General Chat

not just as children Sue,
untill we have the strength to break away, and understand that it was and is not our fault, then we still suffer, at their hands and venom

but there is always light at the end of the tunnel, as i have learnt

xxLynnxx

Strangely enough,I feel teary for that little girl too.Not for me but some other little girl who was me.It wouldn't be me because I was always accused of being full of self-pity and,of course,she didn't now what I thought I had to grizzle about.

Not strange. You have to look at that little girl and tell her that she did nothing wrong and that she was pretty (cos all little girls are) and smart and good and not to take any notice of that awful woman who didn't know the real you because she was so caught up with herself.
Lynn, I didn't mean to minimise the damage that is continued through to adulthood, it's just that when you live in a house as a child there is never hope of escape. At least as an adult, as you say, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Sue xxx

i know you didnt Sue :o))) xxxx

just a dreadful life to live thats all,

Hugs to you all,


" I know, for i was that little girl, and then the grown woman "


night night
xxLynnxx

Can i just say something that has helped me a great deal and others might find it a big help too

I have started to write a book of sorts, about my life, and my feelings living with a mother like this, i havent done any for a good few months, but i will finish it one day, but just to put it down in words helps so much,
might seem a small thing to do, but even if no-one else ever reads it, its a huge release

xxLynnxx

I didn't get to escape.There was always too much for me to do before I could even think about organizing that and,of course,if I had escaped there would have been no back up,nowhere to come back to.No caring relations offered a home because nobody knew what was happening.So bloody frustrating!

I wonder if these women were treated like this by their mothers........

From what I have read it can be the result of spoiling or sexual abuse or several other things.My mother was the youngest of ten and,from what I hear,she could do no wrong in the eyes of the grandparents.Now,we always knew that her oldest brother was the son of my grandfather and my grandmother's youngest sister,born about six months before my grandparents were married(keep up).What I have now discovered is that my grandfather was thirty-three at the time andgrandmother's youngest sister was,I believe,fourteen or fifteen.Does that say disfunctional to you?It does make me wonder about my grandfather.

I did escape, since I didnt own anything it didnt take much packing ,nobody could understand why such an ungrateful daughter could just walk out and never return, after all she'd done for me!
My father even crossed the road so as not to speak to me, and wrote a vile letter before I got married { beneath myself} telling me how much I had hurt my mother.Casting me out even though I had already left !! No doubt her pain was the loss of control over me.

Forty years on we cant have a conversation without, naughty girl, bad girl, sex drugs and mini-skirts and Smoking creeping in.and how lucky she is to have such wonderful neighbours, who she manipulates with ease !

Ive tried writing it down but it all gets bitter and twisted I think who would want to read it?
This is cathartic enough for now.

My mother was the oldest of 13, half a dozen of which including my mother were not the man we called grandads, children
Mum was left to bring up her siblings, as gran was always off somewhere or other with some man or other, The man we called grandad, was a man of little intelligence, and there was a lot of inbreeding,
es, my mother had it very tough, but why didnt that make her more loving and protective of her own ?
god only knows,

xxLynnxx

That article was the most cathartic thing I have ever seen.
I think that wherever I had gone she would have found me to demand that she could have whatever it was I owed to her,take her somewhere,give her back something that was rightfully hers after all she had done for me,to generally create a life for her because of all she suffered.I've seen her collapse for attention.
I was,after all,the only thing she had ever achieved.

I ask because my MIL had much the same sort of life.....and she makes no sercet of the fact the whilst engaged to my beloved FIL they was only 20 and her mother wouldnt allow her to marry him she detested him....so they planned it so she became pregnant...this was in 1948....but My MIL adored her Mother she (mil ) was born after her married mother had an affair with a married man....when she was a baby MIL went to live with dad and his wife til she was 5......by this time MIL had a baby brother by the same man....she was beated and spat at...even at 15 she work in mill..( t'mill) and at evenings worked as an usherette and the pictures...she was allowed to keep that wage after giving all her other money to her mother...but had to pay her to do the washing up if she was in a rush.....she was often whipped with a catandninetails whip even then.....and when she got married her mother never saw her till her baby was born even then he was a couple of weeks old...

Oh yes !! The dramatic fainting in public ,,, oh youve just reminded me !!!!

An incident has just come to mind.When I was about
fourteen a teacher accused meof doing something wrong and lying about it.In fact she was lying.I was very,very upset,cried all day.When I arrived home I was so very distressed,very visibly so,that I told my mother.She said'Well,I'm glad somebody has got through to you at last.'

May I ask you both......how did she/they react when you was children if you had fallouts with other children ? Or fights ?

Well it was my fault of course for upsetting poor Whoever.Not that I had that much contact with other children.
Unless something was said that reflected upon her role of excellent mother when she might have words with the child herself,not about how hurt I might have been.

All my fault for raising my head above the parapet, and it would be straight to bed with no tea or worse, she couldnt remove any priviledges, as I didnt have any!

Wait til I tell your Dad!

thanks for this thread sharron
it's certainly opened my eyes
just thought mother was an evil ....
i'm going to tell my sisters' about the website and
get them to read it
cannot believe there are other mothers' the same as ours
lynnx

Well I am off to bed now.Goodnight Sue.Lynn,Hayley.Lindsey.Thank you so much,I feel so much better for this discussion and hope it can carry on and that Lynn and Lindsey especially have benefitted from it.Mine is off giving the devil a run for his money but I know they still have their demons to fight.

You''l be pleased to know that as part of my standing up to her tantrums, I have recently met my cousin again after 53 years.
Our separation was all part of her feud with her sister.and she's furious !!! But boy it feels good.