General Chat

My father passed away back in 2008,and my stepmother phoned me 8 hours after he died, to inform me,(I live with my family 1200km away.)I always visit my Dad when I could and phoned on special days,I always thought we had a reasonable relationship,But I was told that I was not to attend his funeral! It was his wish?I didn't out of respect for him,but feel I have been forgotten,as a daughter.What would you do?

I'd ask to see that wish in writing. It sounds like your stepmother is cutting herself off from you,

Mine hasn't contacted me once since my Dad died...though she was ok with the funeral and everything, my half sister made sure of that...but since then not a word. I'm from his past life, before she came along, and I think that's always been on her mind.

Go visit his grave and place some flowers for him. She can't stop you. xx

Its the same,I phoned to tell her that if I wasn't to be there than I was sending flowers,she was even against that,but I did.A big bunch of colourful flowers with 1 pink Rose..Never even got a thankyou.Even if she chucked them in the bin,She will always remember.

Not knowing all the details of your relationship with your stepmother prior to the death of your Father, it is difficult to say if the delay in contacting you & asking that you did not attend the funeral was deliberately meant to hurt you.
It was harsh, not being able to say that final goodbye, but it may not have been meant to hurt you. It may have been that your Father was trying to protect you, in his mind.
Those phone calls to close relatives are very hard; I know that from when having to call my own sibling who lives abroad.
This does not mean that I think your stepmother was right in leaving it so long before contacting you, or including you in the funeral arrangements.

I think that as it happened in 2008 I'd have stated my case to those involved long before now,and made it plain that I was not going to be erased out of my dads life either alive or in death...

I think I was the death certificate that was the final straw.She knew I was doing family research,because my Dad was helping me with information.On the certificate she has put unknown on everything to do with his life before her! She could of phoned me if she didn't know.How nasty is that.I was never a threat to her,never interfeared.But now I have this certificate which has worthless information for any other person wanting to do research..

I wonder if you could get that changed. Try contacting the registrar, they may be able to help there, especially if you have certificates to prove his previous life. You can then get a proper certificate done which WILL be useful to future generations, HIS future generations.

Stand up to her my love, he was your dad, you do have rights, and there's nowt she can do about it. She can't wipe away his previous life, she doesn't have the right to do that.

I tried to have it amended(certificate) but only the next of kin can make any changes.They had 2 boys who will out live me so I have buckleys.

have you asked her to amend it?

No,I have not spoken to her since the phone call...And wont,Too little TOO late.

couldnt you get legal advice as to how you stand and what you could do
maybe a letter from solicitor asking her to ammend it would work

Aren't you cutting off your nose to spite your face? Sorry if that sounds harsh, (I honestly don't mean it to be) but if it's the only way to get the certificate changed and you haven't tried it, isn't it worth it?

Also have you written to the MP where you dad lives to ask why on earth information cannot be received when you've got proof to back it up? What's the point of incorrect or incomplete documents when the evidence is there?

Yes,I could..BUT it would cost alot,as it would have to go to the High Court,and you know how those Barristers like to take their time and charge like a wounded bulls. I have already looked into it.
I have already put a note on the death certificate I have,I made it right for my lot,in the future.

Could you not start a petition on the Government petition website? I'm sure many genealogists would sign up to it. :)

srs.. you are right,Iam stubon,I spoke to BDM and was told that you could put what ever you like on the certificate,My response was .Its a legal document,by law you are to put the truth.His response.OH well people dont,what can you do? So unless we are aware of this happening,our history can be lost. Iam sure other members have gone through it..

"OH well people dont,what can you do?"

Just because it's happening doesn't mean we should put up with it.....people need to challenge things that aren't right.

I gather your not in UK?

Surely she knew vital info about your dad when they married as some countires need a supply of infomation on marriage certs.

also if you can prove lots of things were known to his wife but its been a delibrate act to with held it,,then you may stand a chance of getting someting done?

Iam in Oz,Of couse she knew my grandmothers name she lived with her for about 2yrs,but unknown is on the certificate! I dont really think I will be able to do anything without selling my house, I know how you guys feel..I was sooo angry at first,..But now I just think,I know,and I was so lucky to apply for the death certificate,because many people dont,and how many out there wouldn't have a clue what was put on it.

Good night all,Iam off to the blanket show.sweet dreams.Deb

Goodnight :)