General Chat

Reading Pollypoppets post it reminded me of the first time I was invited to tea at OH parents.....

All was going well and I was sitting with OH on the settee and suddenly I spotted the biggest spider scuttling towards me from under the telly, on their multi-patterned carpet......

.....did no more than point at the thing and climbed up onto the settee, I was like some sort of gibbering idiot.......mind you they did laugh at me when they realised.....

N.............
a really funny thread.

Hi
When i was younger I started going out with this lad we had being going out for a while and he decided it was about time i met his parents
So they invited me over for Sunday dinner
On the Sunday lad picked me up I was feeling really nervous
anyway we arrived at his parents he introduced me and took my coat his mum went back to kitchen and he went off to hang up our coats leaving me and his dad in lounge
his father trying to make conversation said to me its windy isnt it referring to the weather
but not thinking I looked at him and said no its wendy ( as this is my name )
well i felt so stupid but it sure broke the ice and we all laughed about it

I have told this one before....

I was waiting in for a man to come and repair my cooker, but had to go to work,I decided that being that my hubby would be home in 20 mins I would take a chance and leave for work, as I ran down my drive I saw a small white van parked about 20 yards away from my drive, as I got nearer I could see the bloke in the van looking at some kind of paperwork.....He must be looking for me I thought as my place is a little off road and easy to miss...

I ran up to the van and shouted at him 'cooker'?
He wound down the window and I stuck my head through the open window 'are you looking for a cooker'
F*** OFF he told me and spead away???

It was only later that I realised that he must have thought I said HOOKER!!

A few years ago, I went to sleep in the dentist chair while they were waiting for the needle to kick in. I was very comfortable and very tired as well. I am a very heavy sleeper and hard to wake once asleep. I was so embarrassed when they finally managed to wake me, it was not the dentist but two ambulance people. They were really shaking me as well as taking blood pressure etc. I do have low blood pressure normally, a sleeping state makes it lower still, they wanted to cart me off to hospital. You have never seen anyone move so quick to get away from that dentist.

Never did get the filling I needed at the time, could not go back to the dentist.

Gail

Just home from visiting sick friend in hospital so these stories have helped cheer me up.
Later Amigos x

Oh heck... where do I start? Think I might have told this one before.

At a very posh *do* lots of young officers (very dishy) and us....oh, there were loads of higher-up officers, but as hubby had just been commissioned, we were sat at the fun end of the table, lol

I smoked in those days.... and very fussy, I was, at making sure I had a lighter to match my outfit... anyway... coffee and mints arrived, the signal to *light up* or pay a loo visit.... and there I was chatting away to the dishiest officer you have ever ever seen.... *wipes drool from chin at memory*.... I get a ciggy out.... and grab my lighter... fumbling to light it... I was really getting frustrated... then realised the whole table at our *fun end* was collapsed in hysterics, hubby included...... I looked down at my hand and nearly collapsed in shame, lolol ..... I was trying to light my ciggy with a tampon.

Love

Daff xxxxx

i once brough some mates back after a night out, and one took a shine to me but his friend had told me he was only 17, i was 22 at the time and he had told me he was 19, everyone fell asleep except me and him, so i asked if he would like to go up to my room and play on the nintendo, he smiled with a glint in his eye

and got a shock when we sat till 5am playing donkey kong, that will teach him to lie about his age,

the funniest thing was i went me sisters the next day laughing about it and who walked out of the house over the road?? mr donkey kong, turned out his nan lived there haha, i was sooooo embarased xxx

WHEN FATHER IN LAW ALIVE HE USED TO FLY OFF
TO FRIENDS IN SPAIN OFTEN,
HE HAD GOT A CHEAP TICKET FROM HEATHROW FOR £100
WE WENT TO MEET HIM,,FLIGHT LANDED
WAITED AND WAITED I SAID ANYMINIUT NOW THEIR
GOING TO CALL YOUR NAME OUT,,THEY DID
HE HAD CAUSED CHAIOS
HE HAD CHECKED IN HAD A MEAL ,THEN COULDNT FIND
HIS BOARDING CARD
INSTEAD OF ASKING HE WENT BACK OUT TO THE MAIN AIRPORT
TO LOOK FOR IT EVEN THOUGH HE HAD HAD IT TO GO AIRSIDE,

THE PLANE WAS BOARDING,HIS CASES IN THE HOLD
WHILE HE WONDERED ROUND.
THEY UNLOADED HIS LUGGAGE PLANE WAS AN HOUR LATE TAKING OFF THEY LOST THERE SLOT
HE WAS STILL WONDERING ROUND,
WE HAD TO BUY HIS RETURN TICKET HERE £200
HE ARRIVED TWO DAYS LATE,MINUS LUGGAGE
HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE HERE

NIGHTMARE FOR HIS SISTE IN LAW ÓN HOLIDAY OUT THERE
WITH FRIENDS
WHEN SUNBATHING THIS GREAT SHADOW LOOMED OVER HER

NEED SOMEWHERE TO STAY HE SAID,
SHE WAS NOT AMUSED HIM SLEEPING I HER ROOM ON THE FLOOR
NOR WAS HER FRIENDS
AND HE WONDERED WHY THE AIRPORT WAS ANGRY

AFTER THAT WE GOT HIM TO PHONE
BEFORE AND AFTER CHECKING IN ,
WHEN WE DID MEET HIM SOME OF HIS FRIENDS TURNED UP
SHOUD OF HEARD THE RACKET WHEN HE CAME THROUGH

