir rehearsals and a concert but the next time I suggested it he was not keen. He forgets so easily.
Today we went to an Auckland Regional Park near the Firth of Thames and helped plant lots of trees. It was on a steep hillside mostly, hard on the back and the backs of the legs. Luckily he promised rain held off until we decided to head home after lunch. The others continued I presume until 3pm.
Tomorrow I have to try to find the key for the fuel cap on our vehicle, which he lost yesterday, dont know where, either in the service station (they say one wasnt handed in) or somewhere in the house or vehicle. If we cant find it we will have to get someone to remove the cap somehow and then we will have to buy a new locking one. I will have to watch Phil more carefully, or have a spare key.

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 6 Jul 2008 03:22

Good to see you are still planning to keep your o.h.s lol I guess you said for better or worse, and shame you have to cope with such difficulties but you hopefully had lots of better times to look back on and it isn't their fault they aren't as well as could be.

Brenda, have you got no one who would drive over to Spain and pick up the things your hubby wants so he could go through them himself? What about any of our members on here who live in Spain, are they near where your property is, so they could help you with the lawyers and the speed of their conversation etc. Must be a big worry for you.

Huia, hope your hubby will go to his sister's when you want a break, why not ask him to go for a few days, just so you get some time to yourself and so he realises how nice it would be for him too, then if you really needed him to go he might remember what it was like and that his sis enjoyed spending time with him, and he her.

My poor son is petrified I will die and leave him to sort out everything. It would cause him huge problems, so I am now going to make a real effort to get rid of lots of things and to at least box up and label stuff, saying what might be valuable and what can be burned or dumped or whatever. I have been lucky enough to find from this coming week, some more storage that is easily accessible, just ten mins drive from here, and not hugely expensive, so I will use that as a clearing house and only put things in there that are sorted. I tried to do that before with a rented garage when I was working part time, but to keep the peace I kept taking bags of stuff there to shut o.h. up and just filled it rather than making it sorted and organised, so I have to work on that garage and also take stuff from here, which will put o.h. in a better mood, but only when I can sort it straight into the relevant box or get rid. Then I can do it with things stored in my house too, and get that prepared for the grants folk to assess the heating needs, my central heating never worked properly,long story, so now I have to get it fixed on a grant. Then I can move back in to the house and leave this miserable devil I am with.
Cross your fingers for me that it doesn't prove too daunting for me.


Huia Report 6 Jul 2008 03:10

There is an Alzheimers support group, but I think they are more for advice than hands-on help. But I am fine at present. Plenty of time to worry about things when he gets really bad.

Brenda from Wales

Brenda from Wales Report 5 Jul 2008 21:02

We have a property in Spain that we haven't been able to get to for 18 months.As I said my OH is a collector,and he has boxes of records over there,and books galore,good hard back books,he says he wants them here,but now I am sort of planning to go over with a friend of mine,and get my daughter over here to look after him while I sort it out,which is a bit difficult for me as I have to deal with Spanish lawyers who are trying to sell our house.I can speak some Spanish,but suppose I.m a bit rusty,and certainly can't talk as fast as they do.It will have to be done sooner rather than later,but I try not to worry about it.
Like your OH he wouldn't even go to a hotel,so it has to be someone here to look after him.
I think that you will have to give your OH an "either or" and he will probably enjoy a change as well.
Are there any societies that can help as we have here for cases such as yours?


Huia Report 5 Jul 2008 20:40

I am lucky in that my sister in law has said she will have her brother any time I need a break. The only trouble is that one time when I suggested he stay with her for a few days he said he didnt want to impose. I assured him that she had said he was welcome there any time, but he was still reluctant. I dont know why, as she lives near a lovely long beach and they can go for a walk on it as often as they like, and he does like walking.
I will just have to be assertive if I want a holiday and tell him it is either his sisters place or a rest home (and he wouldnt want that!).

Brenda from Wales

Brenda from Wales Report 5 Jul 2008 11:47


I understand you completely.We have a neighbour,a lovely man who is the same and we can have conversations about things in the past,but what happened 5 minutes ago has completely gone.
I knew you were only joking,it is something I would say.
My OH is on oxygen 24 hours a day,and I have to do everything.He is an avid reader,and I go to the library and choose his books,10 at a time,and I'm always wondering if he has read them before,fortunately I have been lucky as he likes what I bring.
Have had the family here last week 4 from Oz and the rest from 90 miles away,and cooking for 17 has been a bit tough,and this week have felt a bit like having a rest,but there are still lots of things that have to be done,but us women seem to get on with it.OH has a cold at the moment,so needs an extra bit of TLC.

What would they do without us??

Take care,thinking of you,and I am sure that this site gives you the space that you need at times as it does with me.

Brenda x x


Huia Report 5 Jul 2008 09:49

Brenda, I am afraid my OHs forgetfulness is incurable. He was diagnosed with cerebral atrophy almost 2 yrs ago. His short term memory is getting very bad. I am his memory and his driver (he always said I drove him up the wall!) and thinker. But I wouldnt really put him up for auction. I am not that cruel, not that I think there would be many takers. They would have to be masochists.
He has been a good man in his time. I am just joking in some of my previous comments.