General Chat

take him back to the Cop Shop, where they would have a feed of the mushrooms (they had a good supply of copper saucepans)..........

so added grease ready for a great fry up when in walked

the Chief Inspector's wife......... Big Bertha!

"So!" thought Eldrick, " The Vaseline didn't work!" he searched his pockets for the receipt as it was his intention to claim a refund on his purchase.

As he groped in his pockets he went pale when he found

a slip of paper from an old recipe book which invited the chef to always add a little something to make it your own,,,,,,


so he asked if one of the men could go up the and gather him Lava from the hills and supply a pestle and morter so to grind it down to fine powder......that should along with the musher-ooms should make it a signature dish to die for,,,,,,,,,!!!

but the man he asked was a bit hard of hearing, he thought he heard "lather"..... so he came back with a soap on a rope, which happened to be in the shape of a mushroom.

Eldrick grabbed the mushysoap and shoved it in a copper saucepan..........then yelled to Big Bertha..........

"Stir this"............

While stirring madly at the frothing mixture, Bertha said.....

time for a bath me thinks and grabs Eldrick by

the door where he was standing and started to divest him of his clothes - fighting back without much success he was now in his y fronts and she was tugging at these like something possessed - on the spur of the moment he

were more interested in his mushroom concoction and wanted to taste it! No point in asking for help from a "higher being" he thought (as it doesn't exist) so I'll have to find my own way out of this

and then it came to him........he could offer a free erection services for

for needy people, but riding in y fronts was not easy - he needed the Vaseline - and quick, before his

Vaseline!!!! he shouted I need Vaseline before my will wilts,,,,,,,his mind still on mushrooms.

no one answered his cries for Vaseline so he soldiered on, and on, and on, until at last he reached his manorial pile once more - he slid of his steed and winced with pain - those raw little places were playing up something dreadful and he needed something soothing toute suite - he staggered through the front door and fell on the sofa only to find that

squatters had taken over and taken his supply of

Y-fronts. This totally undermined his underpants. Scurrying from the sofa which so far had been a bit crowded, he dashed upstairs only to find

someone had been rifling through his drawers - sacre bleu he muttered - could they have been looking for my

Special Concoction recipe?

He chuckled evilly as he realised that it was still tucked safely away in his Y- fronts. Pausing only long enough to take a bath (he had no idea what he would use it for) he once more dashed out of the house determined to

find a shop open where he could get some Vaseline - was he on a slippery slope to nowhere he wondered - when he realised he had left his horse behind - running back to the house he mounted his horse and sped down to the nearby village where he found that

all stocks of Vaseline had been sold. His thighs still chafed and he was nearly at his wits end.

he wondered whether he could get some goose grease from the local Hostelry so

he ran up to the local Hostelry and goosed the greasy doorman, who screamed and hit Eldrick on the head with his