General Chat

Innocent enough ? , but when my partner went from flirting to that step further it wrecked a long relationship. Admittedly she wouldn't have looked perhaps if we had been 100 % steady , but then maybe if there wasn't someone waiting in the wings she might have given it more of a go?

what'd you think, how far is it ok before someone gets hurt?

Gaz ( had one to many beers after bbq maybe)

Just as likely to have been someone at work, brother of a friend, someone else - don't see that a cyber relationship is any worse or any different.

Probably cyber-relationships less likely as people involved could live miles - or continents - apart.

Jill

p.s. Strong black coffee for you Gaz - and it's the sugar that sobers you up so heap a couple of spoons in!

Don't even go there Gaz, to me it wrecked 22 years of marriage, along with his general behaviour towards me, leaving me feeling less than acceptable as a person. His behaviour on the internet, coupled with the fact that I was told I was only walking through the room to spy on him, (I had to walk through the room to get to the kitchen to make a cuppa FGS).

Then I had to take the blame for everything after I threw in the towel and told him I can't live like this any more.

Flirting is one thing, but getting in depth with someone who is 25 years your junior, and pretending to be the same age as them is different. (no not a pedo, just a deluded middle-aged idiot, and to think I married him in the first place!)

I have no sympathy for anyone who actually has a cyber-affair. Their choice, they know the risks, and it's NOT harmless.

probably right Jill, you can't keep someone where they don't want to be...will get that coffee, not black but strong wi9th 4 sugars!

Hey sorry Teresa ,didn't mean to dig up bad times for you,

Gaz

It's ok Gaz, it just annoys me when I see people trying to justify cyber affairs, especially by saying 'it's not real' (Did you get that one? lol)

Well I've got news, it is just as real. The emotion and thought behind it is still there, if the physical isn't. I was devastated at the time, but I'm over it now, in spite of that rant LOL

But I have no time for anyone who does that now..

thing is , it is easy to be 'romantic' on the net ,not the same in the home where you argue about bills and work , general stuff. that's what swung her away from me i rckon , a perfect world with no probs.

Gaz

I find the whole idea of cyber affairs really sordid tbh. They are based on fantasy and that's where the danger begins.

I am mates with a handful of blokes on the www and never once has it crossed my mind to behave any differently with them as I do with the female mates I have on here.

If one of them crossed a line with the things they said to me I'd probably block them from contacting me and walk away from their friendship.

Mind you I'd behave the same in real life with my male friends too.

Sometimes I watch some of the flirting and threads on here and other sites and just cringe. .......at what's being said......It's like an accident waiting to happen sometimes....although they all say they're just having a laugh..........hmmmmmm.......if I spoke to blokes the way I've seen on here and elsewhere and my Husband saw it I'm sure he wouldn't find it funny at all.......and I don't blame him.

Sorry you've been hurt though Gaz......unfortunately there's rarely happy endings in these instances xx

yeah, Teresa got the 'it's just for fun' but it wasn't , not in the end.

Gaz

Ta Muffy, flirting is ok if your single, not with someone ,otherwise someone is bound to get hurt eventually.

Muffy's right, it rarely recovers in the end.

Jill, you think cyber affairs are less likely because of the distance? TBH it makes them MORE likely. A cyber relationship is not necessarily a physical one.

There are a lot of stories of people who have abandoned their families and gone to live in another country as a result of a cyber affair.

It is pure fantasy, but it doesn't justify it if you DON'T turn that fantasy into reality. As I said, the thought and emotion behind it is still there, whether the affair is cyber or otherwise. It's no less an infidelity.

Gary, things do get better, honest they do.

I was reading Gary's thread that his OH had "gone off" with the cyber relationship person ...

Wasn't thinking about the non-physical side of it.

But if it is all cyber does it constitute say, an affair? Thought there would have to be some degree of physicality involved?

Jill

Not sure Jill.

I'd forgive a drunken fumble more easily than I would forgive him for telling another woman he loved her etc........xx

No Jill it doesn't. When you are watching your husband having a cyber affair, the fact is, his attention, his emotions, thoughts, feelings, are no longer about you. Quite literally, it is infidelity of the heart. It's not the physical aspect that hurts in a 'real' affair, but the emotional aspect, that you are no longer wanted or loved, how could you be?

had the coffee lol.

think ,if you're telling someone else online what you would like to be doing with him and not doing it with OH then it amounts to the same as doing it with the bloke next door really. if you need to hide something from OH you shouldn't be doing it . or at least tell him that you think you want out of the relationship first or something to be different.

Gaz

One thing is good from it though , I will be more careful when chatting to ladies that i don't go over the boundaries my OH did.

Gaz

Exactly Gaz, and you know where those boundaries are, like i do, which is a valuable lesson learned through our experiences,

I'll flirt and joke around on a board in full view of everyone, but there is no way I would enter into a personal one-on-one flirt in PM, not a chance. For one, you don't really know the person you are talking to, and if they are what they say they are, or not.

Hi again Teresa, evn with good intentions a person can be 'someone else' in reality off of here, don't suppose most people show the worst side of themselves on a chat board , the grumpy in the morning,.unshaven, slobbing about after work kind of thing lol.

Gaz

No I dont' think they do. The majority of people are who they say they are and what they say they are. I'm talking about those like my ex, who pretended at 48 to be 25, and that's just for starters. And there are quite a few of them about. So until you are sure about the person you are speaking to it's best to be really careful.

Are you suggesting TW that I'm not a 5ft 10 former miss World who races cars professionally at weekends ? lol.

That's the scary thing about the net.....you can be whoever you want to be.

xx

Now I'm interested Muffy! lol....

but if you are a former miss world I am probably too short old and ugly for ya !

Gaz