General Chat

I dont come on here very often now and when I do I see all the problems that others have on here and feel that maybe mine are not so bad but over the last few weeks things have piled up more and more and tomorrow I am surposed to fly out to Cyprus to join the rest of my family as my eldest son gets married on Thursday .
Two weeks ago my OH was taken ill and spent a couple of nights in hospital it was decided that he has had a mini stroke and then a few days later my very frail 83 year old mother who has mental health problems fell and broke her arm , we had really hard time getting some kind of help into place for her as I knew it was only days before I went away , because of her mental health she gets confused and started to pack to go and stay with my sister , my sister is very ill at the moment and my parents ( they are divorced) had no idea that for the last 3 years my sister had been fighting terminal cancer , so at this point I had to tell them that Debbie has cancer they dont know its terminal just shes fighting cancer, yesterday I took her back to the hopital to have her arm checked over and had to hold her down while they manually manipulated her arm back into place as it had slipped and with only gas and air for pain relief , it was one of the worse things i have ever seen , she was then discharged to go back next week . Last night my sister was taken into hospital very poorly with a chest infection , I dont know if I should tell my mother or what I have even thought about not going to my sons wedding . The care package that was put into place last week finishes today and I have a meeting this morning to try and arrange another one to start tomorrow , I am so mixed up and not sure what to do , I have part packed my cases I just feel like crying , my sister has 2 daughters who at the moment have to take care of there mum , and all my mothers brothers and sisters are 73 and older and all in poor health my father is 87 and in a wheelchair he has a good care package so he is sorted and even though they are divorced they are friends and so my mother is staying with him at the moment so she has company and he helps as much as he can . I so want to go to my boys wedding I so want to be with all my children and grandchildren but feel so guilty that I am leaving such termoil for the next 7 days

Thanks for listening to my moans

Pam

Pam,
I will give you a very big Cwtch. I think that is a lovely word. My m-i-l would say it a lot when the family wasn't well.
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this very trying time for you. I haven't been through any of these difficult problems so I can't help you there. I hope you manage to get to the wedding in Cyprus. Isn't there a respite home that your Mother could go into for a few days while you are away?
Sue xxxx

Morning Pam,

What a sad place you are in at present, when you should be so happy with the prospect of your son's wedding.

Only you can make the decision on what to do, but if you get the new care package in place and you know your sister is being well cared for in hospital, there is little more you can do in the short term.

Going to your son's wedding will give you all some marvellous memories for the future. We all need those happy memories to take us through our lives.

I will be thinking of you.
Elisabeth x

Pam,
Please don't feel guilty, its only natural that you want to go to your sons wedding. After the last few weeks I'm sure you need the time away for yourself. If your mother is staying with your father who is wheelchair bound could the social services not send someone to check on them daily until you get back? Has your father got good neighbours who might be able to keep an eye on things and offer help if needed? If not, respite care might be the only answer for the short time you are away. I hope something can be sorted out and you get to the wedding.

Cath xx

Maybe you will find some help today and I hope you do. Of course you want to be with the young members of your family and you should not feel guilty for wanting to be there. I hope that some sort of care package, even in the short term can be put into place so that you are able to go. And of course your son will want you there.

I hope your sister gets over her chest infection as well. You do have such a lot on your plate at the moment so here is a ((((((cwtch)))))) for you.

Don't feel guilty Pam. Just pack your cases and go. You are obviously a very caring person but just for the next few days, your place is with your son. Looking at photos afterwards won't mean the same and you can never get that time back.-J

Go - your son needs you and you need a break to give you strength for going on. Big cuddle coming your way and a hug.

((((((huge cwtch)))))) It is so hard for you, but I feel if at all possible you must go to your son's wedding, this is something you can never 'get back'.

take care
Rose xx

A BIG,BIG HUG for you Pam.
I have just come back from lunch with my daughter who has been trying for a baby ever since she was married(1987) with no luck and who now has been told she has to have a hysterectomy.She is in such a bad place at the moment as she has been through such a lot in her married life.I am in really bad pain at the moment so it wasnt a great lunch but then I came on here and saw all the troubles you have got and thought 'what the heck am i feeling down about.'
Go to your sons wedding and enjoy their moment.You will have such good memories to look back on.
fondest wishes, Ann

I think you need a hug too Ann. I am so sorry for your daughter, she must be very upset.

(((((hugs)))))

Thinking of you Pam at this difficult time, I have no more advice to add but you are in my thoughts and Im sending big hugs:)
Teresa

What a lovely, caring person you are, Pam. I'm sure it is very important to your son that you are with him on his wedding day and I hope you will be able to put all your worries to one side for a few days and go. I also hope you managed to sort out another care package for your mother this morning.

All my best wishes to you,

Wendy x

you have to go,
i dont sa this lightly,
i watched my mam (when i was a young girl) lookafter her mam back and fore each day, mams father was able bodied and living wiht nanna but was pretty usless, and eventually it made mam bad running round doing it all,
also when i was in late 20s and lived away from home wiht my young family and mam was taken ill , i couldnt stop what was happening to her , with all the tea in china i couldnt stop what was gooing to happen,
and she wouldnt have wanted me to beat myself up (tho i have done since)

so pam my cwtches from newport in south wales are coming your way
proper welsh cwtches,
and your mam will be ok for seven days, you have to go to your sons wedding , you wont get that chance again, so go for it, and enjoy the moment,
sending you love

bless you Pam, I think you should go to your sons wedding. Its only 1 week and hopefully will help you to re charge your batteries for when you get back, you need a break as you have a lot on at this time.

Ann and daughter my thoughts are with you.
take care xx

Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts, my cases are packed and I am going to Cyprus tomorrow to see my boy marry a darling girl with all my family together. I was able to put into place a care package for my mum with a district nurse and carer every day and meals on wheels she will also have support for her from her youngest sister ( age 73) and an uncle ( age 81) , I have also give a friend money to make sure that they dont want for anything and my friend who has breast cancer is going to get my fathers medication for him on Monday .

My sister is responding to treatment, and have now said that she could be home in a few days when last night they never expected her to get better.

I am sure it is all the love and support that everyone of you send out THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

Pam XXXX

Pam,

I am so pleased to hear that you have the care package sorted, your sister is making an improvement and more especially that you are going to Cyprus.

You will have a wonderful time with your lovely son and his bride. May the sun shine on you all, on such a happy day.

We look forward to hearing about it all when you get back.

Love,
Elisabeth xx

I hope you have a lovely time Pam :)) I am so glad you are able to go, and my very best wishes for the happy couple also.

Rose xx

Pam,

A little verse for your happy bride and groom.

An Old Irish Blessing
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

(My husband read these words at our son's wedding, a few years ago, on the other side of the world.)

Love,
Elisabeth xx

Pam,
have a lovely time. Im so pleased you managed to sort out care. Good that your sister is also feeling better.
Enjoy the wedding.

Cath xx

Pam, I am so glad you trusted us with your story, and hope you will enjoy your sons wedding. The family at home will manage without you, If you arent there someone will fill the breach and you must have some me time. Happy memories coming your way.