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adoption/please be gentle on adoptees *PART TWO*

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 Mar 2005 11:16

If you don't know, there is a previous thread 'Adoption/please be gentle on adoptees' - but it has got very long. The previous thread has worked as a place for adoptees to 'think out loud' and share their experiences with others. I started it (its not a secret) anonomously in order that it was everyones thread, not just mine. I hope having my name at the front will not deter anyone from using the thread. Hopefully fellow adoptees will continue to look in from time to time and be there for each other.

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 Mar 2005 11:18

Sorry Joan, don't want to make life harder for you. Jess x


Rainey Report 11 Mar 2005 13:04

hi everyone, just thought i would pop in and update you all if you dont mind, i managed to trace a lady who i thought could have been my mum,i had a lot of help from lovely people on this site. contact was made via a third person on my behalf, unfortunatley the lady was not my birth mum, a very nice lady who said she didnt mind being contacted at all, she did say however, that someone else had contacted her 2-3wks previously and that contact was nothing to do with myself, so maybe just maybe someone else is looking for the same person that i am loking for and maybe they are looking for me to. there is a saying good things come to those who wait. i am still waiting for my adoption pk from the gro they are weeks behind at the moment, but i have been told that my adoption file is here in the dorset social services, so near yet so far. i hope this all makes sense to you all , never give up i am not going to i know that i need to know where i come from, with love and best wishes to you all lorraine xx

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 Mar 2005 13:05

Lorraine, thats excellent! sound as though who ever your B/m turns out to be that she had more than one of you, well, not more than one of you,but a sibling or two! jess x


Rainey Report 11 Mar 2005 13:17

hi jess i do know that she had four other children after she had me so mybe one of them was put up for adoption or maybe she had another child before me who knows regards lorraine x


Rainey Report 11 Mar 2005 14:19

hi michael thank you, is there no one you can apeal to, so that you can get your information its about you, so you have every right to see it with regards lorraine

Still Searching !!!

Still Searching !!! Report 11 Mar 2005 14:20

Does that mean you are unable to access your records? If so that's awful. Best wishes x

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 Mar 2005 14:25

Michael. I think under current legislation regardless of your denomination you are entitled to see your adoption file. Depending on when your adoption happened there should be records files with the local authority(local to where you were adopted). you wil have to go through the statutory councilling but never the less the adoption info should be made availible after that. jess

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 Mar 2005 18:24

Michael, that is exactly my point. The council will now hold even church records and they should be accessible! jess

The Bag

The Bag Report 11 Mar 2005 20:09

Michael Get in touch with your local county council.Ask to be put through to the adoption section, ask to speak to the post adoption councillor and request your files. they should be able to retrieve your file from which ever county hold it. i assume you know your birth name? if not applying for your original birth cert is the first step happy to help! jess


Sheila Report 11 Mar 2005 21:59

Hi Michael, Although my adoption was private my sisters were adopted throught Nugent (Catholic Society) a lot has changed in the last few years and I must say they were very helpful in our dealings with them, my sisters were allowed to view records and my youngest sister viewed hers about 20 years ago and waas given letters from our birth mother to her sister. Recently we contacted them about tracing siblings and they were equally helpful (although a little slow, but they are dealing with a lot of cases). Get you local social worker to start the ball rolling and see what they can turn up. The best of luck with your search. Sheila p.s rainy girl have you looked on 1837 to see if you can find the birth name of your siblings if they were after you, there will be nothing in your file, however, it sounds like one of them may also be searching for your birth mother, so put as mand messages on the adoption sites as possible maybe they will come across them, also check again for any double entries under your mothers birth name....Good Luck to you also!


Sheila Report 11 Mar 2005 23:12

Hi Michael, I have e-mailed you direct. Best Wishes Sheila

The Bag

The Bag Report 12 Mar 2005 09:54

Just had to record this from 1881 census just tickled me and think 'sums us all up' about correctly! Susannah Doyle abt 1868 Liverpool, Lancashire, England Adapted Daughter ..............


