General Chat

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

•Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they'll stop laughing.
•What's invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny farts.
•How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? If she farts, her ankles swell.
•Confucius say, "Man who fart in church sit in own pew."
•"Darling," says a husband coyly to his wife, "let's swap positions tonight." "What a good idea," she replies. "You stand in front of the sink and do the dishes and I'll sit in front of the TV and fart."

I was a very windy kid. When I let one go in a shop, my embarrassed grandmother quickly rebuked me.
"But Nanny" I said, " I can't help it, you gave me pumping peas for me dinner!"

Tsk Tsk, such toilet humour :-D :-D :-D :-D

beans, beans, the farting fruit,
The more I eat the more I toot,
The more I toot, the better I feel,
So beans, beans for every meal. :-D

Brilliant thread:))

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

An attractive, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very
expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed. As she turns back, standing next to her is a salesman.

“Good day, ma’am, how may we help you today?”

Very uncomfortably she asks, “Sir, how much does this rug cost?”

“Ma’am,” he answers, “If you farted just touching it, you’re gonna crap when you hear the price!”

Ah but he may as well try to catch the wind...

diddy diddy diddy diddy yes he diddy :-0

Yes, Island - David's obviously feeling windy again as he sits at his computer trying to find the answer ;-)

Is this a repeat? :-)

Enter AnnCardiff stage right -

She's been dying to tell that joke :-D :-D :-D

there was a ballet dancer who farted every time she lifted her leg whilst dancing - she went to the doctor, explained the problem, adding that at least they don't smell - the doctor asked for a demo which she did, letting out a ripper.

the doctor reached for his notebook whereupon she said "are you able to help me then" to which he replied " I certainly can, I'm referring you to a nose speciaist, if you don't think they smell young lady, you have a serious nose problem"

The answer my friend is blowing in the wind

The first ship mate was Arter
By gad he was a farter!
when the wind didn't blow
so the ship wouldn't go
they'd fetch Arter the farter to start 'er

Just seen this thread. Breaking wind is most embarrassing at times. I had a huge trump long ago, on the treatment table, at my Chiropractors Clinic whilst he was trying to ease my hip and had my leg up in the air. I cannot begin to tell you how I felt. The thread has been funny - thanks for the humour!!!!!

Thank you all for visiting my thread and your many hilarious contributions.

Whatever the cure one things for sure.We all fart.

There was a young fellow of Ryde,
Who fell down the lavvy and died.
His unfortunate brother then fell down another.
And now they're interred side by side.

There was an old man
name of Carter.
He was one hell
of a farter.
He could fart any thing
From God Save the King
To Mendalson's Moonlight Sonata

Not to mention sitting there like a fart in a trance or even rattling about like a fart in a colander.