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explain please

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


Jackie Report 11 Jul 2008 22:55

Met a man 24 years ago convinced me he was the greatest thing on earth. Told me he couldnt live without me treated me like a princess for 22 years Waited 8 years gave him his daughter he yearned for she is now 16. Put on weight 2 years ago now treats me like dirt on his shoes has done for the last 2 years. Why I am still the soppy vunerable person who loves to help anyone above themselves, sad I know but why does weight change how a person perceives you please help

Hayley   Empress of Drama

Hayley Empress of Drama Report 11 Jul 2008 22:56

Nothing to do with your weight...he just takes you for granted..

Glenys the Menace!

Glenys the Menace! Report 11 Jul 2008 22:58

Jackie, just picture him on the toilet. :-))))

And keep your dignity, girl. He's lucky to have someone like you, and perhaps you should tell him that - NOW! *said in mumsy tone, lol*

♥ Kitty the Rubbish Cook ♥

♥ Kitty the Rubbish Cook ♥ Report 11 Jul 2008 22:58

Only your husband can truthfully answer that one and you need to make time to have a good long talk and tell him how you feel.

If talking is difficult, maybe you could write it down and let him read through how you feel at the moment.

~Mama*HOTLIPS* Rambo~

~Mama*HOTLIPS* Rambo~ Report 11 Jul 2008 23:02

Like Hayley said nothing to do with your weight Jackie... try not to do so much for him love, mine tried it a while back so I blew up with him and the kids cause they were as bad told them a few home truths and it worked wonders.

Basically I refused to do everything for them, I would wash clothes and pots when I felt like it, not bother to cook their meals, tidy/clean up as and when I wanted even if it was in the middle of them watching telly / playing on the playstation... I got in their way. They soon came round to my way.

Although each person is different, I knew how to hit home with my lot.

Good luck hopefully someone might have the right answer you are looking for.


Jackie Report 11 Jul 2008 23:07

Tried talking writing down how I feel he sees it as a weakness. I am me big or small, would love to leave walk away, but have to stay as my daughter deserves her mum

♥ Kitty the Rubbish Cook ♥

♥ Kitty the Rubbish Cook ♥ Report 11 Jul 2008 23:09

Your daughter deserves a happy Mum, not a sad and lonely one.

Fight your corner and refuse to be talked at by him or anyone else.

~Mama*HOTLIPS* Rambo~

~Mama*HOTLIPS* Rambo~ Report 11 Jul 2008 23:15

Jackie if you walk away your daughter will still have her mum and you will still have your daughter no matter what.

If you feel that bad about things try having a talk with your GP or someone who understands the prediciment you are in.

But can I just say loudly YOU ARE NOT A WEAK PERSON like you said you are you no matter how big or small you may be... you will always be bigger and stronger than him.

You have taken the first steps in trying to get help by coming here, hopefully some good will come from it.



Jackie Report 11 Jul 2008 23:16

your right I am now a sad lonely mum I am so lost I just wish I knew how to get the real Jackie back. God I must have depressed every one Iam so sorry


Foggy Report 11 Jul 2008 23:18

You also deserve respect irrespective of your size.
no man or woman should treat their partner with dis respect just because of their weight or size, but unfortunately it seems to be a problem for many people.
Sometimes people look but only see what is in front of them, they never look at the real person inside
don't be downtrodden Jackie, give him a piece of your mind.
good luck
Dave xx

Hayley   Empress of Drama

Hayley Empress of Drama Report 11 Jul 2008 23:20

Jackie....I have a nasty habit of bottling things up and then....just blow...when I feel I am being taken for granted....

My OH has seen me a size 18 and a size 12 never once has he tried to put me down...but it was me who felt unhappy with my size not him...and I who had lost my confidence and me who did something about it....

you an't depressed me...a problem shared is a problem halfed...


MargarettawasMargot Report 12 Jul 2008 07:23

Never forget the following things:

You are a very special,unique person.
Believe in yourself.
Respect yourself,and in turn demand respect from your husband.
Don't be a doormat for ANYONE to tread on.
Stand up for yourself.
Create your own boundaries.
Love yourself and accept all your faults.
Treat yourself as you would treat your own best friend, with love and respect.
Focus on your good points,ignore your faults.

I felt like you did at one time, Jackie,for over 20 years
actually,until I came across this quotation-

"I may not be perfect,but parts of me are excellent".

Those simple words gave me so much hope,& turned my life around completely.From being a sad,lonely,miserable person,I decided that I wasn't going to be a victim any longer. I put the above things into practice,and my whole world changed.
I went from feeling like a victim ("Why ME?") to
feeling and acting like a winner.Trust me,you can do it too,if you want to.It's all in the way you perceive yourself.I no longer comfort eat,binge eat,etc.I don't
need to do that anymore.I am very happy in my own skin,a lot more confident,& I even enjoy my own company.My life is

Good luck lovie,

Margot ((((((((((((((((((((lots of hugs for you)))))))))))))))


MargarettawasMargot Report 12 Jul 2008 09:15

Just realised that I should have added one of the most important things of all,which is-

Make a list of all the good things in your life.Focus on it.

Hope it helps.Sometimes the world can seem a very lonely,hopeless place,but it need not be.

xxxx Margot.


LadyBarbara Report 12 Jul 2008 09:32

I agee with you Jackie, we promised to love honour and in some cases obey, where does it say in the marriage ceremony that we can't put on a few pounds as we get older.
Tell him to go look in the mirror, He won't look the same as he did 22 years ago I bet.
Enjoy your life, and dwell on the good things, your daughter for one.

xx Barbara

Lin in Sussex

Lin in Sussex Report 12 Jul 2008 10:53

After many years of marriage and hearing my ex sing " I love you because you're fatand ugly "( to the tune of a Roy Orbison song) I decided that enough was enough !!!!
Its a cliche I know but we are only here for a relatively short amount of time and on that premis I decided that I wanted to be happy.
So I ended it...........divorced him ( we had joint custody of my two children ) took the kids and can honestly say I dont regret it at all.

Don't let the so and so grind you down, and I agree with what has been said about him not looking the same as he did 22 years ago !!!

Lin xx

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 23 Jul 2008 05:23

Jackie, do come back and talk to us again, we can make you smile again, all sorts on here, all shapes and sizes and attitudes but we will be there for you when you are down, till you can turn things round.

Lin in Sussex

Lin in Sussex Report 23 Jul 2008 06:15

Agree with everything Liz has said..........
So whenever you are ready Jackie.

Lin x


Terry Report 23 Jul 2008 06:36

Never wait for anything life is just to short to hang around in misery


Audrey Report 23 Jul 2008 06:43

You seem to be hung up on your size - well - do something about that. See your doctor about reducing weight or go to somewhere like Jenny Craig, Go to the gym also. I know it takes courage to make the first move but you will start to like yourself better and get more confidence as you achieve some weight loss and this helps you to keep going.

Then, when you feel you look good again, buy some new clothes, feel proud of yourself and then live your own life. Ignore him.

I was once in a bad situation and after some bad treatment I decided one of us was going to the wall AND IT WASN'T GOING TO BE ME.

It worked, now get going and do something for yourself, stop thinking about how he feels, just start feeling good about yourself.


ginqueen Report 23 Jul 2008 07:24

You should learn to love yourself warts and all, every morning look in the mirror and pick out one thing you like about yourself - I like the shape of my eyebrows this morning (!).

Tell him how they way he treats you makes you feel but if he doesn't change then think about whether it's worth staying.

He's in the wrong not you - good luck.

Linda (with quite nice eyebrows) :)