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Correspondence to, and from, Santa

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Allan

Allan Report 11 Dec 2012 08:58


Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for
Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
* *
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all
fine, and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried about all the
time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to
get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you
something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
* *
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract,
set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this
joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at
my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit
trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
* *
Mr Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria,
need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it
a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,
well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been
on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be
more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I
alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social
skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the
bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
* *
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends
into this. Now you’re just disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys
and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console,
my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
* *
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on
one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees
you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar,
genius? You have no idea what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your
sh*t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people
and if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll
all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you
asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in
your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
* *
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.
Timmy
* *
Timmy,
That’s what I thought you little b*st*rd.
Santa

michael2

michael2 Report 11 Dec 2012 09:06

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

Island

Island Report 11 Dec 2012 09:14

Love it :-D :-D :-D

Wend

Wend Report 11 Dec 2012 09:15

Me too :-D :-D :-D

SueMaid

SueMaid Report 11 Dec 2012 09:31

Is that why you changed your name to Allan.....Timmy ;-)

AnnCardiff

AnnCardiff Report 11 Dec 2012 09:33

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

JustJohn

JustJohn Report 11 Dec 2012 09:43

The OP is a disgraceful slur on Santa Claus - St Nicholas in the Christian tradition. A man of love, gentleness and kindness (unless anybody has some dirt on him).:-S

Even Timmy (aka Allan) will be treated with kindness in a fortnight, I feel sure. And I expect you will get your XBox and iPhone if Mrs Timmy has sufficient housekeeping from you. And if you stop posting contentous threads like this, Allan.

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D ;-)

GRMarilyn

GRMarilyn Report 11 Dec 2012 09:48

Now this is a refreshing thread .......... :-D


Loved it !! :-)

Mayfield

Mayfield Report 11 Dec 2012 09:48

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

Knew he had a dark side when he left me a toy car and no batteries!

Mayfield (naughty but nice)

Mauatthecoast

Mauatthecoast Report 11 Dec 2012 10:00

:-D :-D....I'm printing this off ..... :-D

JustJohn

JustJohn Report 11 Dec 2012 10:04

Dear Mau,

You have asked me for a printer for Christmas. The elves tell me there are many different models. Which type would you prefer?

Your lovingly, St Nicholas :-)

Allan

Allan Report 11 Dec 2012 10:10

Statistics show that six out of seven dwarves are not Happy

Mauatthecoast

Mauatthecoast Report 11 Dec 2012 10:11

Dear Nick

Too late I luv me Epson

M

Allan

Allan Report 11 Dec 2012 10:14

Lol John :-D :-D

Yes, I've been naughty, not nice...bang go my presents this year.

Still, next year I'll have my revenge,...syrup of figs in the mince pie left out for Santa

Mauatthecoast

Mauatthecoast Report 11 Dec 2012 10:16

Allan I needed a password eight characters long so I picked

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves :-D

Allan

Allan Report 11 Dec 2012 10:29

lol Mau :-D

Allan

Allan Report 11 Dec 2012 10:31

Suemaid,

my original name was Tammy :-(

Now I'm known as Timmy Tammy :-D

JustJohn

JustJohn Report 11 Dec 2012 11:11

Dear Timmy Tammy

You admit you are naughty but nice. Have had a word with Mrs Timmy Tammy and we both agree you deserve everything your heart desires this Christmas.

Big delivery coming. First time I have ever been to Western Australia. Will there be plenty of ice for my sled? Food for Rudolph? And can you make sure you put out any roaring fires so I can shimmy down chimney>

Many thanks, St Nicholas :-D <3

Allan

Allan Report 11 Dec 2012 11:25

Dear St Nicholas,

I can assure you that there will be no roaring fires in WA at this time of the year: as for ice, well, I believe that loose sand has the same effect.

Just be mindful of yourOHSW obligations to your Reindeer who may object to sand particles up their nether regions.

We do not have tradtional chimneys as such, but I'm sure that if you are a six foot pipe cleaner, you will be able to descend and carry out your festive duties

yes I have been nice :-D

Allan

Allan Report 11 Dec 2012 11:30

To all Santas in the region of SW OZ.

Storms moving in and I'm having to close down :-(

They've been threatening all day, and have finally arrived.

Timmy Tammy