Susan Report 12 Mar 2005 13:51

Hello, I discovered in October last year that I am 1 of 6 children of which the 5 eldest were adopted. (Always knew that I was maybe 1 of 3, so a bit of a shock!(I am No:3)). I have never been bothered about finding my Birth family as I am not particularly close to the family I have, so did I really want another family?. I was always the one to wander off on my own & never felt that I truly fitted in! I am still a bit of a loner, have never been married or had any children myself. Something has always been missing in my relationships / life! I'm hoping now I will be able to move on. Anyway I have just returned from meeting the Eldest Sister & a younger Brother in Australia (didn't get to see another younger brother). Another Brother lives here & his 'estranged' wife won't pass my letter onto him because she has the hump with him! (Understandable after 22yrs!). It was really weird meeting these strangers, that are family! Being the last to get in contact (only because I saw a message on GR) they already know & have their opinions about each other(& no doubt about me too now). I got on really well with both siblings & am sad that we didn't have a childhood together or I couldn't stay longer (after all we were trying to cram 44yrs worth into 3wks!). I spoke to the Birth Mother which was very emotional & have discovered that she only lives 1hrs drive away from me. I know this may sound strange, but I have taken an awful lot of good / not so good information on board over the past few months & am almost at the point of overloading! I bear no grudges against her, she lived in a different time when things were tough & she did what she had to do.I do plan to go & see her, but I don't feel I am ready yet! Is that normal? I could tell more, but i don't want to bore you!! Anyway, Thanx Sue


Unknown Report 12 Mar 2005 14:23

all of what you are experiencing is completely normal. Everyone has their own personal journey of discovery which is slightly different from another but one thing that seems to remain the same is the feelings you go thru at the different stages of your journey. Stay strong and positive and follow your gut instinct. Attempt contact when you feel ready and if u need to talk we are all here to listen either as a group or one to one if you prefer. We all want to help each other thru times of need and worry and feelings you don't yet understand. All is normal for you. There as individual as you are. Take care All the best Jules


Unknown Report 12 Mar 2005 14:30

my latest update. I placed an advert in a very well known local paper asking for info on certain people who knew my mum (didn't state she was mum) in the certain pub in the right era. Just got a reply. My head is all over the place now. This guy has told me of a reunion held once a year and that over 300 hundred people attend, all from that era 70's. He knew mum had passed away and knew an uncle of mine (who avoids subject of dad) and mum's best male friend. I have emailed back but not giving the game away just yet. The person who emailed me knows phil ****** is seeing his brother tonight. Jeez. I am stunned. He finishes work at three. sent my phone number. Don't know what to say to him? Any ideas anyone? I seriously haven't a clue what to say now. Thanks Jules

The Bag

The Bag Report 12 Mar 2005 15:16

believe you me, the best laid plans will all go to pot, just see what happens. note down a few question that you may have the chance to ask, and have a pen & paper nearby, just in case. Its hard, the phone rings - heart goes bump bump and its some twit from a call centre in India - try not to worry too much about when it wil happen- i'm still waiting for my B /bro to ring me- spoke to his wife in the week and she promised he'd ring! jess


Unknown Report 12 Mar 2005 15:25

don't know what i'm doing. My heart is in my stomach at the mo. this guy finished work at 3pm and i'm sat here waiting for the phone to ring like an idiot !! I don't no why I expect to find anything out after all this stonewalling i've been getting about dad. must be a complete twit with a massive sign above my head saying 'aim here' I must have been very evil in a previous life or something! This is some week I'm having! Thanks Jess xx


Mollsmummy Report 12 Mar 2005 16:41

I always read this thread with interest. I recently made contact with my birth mothers family and for a while it was really intense and I found it all overwhelming. Everything has settled down a bit now and I am looking forward to meeting some of the family at the end of March. The thing is it has got me wondering about my birth father. I have never been interested in finding him before as from what I could gather he didn't treat my mother very well. That said however I do know that he had a small son when I was born. I have found out that there is only one man with his name living in London and it fills me with curiosity. I would love to find my brother but I am not sure that I would like to meet my birth father. I am also not sure that my brother would even know that I exisit.

The Bag

The Bag Report 12 Mar 2005 17:15

Jules. got that sinking feeling yet because no-one has phoned? I was verging on hysterical when i gave my phone number in a letter - the moment i put the letter in the box i knew there was no turning back. When the call came it made me go cold and goosy for a start and then was fine. just be prepared for anything - and talk to us after, yep we do tears too! You weren't evil at all -just adopted, because at a grass roots level ( sorry if others disagree) you were not wanted and if that makes you sensitive about people and families the you are certainly no different to me! jess