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Carers Anonymous Meeting

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


trafiklitedol Report 21 May 2009 21:05



Huia Report 21 May 2009 21:20

Bob, I decided against the sleeping pill. My head felt as if it was going to burst so took a couple of panadol instead. Not long after Hubby came out and I told him to go back to bed. Didnt get to sleep until about 11. I woke at 12.45 to find his bedside light on. He wasnt there. He was in the kitchen drinking a cuppa. After telling him what the time was and asking him to come back to bed after turning lights out he just didnt seem to want to. I got all het up about it. Finally took half a sleeping pill and managed another 3 and half hours sleep. Nowhere near enough. He has gone off for a walk with our local volunteer firefighter so I might see if I can drop off again for an hour.


Huia Report 22 May 2009 01:10

Yay! I managed an hours sleep on the settee while OH was walking and then carried on for another hour afterwards without him disturbing me. Still an awful lot of hours to catch up but at least I am not feeling as groggy as when we got up this morning.



Bob78 Report 22 May 2009 02:56

Scary morning. After shower and the blow wave hairdo BH had another TIA. Each time I think it is the last. This time was worse than the last occasion when a nurse in the shop suggested the ambulance. It was not that I did not think of that this time, but thought that sitting in the recovery position and then a lie down in bed until it passed would be best. That is BH and not me. (Just joking)
As in prior events everything was fine and we were off to our normal coffee but delayed by about an hour. Call me strange but if they are going to happen at all, I much prefer them to occur at home than in the coffee shop or the supermarket where others have occurred. It does tend to spoil the coffee and at the supermarket you need to empty the trolley to get BH to the car.
(Just joking again).
After coffee we were strolling past the shops singing
"One day when we were young
That wonderful morning in May
You told me you loved me
When we were young one day"
There were two points about our performance: -
It was "sotto voce", anything louder and we may have been locked up and
It was nothing like Richard Tauber; well you would not like BH to sing as he did.
Out to the airport this afternoon to pick up 2nd daughter.
PS I will be using BH for Better Half in my future posts it is so much better than the OL that I mentioned earlier. Whilst BH is an old lady, it is a term I have never nor would ever use myself to describe any woman. Am a bit old fashioned.


Huia Report 22 May 2009 05:38

Bob, I sang 'Now is the hour' to a departing relative in the overseas terminal at the beginning of March. She had wanted us to sing it for her when we had a 'farewell' gathering at my sister's place the previous day but we forgot. I didnt sing it sotto voce, although perhaps not quite the full strength I would sing in the choir. I sang it in English and in Maori (had to improvise some words where I forgot them). She had tears trickling down her cheeks. And I dont mean because of my voice being bad. We would have been thrown out if it was. I have actually sung in every Starlight Symphony in the Auckland Domain since it started in 1994. Kiri Te Kanawa sang with us a couple of years ago. I thought it was going to be my swan song last Feb. (had left my hubby with his sister) but I might just get her to come down here to stay with him so I can sing in it each year.



Huia Report 22 May 2009 21:09

Last evening (morning your English time) my Other Half (for Bobs benefit) was lighting our fire and asked me if I had an open fire in my home. I assumed he meant where I lived before we married so said yes. He then said there was some suitable kindling down the drive so he would give me some to take home! I told him I was at home. He looked at me and then said Oh, yes. He has spells like that when he does not recognise me or thinks I am somebody else. No, it doesnt upset me as I know that his brain (what is left of it) gets very confused.



Cynthia Report 23 May 2009 12:36

Although I am a carer for my daughter with Asperger's I have nothing to complain about when I read what some of you are coping with. However, I have had a very trying week trying to cope with problems with her benefits. Why do these things have to be so complicated? I do wish there was a department within the system who had people trained to deal with those with disabilities - both physical and non-physical. I suppose that's asking too much though. Kind thoughts to you all.


Bob78 Report 24 May 2009 00:34

Hi Sharron

Apologies for bursting in without so much of an initial greeting from "Down Under" . So a belated "Thank you" for starting the thread. Been on GR for some time but had never bothered with chat or threads (so easily lose the thread these days) and seeing the many comments realise their value in the scheme of things.

I think it is amazing, when you think that life is hard (and did anyone say it would be a breeze?), only to find that there is always someone else with more challenges than you think you could cope with. During that emotional period of coming to terms with the changes, I found that I could cope best when I became a care-giver and let my other roles be in the past in the same place that my BH's are. I suspect that this denial may come back to bite me in the future. In the meantime I shall have to rely on a favourite saying, "Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is yet to be. Today is the miracle!" This may sound too glib for I know others may not relate to this at all when the episodic events occur. I certainly understand that feeling as well. Generally my response in this situation is to sit down calmly until it goes away.

Thanks to others for their messages and have to admit that I seem to lose the thread as it gets longer.


Anna Report 24 May 2009 00:50

I know the Admiral Nurses are wonderful but there is also the Alzheimers Society that can support in a different way, depending on what they do in your area.


Huia Report 24 May 2009 04:47

Bob, these boards are my lifeline to sanity I think. I am able to pour out my woes on here, and read other peoples woes (many much worse than mine). There was a previous carers thread which GR in its wisdom removed. That made me very angry, but life and the topic of caring go on.

