General Chat

From 'about.com'

The practice of carrying the husband's surname is prevalent in most English-speaking countries, including the U.S., U.K., Australia, Canada and the Philippines. The ancient tradition is rooted in Christian tenets, which teach men that it is the father's duty to provide for and protect his daughter until she is strong enough to start her own family, which then becomes the responsibility of another man. The traditions of the wife taking the husband's last name and the father walking the bride down the aisle both stem from these religious principles.

While women still have a choice in the U.S, Japanese brides are obligated to take their husband's name so they can belong to the same koseki (house).
Since 1975, women in Italy have been prohibited from changing their last names, and brides in Quebec, Canada, must undergo the same lengthy procedures that any other citizen would encounter if they wish to change their name. They must also have a reason, other than marriage, for the court to grant permission, such as their maiden name inviting ridicule or being too hard to pronounce. Chile, France, Malaysia and the Netherlands have enacted similar laws.
Joining the women in South Korea and Cambodia, most Muslim wives keep their surnames after the wedding and their children inherit their father's name.



But the article doesn't address Frederick's original question :-0

Ah, Frederick, there you are! :-D

My daughter and son in law are married but each has kept the name they had.

Yes,?????????? What.?????????

Frederick?

Mrs actually comes from Mistress .......... which at one time was the honorific given to a woman who had reached the age of maturity.

This could mean a married woman OR a single lady

Servants and tradesmen, for example, would call the lady of the house "Mistress", no matter her marital status.


Having said that ......................

I am traditional in that I took my OH's name and am called Mrs

................... we have been married 47 years, and there really wasn't all that many women who didn't do that.

Later, I would have liked an option to do things differently ..................... among other things, my maiden surname has now died out.

I really really don't like Ms .........................although I don't see why men are not designated as married by a change in title :-)

Probably dates back to when women were owned and considered property by their husbands so others would know that she is already taken, after all men were never owned by anyone so no need to indicate that they are married, IMHO anyway.

I don't agree with the tradition of taking the husband's name upon marriage because I believe that the name we were given at birth is our given name, and should remain with us until death, and that children should carry the name of their father OR mother.
But that's just my opinion :-)

So, with that in mind, I don't see anything wrong in gay couples keeping their own names, makes more sense than having 2 Mr Smiths, or 2 Mrs Smiths, married to each other. Think of the confusion when the post drops through their letter box!!!

I use the title Ms. I have done for donkeys years, both when I was single and since I've been married, because I don't like the label of Miss or a Mrs.
I am Ms (my own/maiden name) whilst I am married to Mr (his own/maiden name) :-D :-0 and it's never caused us any problem. He has a good laugh when people who only know me eventually meet him, and call him by my surname! :-D 'tis only natural I suppose.

We asked our dil-to-be what name would she use

- maiden name
- double barrel it
- our son's surname.

Even though our son has offered to take her maiden name, she seems to want to be known as Mrs (son's surname) !!!

(and to think that we [mentally] burned our bras for the next generation)

Graham, if someone is called 'Mr Smith', what would you assume?

I'm not keen on Ms either, DazedC. As men cease to by 'master' by the time they are all of, say, 10 years old why isn't the same curtesy afforded to women?

I wouldn't dream of asking what titles a male married couple might use.

I hated being labelled Mrs. when I married and turned to the awful Ms. that way no-one knew whether or not I was married.

And if anyone on the phone or in meetings referred to me as either Mrs. or Miss I would correct them and tell them it was Ms. and eventually people got the message.

I do not like wearing rings of any kind, so after about 6 months my lovely and expensive wedding ring went in my jewellery box and is still there 36 years later. So not wearing a ring in some ways helped.

It's bad enough that women are still labelled as 'married' or 'single' by the out of date use of Mrs and Miss without singling out some as 'lesbian' by giving them another title.

Mr for men and Ms for women, regardless of relationship status.


Why is this thread predominately discussing women anyway? What about Married gay male titles?

If your called Mrs Smith most people would assume you are married to Mr Smith. If Miss Jones married Miss Smith and both decided to use the name Smith that could make them both Mrs Smith. This could lead to some confusion. Perhaps an alternative title might be in order. Or would lesbians feel offended by that?

my daughter attended a lesbian wedding at the weekend...... neither women are changing their name.
They did think about double barrelling, but decided against it.

A.Smith and Wesson has a kinda ring to it! ;-)


as does Dott and Carrie One

I worked with a lad who married an only child and they took her surname so that her surname would not die out within their branch of the family.

She also did not like his family name and did not want to take it as her own.

Which I think from memory was Pratt.

And no I am not joking.

They could of course name themselves after the TV Programme "Alias Smith and Jones" :-D

Indeed there isn't island, in my family one changed his name to his 2nd wife's first married name so that any children they have they will all have the same surname.
Another changed his name to that of his bride and yet another changed her name on marriage but was known by her maiden name :-(
Confused??? I'm not anymore.

There's no legal obligation for anyone to change their name when marrying.