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Having a moan before I pull my hair out!

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~`*`Jude`*`~ Report 14 Jun 2013 19:41 must also think of yourself, l am now seeing the Dr and a counsellor, there are other issues for sister to deal with, but basically she is lonely but l can't do everything for her, or involve her in everything l do!....soooooo take care of number one:))

jude xx

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 19:16

Thankyou Jude, :-)

Kay the 'power of suggestion' might work if I told her it came via a psychic medium :-)

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 19:15

Ah well Susan , me and 'guilt trips' go together like strawberries and cream ;-) lol.

I have been saying for weeks and months 'if you want I'll come up and help with.....' everything from a spring clean to helping her find somewhere else to live if she wants to ( she needs to as she can't manage stairs really). Sheltered housing would be best but as they say 'you can lead a horse to water..... :-)


Kay???? Report 14 Jun 2013 19:04


Power of suggestion works,,,:))


~`*`Jude`*`~ Report 14 Jun 2013 18:55

RR....mmm this is all to familiar to me with my sister. She does sort of have memory probs but when l have ago at her she remembers and does things on her own.!!
l sympathize completely with you:((

jude x


Susan10146857 Report 14 Jun 2013 18:51

I have no sympathy for her whatsoever Rose. I had an old neighbour like that. he ran his son down for not visiting but it turned out that whenever he phoned up said son bemoaning the fact that he hadn't seen anyone in weeks and the son rushed over to see him, he was busy with visitors.

He lied all the time about never seeing anyone just to make people feel sorry for him and got quite rude to those who did all they could for him.....I am afraid we fell out after a time of him using us at every opportunity and then running us down behind our backs.......My advice would be to have a word with whoever needs to know.....let her know that you cannot always be there and to talk it over with the powers that be......don't go on a guilt trip which is what it seems she is sending you on......You can only do what you can, you cannot help her with her whole life.

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 18:24

Jude, she doesn't have memory problems I'm pretty sure, what she is really saying is 'I have no family' and there is unfortunately nothing that can change that. She does see people and she does remember doing so, but they're not 'close' and there's probably an element of 'if I say I don't see anyone I get more sympathy', which sounds a bit harsh of me but is true I think.

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 18:12

Sorry Kay cross posted with you there, I think age concern is the answer, it's just difficult as the move has to come from her, although I have known her all my life I'm not related and feel that because she is more my mum's age than mine it isn't really for me to tell her what to do ( much as I might like to lol).


~`*`Jude`*`~ Report 14 Jun 2013 18:10

RR...sounds like she may have a memory prob too, if she thinking no one has visited for ages can have memory tests organised via the DR and if you are concerned you can ring her Dr>

jude x


~`*`Jude`*`~ Report 14 Jun 2013 18:07

RR...l feel for you, but it sounds to me as though you have to be cruel to be kind.
Good luck!!

jude x

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 18:05

Cynthia, the surgery is just across the road from her, and she has been there a lot over the years with OH so they know her, and that I think is the problem in a way as they are not looking past her bp for an answer.

Also has to be said, I know from a mutual friend of mum's,she can be a bit 'secretive' lol, as when she told the friend that she hadn't heard from me in months when in fact she was speaking to me every other day and told ME she hadn't seen anyone for weeks when in fact she was visiting the friend every week..... so I am wondering just how much of what she is telling me she is telling the doctor?

George, Dizzi I see the local age concern has volunteer gardeners and be-frienders, it's just a matter of convincing her to try it.


Kay???? Report 14 Jun 2013 17:51

Age Concern, she sounds like she could become a vunerable person if left to go it alone,they can sort out the most important aspects,


DIZZI Report 14 Jun 2013 17:33



George Report 14 Jun 2013 16:59

Get her to contact age concern, they will arrange someone to do her garden.

George :-)


Cynthia Report 14 Jun 2013 16:52

I'm just wondering if the doctors are as useless as they seem Rose? Could it be that your friend isn't taking the advice and support they offer - it does rather sound as though she has a stubborn streak.

As well as all the other good ideas given, would it be possible for you to voice your concerns at her surgery? I know there is data protection etc.etc. least you will have tried and raised the matter with them.

Other than that, you could, maybe, have a word with her local Adult Services team.

I quite agree though........old age is not funny for many people. :-(

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 15:25

Hello Dave :-) It's not my mum, it's one of her old friends.

The problem with scouts , if indeed they still do that kind of thing, is they wouldn't be
( legally) allowed to use a mower or strimmer.

Unfortunately I live quite a long way away and don't know people local to her who might be able to help.


dopey06 Report 14 Jun 2013 15:14

I do not know if they still do it ?

But perhaps Local Scouts would be willing to help out , for a small fee for their club ? <3 <3

I know you , but not personally , Rambling Rose , you have helped me several times with my Family Tree.

Shame I do not live anwhere near your mum . :-) <3

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 15:14

Hi Wisechild, no unfortunately she has no family at all.


wisechild Report 14 Jun 2013 14:56

She sounds exactly like my mother was, not just refusing all help, but cancelling anything my brother or I arranged for her, then telling everyone how caring her nephews/grandchildren etc were when they stepped in.
The neighbours & the family were quite convinced that my brother & I never did a thing.
Has your lady got grandchildren, or other relatives who could perhaps give it a try?

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 14:44

LOL BC I have bitten my tongue 'a few' times to stop the words "pull yourself together" from slipping out, I know my mum, who was her friend for 40 odd years, would have let it slip by now, she was always very kind but slightly more impatient than me ( which is saying something lol).

But yes you have it one, I do 'mother', lame dogs of all sorts are my downfall, friends, strangers , dying pigeons, Oh God lol.

Yes her OH always handled the finances and bills, everything really, not a good idea and as they did everything together there is no 'fall back' on hobbies or other friends really, those that they had as a couple have seemed to disappear now she is alone.