Hubby hates dentists But had to have some teeth out
So i took him when he come round the nurse asked me
to sit in the recovery room with him So i did
But he kept getting over amorous the nurse said it was the anesthetic
I got right ticked off so i told him
The dentist pinched two inches off his ----
and my hubby went crazy
he got up flung the oxygen machine across the room
and started to search for his stolen two inches
it was so funny I was in kinks
There was a lady and her daughter sat in the room, laughing to
He then grabbed the ladies handbag and riffled through it
Still looking for his two inches
by then i was pmsl for real
Then he went through the cupboards in the room
searching away he was
and looked under the chairs everywhere
I had tears coming down my face
The nurses tried to pacify him but to no avail
He was shouting
You can laugh but i want my two inches back
Its not as if i had two inches to spare
i want the police calling i demand my two inches back NOW

No need to say he has never lived this down
and we still laugh about it now years later

When I was about 18 a bloke I really fancied invited me back to his house to look at his football trophies....In those days not many girls admitted to liking football so I think he was impressed by my enthusiasm at his tales of hat tricks and man of the season awards blah blah blah Anywayyyyyy......I jumped at the chance!!!...

However.......when we got there...........















He REALLY did show me his football trophies !!!!!! *sighs*

Years ago before people got paid through the bank
My hubby worked away and his boss used to deliver his wages here
and i would post off my hubby's money to him
after taking my housekeeping out of it
His boss used to insist on trying to put his arm round me
to explain his wage slip and i thought he was really creepy
But i was a bit weary to say anything to him
So i used to get the girl next door to come in
while he was here
One day he came a couple of hours earlier than usual and my son who was about 3
Opened the front door and shouted up the stairs
MUMMY THAT CREEPS HERE THE ONE YOU CANT STAND
kids who would have them
Strange they paid my hubby off the next week thank god lol
Nowadays i am not so green
and he would of been sent off with a flea in his ear
BUT MY SON WAS RIGHT HE WAS A CFREEP

Aw Sally, the one about the glasses is similar to one I was going to tell.My mum lost her glasses, she had me and my dad turning the place upside down looking for them, until Dad suddenly burst out laughing and said, 'Found them!'

'Where?' we both said.

'Look in the mirror' said Dad. Yep, she had been wearing them all that time. Funny how you get used to things isn't it?

Anyway, I was chatting to a good friend about a fancy dress party I went to in Bristol about 10 years ago. It was french themed, so she went as the Scarlet Pumpernickel, I went as a french floozy, low cut dress, huge blonde wig, white make-up and beauty spot. We got in the taxi to go, and the taxi driver tried to overcharge us, but (in character) we soon put him right, I think we scared him, or he wanted to take us back to the home lol.

We popped into the co-op to pick up some wine, and had had a phone call begging us to get some french bread too. So there we were, all dressed up, in character, and stopped the entire shop. We entertained them for 30 minutes, before walking to the house.

Party started, guests included us, Rene Artois, a french maid, an onion seller and a member of the resistance. We decided it would be a good idea to go to the pub for a while and continue the party later.

There was a small pub, bit of a dive, and as we walked in there was a punch-up going on in the bar. As Rene Artois, the french maid, the onion seller, Michelle of the resistance, the french floozy and the scarlet pumpernickel, all walked in, the fighting literally froze in mid-punch. I swear even the pint of beer that was flying across the bar froze in mid-air!
It gave the landlord a couple of seconds to grab the troublemakers and throw them out, and gave us all a drink on the house!

It was the best party I ever went to.

A few years after Id stopped wearing feminine hygiene products on my face I found myself on a date with a guy .While parked at the local lovers lane he ask if Id like to get into the back seat.....I said "Cant I stay in the front with you?"

When my daughter was 2 years old we had been shopping and when we got home l was putting everything away and gave her the toilets rolls and told her to put them in the toilet............. you guessed , yes she put them down the toilet and l couldn't tell her off as thats what l told her to do !!!!!!!!

lol Pauline........what a sight !!

Well reading your replies, Ive been LOL !

Laughter is the best medicine eh ?

When I first went to work at a hospital I heard a nurse refer to a patient as a cabbage I was most annoyed and told her so. Didn't I go red when she told me it was a CABG which they pronounced as cabbage.

Also another in patients noted SOB which when I found out stood for short of breath.

Yep we can easily misunderstand and feel very silly and embarrased.

When I was a little girl my Dad had to spend several months in hospital, the nurses were very kind and would give me paper masks , syringes,tongue depressors ...etc. to take home and play with. One day the parish priest came to visit us to see how we were all doing, while they were having tea I decided to impress him by putting on my little nurses uniform but couldnt find any paper masks .however after a good rummage in my mums bedroom I found something similar......I can still see my poor mothers face as I burst into the living room wearing an old fashioned Dr Whites tied behind my ears.....I never knew a human could move so fast.

.....another one.......and the last, otherwise you will think I am a complete dingbat......and I'm not.....

New pair of glasses, and I couldn't find them anywhere.......OH was annoyed as I was prone to leaving my glasses and having to go back to collect them......

.....the last place I remember having them was at my Daughters, and OH said to phone her........got my SiL and asked him if I had left them on the coffee table, but he said no........by this time OH was getting annoyed ......and Jay (SiL) said......you aren't wearing them, are you? (just joking)......and lo and behold they were on my face.....

Daft thing is that OH was gettin antsy with me for losing them, and he had NOT noticed they were on my face......who is dafter, him or me.....