Please put on some fine (well at least not wet) weather tomorrow morning as I am hoping to go on a protest march up Queen St in Auckland, against being lumped into the city against my wishes and those of the majority of us rural people. I just hope I get more sleep tonight than I did last night. I dont like driving through the gorge (or anywhere else) when I am dead on my feet.


Jean (Monmouth)

Jean (Monmouth) Report 24 May 2009 19:23

Anyone remember The Brains Trust on the wireless(not the radio!)? Well these boards remind me of that, lots of knowledge and good advice and also companionship at every level. Takes a lot of the loneliness out of life when you can find like minded people on here.


Huia Report 24 May 2009 20:47

Last night was the best sleep I have had this year! At 9.30 I took a magnesium tab (from the chemist) instead of the tabs the doc had prescribed for my restless legs, and 10 mins later a whole sleeping tab instead of a half. I fell asleep quite quickly when I got to bed. OH did bring me a cuppa just after 4 but took it away when I mentioned the time. He then asked at 6 if I wanted a cuppa and when I said not yet he left me and I got up at 7. I felt I could have slept another hour but want to go out this morning and it will take a while to sort out his clothes etc. not to mention getting myself sorted. I really do feel 1000 times better than I did yesterday.



Bob78 Report 25 May 2009 03:17

Hi Huia

Sorry the weather was not good, but then again a good rain jacket and brollie would have been suffiecient. Saw the northern part of the "Hikoi", (translated roughly to mean "protest march" for others) on the other side of the harbour bridge, on our way to our "Morning Melodies" Navy Band concert. You know the type when you look around and wonder if you are old like all those other elderly people there.

Talking of rural people protesting, the first and last of ours was in 2002 when we joined the 499,998 (I think) others in London protesting against the "Ban Fox Hunting" legislation proposed by the Blair government. Obviously they could tell that the number was loaded with non-voters from the Antipodes and the protest fell on deaf ears. What was interesting to see the range of rural support for the activity.

To All
Oh! Sorry I have gone off at a tangent again.
So to get back on track, a thought that came to me the other day! Carers learn and experience the true meaning of "exasperation" at some stage during their time in this role. Anyone who say that they do not is either a saint or liar. Got to say that I am one of the sinners, but thank goodness for 6 Nov 1977.


Huia Report 25 May 2009 08:22

Well, we survived the Hikoi. The weather was not too bad. Only slightly damp. My OH who loves walking went with me. Had he known where we were going to walk and why he might have protested. He probably wouldnt have done it 10 yrs ago but he had no choice today. The leaders seemed to be moving very slowly so I finished up walking up the footpath holding up my sign and calling out: Down with dictatorship, give us Democracy. Got interviewed by a person from Radio NZ. TV was only interested in the Maori protesters.

I dont know how well my OH will sleep tonight. I wont take a sleeping pill unless I have trouble getting to sleep. I am not planning to go anywhere tomorrow, so shouldnt matter so much.



Bob78 Report 25 May 2009 20:30

Apologies for my verbosity which appears to have choked off others comments.


Bob78 Report 26 May 2009 04:03


re Verbosity

I have not checked on Google but it is more than chit-chat, more like yak, yak, yak and then some, but I hope not rant! (just joking again). There are more colloquial terms that I do not use myself and which are certainly not appropriate for this forum.


Huia Report 26 May 2009 10:22

I am going to have to avoid any big days out in future for my OH. He gets so tired and confused. He was a bit confused last evening, went to bed, got up maybe at 3am (I was finally asleep by then). I think he made himself a cuppa and had toast, luckily not burnt or it would have woken me). He then lay on the settee and slept there. I was woken by the fact that he had left his little bedside light (which is at floor level) turned on but had put some things against it to try to avoid waking me I presume, but I couldnt sleep and got up to turn it off and see what he was up to.

Today he has come up with some weird ideas. He was convinced we had another section somewhere which he thought we should give to some deserving organisation. He also asked if his mother was still alive (she died 1984). He frequently thinks there are other people in our house sleeping. He always speaks very quietly and I am a little hard of hearing but if I ask him to speak up he shooshes me because of the other people. I have permanent tinnitis which is driving me crazy at present and I am going through the panadol for headaches at quite a rapid rate. Perhaps they add to the tinnitis.

Life is far from a bed of roses. Off to bed soon when I have had panadol and/or a sleeping pill.



+++DetEcTive+++ Report 26 May 2009 10:55

Poor Huia. It sounds as if it is time for either OH to have a sleeping tablet, or you to have a oouple of days respite care. At least it sounds as if he has recognised it is still night, and has tried to let you carry on sleeping.

I can't remember if you have covered this.....are there day care facilites which OH can attend once or twice a week, just to give you time to catch up with sleep or other chores?


Huia Report 26 May 2009 21:06

DET, the lady from the Health Board seemed very reluctant for me to have day care, even though the doctor from the same Board had told me to enroll. She wanted it to come out of the 28 day respite care. It wasnt until I burst into tears and hung up that she said (when I phoned back) that she would authorise it for me. Not that I have used it yet, but it is looking as if I will have to start, perhaps one day a week initially to get OH used to the idea, then extend it to 2 days. I can use it to do my shopping unhindered or park up somewhere for a snooze (we live about 35 min drive from the place).

Off to town this morning to see the eye specialist.



+++DetEcTive+++ Report 27 May 2009 00:01

In one way, that's good news Huia.

Please take it.

Although you are coping admirably, you do need a regular break to recharge your batteries.