General Chat

penetrated them and caused further damage - on second thoughts he decided they'd be OK given time and went up on deck to see if he could fathom out where they were - he could see land in the distance, could it be

Oh no.. its not the land , he shudders & sreams its

The Loch Ness Monster so is he nearly

back in Scotland - bonnie Scotland? but Loch Ness is surrounded by land so is there an underground tunnel to the sea? surely not - or does it have a brother? so many questions and so little time - he sinks into a deck chair and contemplates

the meaning of life and why there is nothing but football on the tv and why did a glass of red and a pint cost £7.00 at the local when you can buy a whole bottle of red for £4.00 at the

local Knackery. Eldrick just could not enter into the spirit of things!

The thought of spirit made him sit up.....usually it caused him to fall over. If only he could find a Medium he could get her to contact the other side. But finding a Medium was rare and the thought made his blood run cold.

Suprisingly, around the corner walked Madame Whoo Medium and Mystic, she was also an extra-large and a misfit.

"Excuse me," Eldrick began; but before he could go on Madame Whoo replied, "Certainly. What have you done?"

Once again eldrick had that feeling of

guilt and loss of self-worth - why did he feel like this all the time - was it because so much had gone wrong in his life of late or was it genetic - priests always had something to feel guilty about didnl't they? and what was this woman wittering on about - he realised he didn't really believe in mediums so he shoved her overboard before

she could enter into the spirit of things.

Eldrick looked on sadly as the Medium receded into the distance and made up his mind to be more positive in the future.

With a new found feeling of confidence he

decided to spruce himself up a bit ready for landing - wherever and whenever this ship did reach shore - in the distance he sighted land - please God it's dear old Blighty, he'd had enough of the seafaring life and wanted his feet on terra firma once more - to feel the good earth beneath his feet, to smell the heather and see his ancestral pile- could it be that

finally, his life was coming together?

Life, however, has a very warped sense of humour, and believes in kicking people when they are down.

The land was indeed Blighty but

It was Dover right down in the south,he had to travel again to get to scotland
but how he had no

money. he had outlayed his last pennies on bribing the French Border Guards.

his dilemma now was how to earn some cash....

could he work on a farm/ or in a pub as a bottle washer,or

or maybe he could flaunt

his neeps,tatties and onions at the

Dockside,or open a Booth on the eastern docks and tell fortunes,after all he was good at throwing the Runes,Star gazing and other mysterious things only know to see ers,but his main thing was being able to read the Crystal Balls dressed as Gypry Rose Lee so he

so he donned his gypsy costume and lowered his

Yashmak so that only his bloodshot eyes were showing,sadly Fag Ash Lil (Being a Fortune teller herself) decided to put this intruder to flight so set fire to the nether regions of the booth which in turn set fire to other things which caused the Fire Brigade to come out and one of the men (Fancying a bit of Eastern Delight) started to chat up what was under the flaming Yashmac but Fag Ash Lil was still about to inflict more damage so decided to

gather his nether regions and make

Sure his Crystal Ball was damaged so he could,nt see what was going to befall him after she,d re introduced him to even bigger Bertha,Giant Haysacks Twin Sister,Oh Woe is me he wailed What