General Chat

taken more notice of his horoscope.

He remembered the last morning he had spent at home, drinking hot coffee and reading the newspaper... Madame Zalonga's prediction had said "you will travel and meet new people........" but there was something else ... scratching his wet head, Eldrick tried to think............... AHA! There was also mention of discovering something which had been hidden...........

I wish my family had given me some hints.......

Grandad used to............ AHA!

Grandad was strange for an Englishman, he drank IRN BRU!!

Still heading north, soaking wet, Eldrick wondered where Irn Bru was made.........

:-S :-S :-S

So he headed for Edinburgh, to the Museum, where there's a display of Irn Bru (selected by none other than Sean Connnery - true)

Eldrick coudnt contain himself ,, he picked himself up after falling over his oinions an said

"Irn Bru gets you through"

"If it was good enough for my grandad, it's good enough for me"

So he swiped a bottle from the display.

Little did he know, he was being watched on CTV!

Sirens whooped! Bells rang!

A huge security guard ran in and grabbed

Its a Hap Hap Happy Day,to my home I,m on my way,However,Bearing down at a rate of knots in pursuit was

Big Bertha , oh lor he thought I'm for

Getting we were Betrothed,Woe is me,I thinks thats her dad,Even Bigger than Giant Haystacks, methinks I may have to emigrate to lands far away where I can at least

have the freedom I seek away from that

Sex mad Ogress,I,d be better off in Borneo with the wild men and the

Wild beasties, and anything else that

comes to mind but no he will not be driven from his rightful place in Bonnie Scotland he will

Strive with all his might to get there and although his onions were now

looking slightly the worse for wear, his tatties were quite tattered and his neeps were all but destroyed - oh woe is me he thought but the pull of the heather and the haggis was strong and onward he strode, even though in mortal pain - the Irn Bru had lifted his spirits somewhat and the thought of some haggis and tatties served up by Nannie spurred him on - he had no idea where he was but knew he was going North - it was getting colder and his kilt barely covered his embarrassment - however, on he forged until he reached

Derby in the early hours of the morning,[well he had been walking all night]he called in at the all night greasy spoon and

and while he was chewing the fat and gazing out of the steamed up window into the adjacent car park he noticed

a coach tour going to Cardiff Cathedral. He slipped onto the coach when the driver was occupied talking on his phone.

And throwing the driver through the open door he hijacked the coach.

Only too late did he realise that the coach was full of little old ladies. He'd inadvertently hijacked the Much Fumbling In the Meadows Womens Institute who were on their annual day trip.

Rapidly deciding that the ladies would not know the difference between Cardiff Cathedral, and Edinburgh Cathedral he slammed the door and set of at a fair rate of knots.

Looking at the lady to one side of him he jokingly remarked, "Some speed, eh ma?"

She glared at him and answered " I can't speak for the others, but I just have!"

Eldrick looked at her in alarm and

Did an emegency stop .alright my lovely`s be quick go behind the bushes .just then a big juggernaut went past & there was a big cry

from the juggernaut driver - what a great big a***e you have lady" whereupon she screamed and dashed back on the bus with her knickers in her hand - and big knickers they were at that - Eldrick revved the engine and off they went - the countryside sped by, half the old ladies were sick and the smell of many things was becoming quite unbearable so Eldrick drew into a service station and disappeared into the ablutions department - when he came out the bus was empty - the old dears were trying to club together for the price of a cup of tea - £3.00 a cup at the services and that was a special offer

He hitched a ride in a cattle truck going North - the smell was much the same as on the bus but seemed more country-like in comparison - the driver was a Scot and soon they were chatting away as if they'd known each other for years - they were approaching Carlisle when the lorry driver said something which startled Eldrick - he said