General Chat

life's unanswerables ( to me anyway) .

How come some people thwarted in love, get over it really quickly and move on to someone else ...and others don't lol.

No definitive answers expected...i am just in one of my 'random thoughts' moods tonight ;)

xx

The same as the length of time the deep grief of bereavement period is different. Some are able to come to terms with things faster than others. We're all different, and react in different ways to the same situation.

I would have thought, that if they get over it quickly, then they were not all that in love to start with.

Or, they are really fickle people, who arn't capable of deep feelings.

part of our make-up i think.my mate could fall in love one day and dump the guy the next.amazing

Self confidence and acceptance to get on with life.....memories aint no good clinging to when they aint moving you forward........

I've always considered bereavement as different really Teresa... because although the person has gone, you haven't lost the feeling that they love you and vice versa... but I yes we do all take things differently
.

xx

I dont' agree with that Annina. When my stepfather died, my mum was a broken woman, but she's the sort to pick herself up, brush herself down and get on with it. Within four months, she was off travelling through Italy on her own.

She loved my stepfather deeply, just because she wasn't wearing widows blacks for years after doesn't mean she didn't. What it does mean is that she got on with life.

Stop being so clever TW.....tis 'cos'....no other reason :-)))

Love's a funny old thing....but I have always found that the old rose coloured spectacles are more of a 'reality' than we think....just look back on a few relationships ( Mostly oldies that is )....nothing is the same as when one first thought it was ( I could write a book lol )


EDIT: actually...I will go along with the bereavement stuff......there are only so many feelings and bereavement is akin to many of them

Ah Rose, well in that case, I'll use Mum as an example again. She was broken hearted when my dad found another woman, worse her best friend. She was humiliated when she realised everyone else knew about it, but not her. She was hurt when it all turned violent, and she attempted suicide a couple of times.....but then she picked herself up, dusted herself down and got on with it, once the divorce came through.

It's sometimes down to a state of mind, whether or not you can accept and come to terms with what has happened. And as Kay said, self-confidence is a big part of this. If that has been knocked badly it could take a long time to get it back...but if you can realise that not all, if any, of the blame falls on your shoulders, and keep your self esteem, then you are likely to get it together sooner.

I do think that there is a difference between accepting something is over and getting on with life ... ( that doesn't preclude still loving the person , just means you have faced it and know that you have to do other things)... and 'being 'over' someone'... in terms of moving on to someone else...

Yes Susan wiv numbers
Sorry Susan wiv numbers
I'll shut up now Susan wiv number

*backs off thread slowly watching Susan wiv numbers*

Despite being very happily married now I have to say I've never got over some of things that have happened in previous relationships.

The way I deal with it is this.......... I lock it up in a box in my head...... enjoy what I have now ...every now and again I open the box....because I'm only human and it's natural to revisit....I examine it......cry a bit....learn from it.........then lock the b*gger up again ultra quick before I get too maudlin lol.

Susan ! Write the book! :))

xx

*quickly comes back in to say...*

Do we ever get over things? What is 'getting over?'

To me getting over something is where you are at when it doesn't hurt to think about it anymore xx

Which comes down to acceptance really doesn't it? There's nothing you can do to change it....lol

maybeee..........

being 'almost ' over someone ( something) is when you realise you have gone a whole day without thinking about them...

and being 'really' over someone ( something) is when you no longer notice you have gone a whole day without thinking about them.........

The trouble with some boxes Muffy Is......they open up of their own accord and the other person won't let them be closed...therefore...neither does the main person........tis just a game in the end methinks.....no winners...but a game non the less.

Edit:...one never gets over a 'true' love........just find a way of 'thinking' one does and life is great :-)))


Edit again....are you being sarky TW?....Tsk! and here wos me thinking we were having a good debate :-)))

Yeah it's not so easy to handle when the box opens by itself Susan I do agree there xx

I think....cant be certain though....it may be easier if children aren't involved.